shiner and wine
so, i broke the silence. i sent ben an email. i don't expect a response, but, there were a few things i needed to say and to get out. i hope that one day i can see through these masks that people wear and be able to see when i'm being used, for lack of a better word. i loved that boy with all my heart, and, i still miss him so much. almost every day, i just wish it was him that i was watching a movie with...or that he and i could go out and play a game or two of pool. it just sucks, because i really have no idea who he is, i don't think i ever really got to know him. and, i thought he and i were sharing everything, that there was no stone unturned...i really thought he turned to me. and, that's what i want, someone who'll turn to me when he's hurt or confused. i want to be that for someone. and, i know i'm that for some of my girl friends, but, i would also like to find that in the other kind of relationship. One day. anyway, let's see if i feel stupid later today for sending that email. or if it takes a few days. because even though i don't expect a response, of course my heart would love to hear that he misses me. silly girl.