Thoughts Escaping My Mind.
I was feeling slightly ill yesterday evening, I went to bed early and had bizarre dreams. Not sure what they mean, one involved me thinking I had a large zit on my back, it was hard and painful. I picked at it for a while and the top part of zit flipped off and instead of having puss come out of it on to my finger when I looked down it was a dead lady bug. It was black and green, it was this that I was feeling, this hard and painful invasion in my skin. What does this mean... I got a horoscope e-mail today and it said I need to examine my dreams of late and figure out what they mean. It may help me in determining what is wrong or right in my life.
I got up still not feeling well, I went to work and felt like I was going to die if anyone spoke to me in a loud or annoying voice. My head was pounding, I was dizzy and my stomach hurt. I went home early, I forgot to run an errand for Tany before I went home, which I'm sure I'll hear about tomorrow. I was in a daze I could barely remember what I was doing on the road in the first place, where was I going anyhow? I got home and slept, and slept and slept. I woke up and ate a little, I feel much better now. My head still hurts a little and I still have this damn dry cough.
I feel like screaming, I don't imagine anyone will listen to me though. I feel like I'm this obsolete model that needs to be upgraded to become better somehow. I'm discontented with certain things right now, I need to talk and get my feelings out. I need to tell people exactly how I feel, I'm tired of holding it all inside. I can't do this much longer, if I don't speak I'm afraid I'll lose everything that's important to me. Why do I hold back? I don't know......maybe it's because I'm afraid of what might happen. Why does fear have such power over what we do and say? I'm tired of the fear in my life I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells in my own life. Always being afraid of the decisions I want or need to make to better my life to make myself happy.
I told my father yesterday that I was interested in learning the art of hand engraving on jewellery. It's a lost art, there are very few people that can do it and do it well. I want to do it because I think it would be a cool talent to have, and it's different. I'd probably end up doing it just for myself and it most likely wouldn't make me money. He told me that I should just concentrate on things that will make me money and that there was no need to learn it because there are machines that can do a better and more efficient job and that maybe that's what I should learn if I'm interested in engraving. I don't understand why there are so many people out there that are wanting to crush other people's dreams and interests. I don't remember a time when anyone in our family ever told my dad that what he's doing is pointless and useless.
Hummmmm.....maybe everyone is right? why bother, right?
All my life people have been telling me "well it's good, but maybe you should just stick with doing this other thing instead, your much better at that then this". How many times can one person here those words and keep their head above water and keep trying for what they want without drowning?
I don't care if people think that this post is too long, it's mine and mine alone and this time it needs to be long. I feel like I have something more to give to this world like I should be doing something great with my talents and interests, I just don't know what it is. I was talking with my friend and I was telling her about about my idea about starting a business on-line. She was very encouraging which is what I needed at that moment. She told me about a friend of hers that does something similar and how it has worked out for him. I told her about my fear of failure and how it's holding me back, I told her I was tired of feeling this way. I asked her about it and if she had any fears about leaving her job and starting her business up at home. she said that of course she did but you just have to jump into it with both feet and stop thinking about all "the what-if's". Maybe she's right, so I decided that by this summer I would have a better idea of what I want to make and sell, and that by the end of this year I would be on my way to starting up the business! Enough is enough.....I know enough about myself and when I get an idea into my head it may take a while for it to grow and develop but once it's ready nothing can stop me from obtaining my goal.
My heart goes out to Diskrepansi for his kitty, I'm really sorry to hear about it. I wish I could have been there to give you a really big hug sweetie. I'll see you later babe, I hope you're feeling ok.
I got up still not feeling well, I went to work and felt like I was going to die if anyone spoke to me in a loud or annoying voice. My head was pounding, I was dizzy and my stomach hurt. I went home early, I forgot to run an errand for Tany before I went home, which I'm sure I'll hear about tomorrow. I was in a daze I could barely remember what I was doing on the road in the first place, where was I going anyhow? I got home and slept, and slept and slept. I woke up and ate a little, I feel much better now. My head still hurts a little and I still have this damn dry cough.
I feel like screaming, I don't imagine anyone will listen to me though. I feel like I'm this obsolete model that needs to be upgraded to become better somehow. I'm discontented with certain things right now, I need to talk and get my feelings out. I need to tell people exactly how I feel, I'm tired of holding it all inside. I can't do this much longer, if I don't speak I'm afraid I'll lose everything that's important to me. Why do I hold back? I don't know......maybe it's because I'm afraid of what might happen. Why does fear have such power over what we do and say? I'm tired of the fear in my life I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells in my own life. Always being afraid of the decisions I want or need to make to better my life to make myself happy.
I told my father yesterday that I was interested in learning the art of hand engraving on jewellery. It's a lost art, there are very few people that can do it and do it well. I want to do it because I think it would be a cool talent to have, and it's different. I'd probably end up doing it just for myself and it most likely wouldn't make me money. He told me that I should just concentrate on things that will make me money and that there was no need to learn it because there are machines that can do a better and more efficient job and that maybe that's what I should learn if I'm interested in engraving. I don't understand why there are so many people out there that are wanting to crush other people's dreams and interests. I don't remember a time when anyone in our family ever told my dad that what he's doing is pointless and useless.
Hummmmm.....maybe everyone is right? why bother, right?
All my life people have been telling me "well it's good, but maybe you should just stick with doing this other thing instead, your much better at that then this". How many times can one person here those words and keep their head above water and keep trying for what they want without drowning?
I don't care if people think that this post is too long, it's mine and mine alone and this time it needs to be long. I feel like I have something more to give to this world like I should be doing something great with my talents and interests, I just don't know what it is. I was talking with my friend and I was telling her about about my idea about starting a business on-line. She was very encouraging which is what I needed at that moment. She told me about a friend of hers that does something similar and how it has worked out for him. I told her about my fear of failure and how it's holding me back, I told her I was tired of feeling this way. I asked her about it and if she had any fears about leaving her job and starting her business up at home. she said that of course she did but you just have to jump into it with both feet and stop thinking about all "the what-if's". Maybe she's right, so I decided that by this summer I would have a better idea of what I want to make and sell, and that by the end of this year I would be on my way to starting up the business! Enough is enough.....I know enough about myself and when I get an idea into my head it may take a while for it to grow and develop but once it's ready nothing can stop me from obtaining my goal.
My heart goes out to Diskrepansi for his kitty, I'm really sorry to hear about it. I wish I could have been there to give you a really big hug sweetie. I'll see you later babe, I hope you're feeling ok.