fuck him
Yeah, so, I'm sick of people treating me like I'm just some disposable possession. I'm just there when it's convenient for them. When it suits their purposes. I'm sick of being the one hurt by shit, and, sick of being the nice one that always says "good luck" and "best wishes" and "no regrets." I can't believe I thought for a second this guy would be any fucking different. I am such a moron with this kind of stuff. I hope I've finally learned my lesson. I feel good that I'm more pissed off than sad. I've never had this feeling before, I've always been so desperate to change it and make it not happen, and, try to get the guy back. I'm feeling so used, and, it just makes me so mad. I will not let this guy get the better of me. I still can't believe I thought for a second that someone 22 years old would actually be ready to commit to a serious relationship. What an idiot I am to think that he actually wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I'm more pissed at myself for doing this. I may come to feel differently, but, at this point, I regret meeting him. I just took a deep breath, though, and, feel better again. I just had to let it out, because I'm mad and people are sick of hearing how yet another relationship has failed. It's like everyone expects it from me, anyway. No big surprise there. Look, Kari picked the wrong guy again. Next. Ugh. Seriously, though, this is actually making me laugh. A bit of a crazy, maniacal laugh. Wow. So, another relationship based on sex under my belt. One day I'll have one with a little more depth and substance. It sucks even saying this about Ben, because I really saw so much strength in him and so much of a willingness to try something different, to branch out from the things that were harmful to relationships. And, really learn and help eachother. Damn. I'm so glad I didn't stay in Texas for him. I was so close to going back there, even a month ago. My gosh, if he'd even said for a second that he'd be willing to go to the ends of the earth for me, I'd have been on my way back to him. But, you know, clearing my head a little bit, I think i always knew he would never be willing to leave Texas for me. Oh, well. I suppose I'm better off anyway. It usually seems to work out that way.