The Late Night Journal - Starring: Ben Elgin. (Typed infront of a live studio audience)
So I'm back from the funeral. It's late, I'm tired, and I have a journal to update because my elbow told me to. The funeral wasn't as bad as everyone thought it was going to be, and I mean no one I saw broke up crying and the sermons weren't all soppy and all that jazz. But it was indeed sad. And so, hell broke loose.
Now, there's a big family feud over property of land and companies and stuff, and it's real personal so I won't go into it much. All I know is that the battlefield has been set and the pieces are about to come into play.
And now for stuff that won't put you to sleep, at least, I hope it won't.
After the funeral, the revrend spoke of all the things my stepgrandpa did. Which started to rattle my mind of my friend Terra. About a few weeks ago she told me that when she died, she wanted to leave some reminder to the world about her, good or bad, it didn't matter. I didn't really think about it too much, I guess I didn't really care what the world thought about me, but after these past couple of days it got me to thinking. What impression did I really leave on this earth? Sure maybe some people like, or love me. But is that it?
"Here lies Ben Elgin, he was loved by some people."
Some people would see it as a failure, but guys, I'm only 16 at the moment, I only just began to live. Soooo I suppose I have a lot to look forward to. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have to do something with my life real quick, because I haven't really done anything for anyone yet.
There's something that's been bothering me lately, as it has been noted at Terra's kick ass website. All my old friends are slowly drifting away, barely talking and when I try to spark something up I get a response of a one word sentence. It sucks, and there's nothing I can really do about it. There's all this stupid stupid, STUPID angst teen depression floating around consisting of low self esteem and suicide. I'd rant about it, but again I shall mention Terra's website. Go there, and look under her rants, me and her basically share the same opinion I suppose. To wrap it up all in a nutshell I just can't wait until we're all 35 years old, looking up this old stuff, then laugh our asses off going: "I can't belive I actually said that stuff back then!" For then people we will actually be smart, and not care about what so and so said about my shoes, or if that guy called me a whore, or whatever yo. Because it won't matter, like it even matters right now. And again, my whole moral of keeping love away from my life at the moment wraps up in this subject. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! It won't matter who I have a crush on, or if that girl wants to go out with me. Why? Because after highschool I will probably never see those people again. And that's a fact. So why bother with the big grab bag of emotions and heartbreak?
...Well, I suppose it's easy for me to say that. I know some people that strongly need affection, even if it's only temporary. The problem is, is that they take it waaaaaaaay too seriously when it's too late and the hints have been dropping on them like american planes on an iraqi shelter. I guess people need, no, crave for love. I used to, back in the day, but something happened that really changed me. Am I a heartless soul? I hope not... Hell, even I still dream of the great feeling it was to hold someone in my arms, and for once they loved me the same way back. But after a repeat of mistakes, and the repeat of: "I love someone else", or, "let's just be friends", I decided to just quit. I was too young then and I'm too young now to worry about love, perhaps I'm a stubborn bastard with the wrong antics, but hey, it's my journal and it's my life so nya nya.
But I'm getting off track (if there even is one).
I noticed lately that I type a hell of a lot more than what all my friends do combined, and if they do type something longer than mine it's usually a song lyric. Which makes me wonder if I talk too much. Well people this is the only place I can lay out my feelings into one big hell of a rant. Soooo if you ever think: "I think I'll check out gurshu12's journal.", get ready for a rant or two. But yet...maybe I do talk too much? And if I do I apologize, but that's what the internet is for. Keeping you un-bored and reading a lot of stuff.
Well I'm gonna write more tommorow because my elbow tells me it's really late and I should go on the soft mattress thingy that helps my body shut down.
Goodnight Winsconsin!
Now, there's a big family feud over property of land and companies and stuff, and it's real personal so I won't go into it much. All I know is that the battlefield has been set and the pieces are about to come into play.
And now for stuff that won't put you to sleep, at least, I hope it won't.
After the funeral, the revrend spoke of all the things my stepgrandpa did. Which started to rattle my mind of my friend Terra. About a few weeks ago she told me that when she died, she wanted to leave some reminder to the world about her, good or bad, it didn't matter. I didn't really think about it too much, I guess I didn't really care what the world thought about me, but after these past couple of days it got me to thinking. What impression did I really leave on this earth? Sure maybe some people like, or love me. But is that it?
"Here lies Ben Elgin, he was loved by some people."
Some people would see it as a failure, but guys, I'm only 16 at the moment, I only just began to live. Soooo I suppose I have a lot to look forward to. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have to do something with my life real quick, because I haven't really done anything for anyone yet.
There's something that's been bothering me lately, as it has been noted at Terra's kick ass website. All my old friends are slowly drifting away, barely talking and when I try to spark something up I get a response of a one word sentence. It sucks, and there's nothing I can really do about it. There's all this stupid stupid, STUPID angst teen depression floating around consisting of low self esteem and suicide. I'd rant about it, but again I shall mention Terra's website. Go there, and look under her rants, me and her basically share the same opinion I suppose. To wrap it up all in a nutshell I just can't wait until we're all 35 years old, looking up this old stuff, then laugh our asses off going: "I can't belive I actually said that stuff back then!" For then people we will actually be smart, and not care about what so and so said about my shoes, or if that guy called me a whore, or whatever yo. Because it won't matter, like it even matters right now. And again, my whole moral of keeping love away from my life at the moment wraps up in this subject. IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! It won't matter who I have a crush on, or if that girl wants to go out with me. Why? Because after highschool I will probably never see those people again. And that's a fact. So why bother with the big grab bag of emotions and heartbreak?
...Well, I suppose it's easy for me to say that. I know some people that strongly need affection, even if it's only temporary. The problem is, is that they take it waaaaaaaay too seriously when it's too late and the hints have been dropping on them like american planes on an iraqi shelter. I guess people need, no, crave for love. I used to, back in the day, but something happened that really changed me. Am I a heartless soul? I hope not... Hell, even I still dream of the great feeling it was to hold someone in my arms, and for once they loved me the same way back. But after a repeat of mistakes, and the repeat of: "I love someone else", or, "let's just be friends", I decided to just quit. I was too young then and I'm too young now to worry about love, perhaps I'm a stubborn bastard with the wrong antics, but hey, it's my journal and it's my life so nya nya.
But I'm getting off track (if there even is one).
I noticed lately that I type a hell of a lot more than what all my friends do combined, and if they do type something longer than mine it's usually a song lyric. Which makes me wonder if I talk too much. Well people this is the only place I can lay out my feelings into one big hell of a rant. Soooo if you ever think: "I think I'll check out gurshu12's journal.", get ready for a rant or two. But yet...maybe I do talk too much? And if I do I apologize, but that's what the internet is for. Keeping you un-bored and reading a lot of stuff.
Well I'm gonna write more tommorow because my elbow tells me it's really late and I should go on the soft mattress thingy that helps my body shut down.
Goodnight Winsconsin!