"aint no party like an I-2 partay"--who who who!
yeah so drama abounds where the minds of the weak are bored. the i2 party was fucked. its so stupid though because everyone had to put their little two cents in so they could all make it their own pivotal point of the semester. resulting in mass amounts of man made drama that no one really had to do with. short dicription: joshua eskridge from class got hella sick and had to be taken home--escorted by m.a.d. and her new escort. a.a. acted drunk--nikoles way pissed at me...i honestly dont know why--augusta cried-wow...secrets were spilled. all too familiar to me. i know all those dorks in our class are gonna show up monday and shake their heads and be like "sigh, that party" acting upset but really enjoying it. josh acted kindof strange to me yesterday-dont know why...i was even psyching my self up to talk to him-but after last night, i doubt it...not because anything has really changed...but well because ive had a revelation. one ive been pondering and dismissing and not allowing myself to feel for a lil while. today i feel it. and for the first time i want to know what would happen--even though it could ruin everything and risk so much. i dont care...i have to know. i have to know why everything pales in comparisson to that presence. why nothing here is ever truly satisfying or substantial. and it pisses me off a little bit because in a way it negates everything we do have, which i still believe to be special and once in a lifetime--or does it? i dont want to cheapen that in any way. and i really dont want to freak anyone out-because this has NEVER been my intention untill now...and the very thought of this person ever thinking the only reason i am in their life is because of feelings like this breaks my heart. because that is not the reason! its because of everything else that leads me to question if i could feel this new way...because of the sheer perfection ive found in every other aspect. now im embarrassed. but i want to cry because of the thought of everything working out. i dont care if it doesnt tho--because i'll always have this person--and thats all i want anyway.