"lets put aimee on the outside"---my life in a nut shell
so i figured now when im completely enlightened was a good time to post.
k. so long and short i know everything. people are so fucked. for the longest time i thought-wow, theres so many cool kids, and im just one of the dorks...but now that i feel like im more with it- i cant believe how few people i am compatible with--no lie, like there are maybe 50 people in the world, ever, that i can hang out with.
also:josh the hottie,ive decided is perfect practice...its like 'heres someone you really like, dont get attached, go!'---because i need that! because thats what the whole goddamn summers gonna be like dude, cept with so many different people. and i need to get over this emo love shit-i have so much time--all of my life to be in love, why now? the girlish romantic is still in me--im just repressing for the sake of sanity.
wesley called me. so im the bigger person. so what. i hope he gets it. as fucked up as he left me i know he hurts--and well i feel like ive figured things out for today...not forever, just today---and i hope he can do the same,,,and i hope--i hope that he realizes how pale and numb the world is when you restrict yourself to black and white.
the colors make it beautiful--and thats what no one understands.
something really bad happened in nikkis family. it forced me to think of me...and i hate that...i hate thinkin how close it was--and i hate thinking about who was there for me...and i hate thinking about how my mom sounded when i told her. i know ive had a rough year..but all my friends-me, people like me, its just like this wierd little cult-that corporate pop america (our parents, and leaders) piss on constantly--so that when theyve pushed us to our worst with their concept of humanity they can then judge and frown and feel disturbed when one of us takes the daily activity of slowly fucking our bodies up (because its the only control we know) too far. well im gonna spend the rest of my life disturbing-because its them against us. this is where i should yell 'anarchy' really loud. um...its true...i hate how people can be so popular and cool when in their element, but out, theyre freaks--i hate how freaks (like us) can be on the outside every day--but find truth and beauty when allowed expression...
im fulfilled being on the outside forever.
because thats where living is, on the fringes of american dreams, and on the outskirts
of the way we're expected to be. not on 'the inside' where nothing real ever existed anyway--theyre just too embarrassed to tell you.
they say you find you when youre in college--well im not in college;) and ive always felt as if ive known myself pretty well---but now i believe in it...
k. so long and short i know everything. people are so fucked. for the longest time i thought-wow, theres so many cool kids, and im just one of the dorks...but now that i feel like im more with it- i cant believe how few people i am compatible with--no lie, like there are maybe 50 people in the world, ever, that i can hang out with.
also:josh the hottie,ive decided is perfect practice...its like 'heres someone you really like, dont get attached, go!'---because i need that! because thats what the whole goddamn summers gonna be like dude, cept with so many different people. and i need to get over this emo love shit-i have so much time--all of my life to be in love, why now? the girlish romantic is still in me--im just repressing for the sake of sanity.
wesley called me. so im the bigger person. so what. i hope he gets it. as fucked up as he left me i know he hurts--and well i feel like ive figured things out for today...not forever, just today---and i hope he can do the same,,,and i hope--i hope that he realizes how pale and numb the world is when you restrict yourself to black and white.
the colors make it beautiful--and thats what no one understands.
something really bad happened in nikkis family. it forced me to think of me...and i hate that...i hate thinkin how close it was--and i hate thinking about who was there for me...and i hate thinking about how my mom sounded when i told her. i know ive had a rough year..but all my friends-me, people like me, its just like this wierd little cult-that corporate pop america (our parents, and leaders) piss on constantly--so that when theyve pushed us to our worst with their concept of humanity they can then judge and frown and feel disturbed when one of us takes the daily activity of slowly fucking our bodies up (because its the only control we know) too far. well im gonna spend the rest of my life disturbing-because its them against us. this is where i should yell 'anarchy' really loud. um...its true...i hate how people can be so popular and cool when in their element, but out, theyre freaks--i hate how freaks (like us) can be on the outside every day--but find truth and beauty when allowed expression...
im fulfilled being on the outside forever.
because thats where living is, on the fringes of american dreams, and on the outskirts
of the way we're expected to be. not on 'the inside' where nothing real ever existed anyway--theyre just too embarrassed to tell you.
they say you find you when youre in college--well im not in college;) and ive always felt as if ive known myself pretty well---but now i believe in it...