THE EMO HAS LANDED
so much for keeping the drama to a miniumum. i freaked out last night. i dont even know why. i do acctually. i just dont want to deal with it. somethings wrong with me. i felt like donnie darko. im going out tonight with people who dont accept me, to an event that i should be a part of, and may see someone who may cause me to collapse later on. alex is in town-im supposed to meet up with him later. maybe that will help. we watched requiem for a dream last night with the guys we met at the dam. everytime i think i can handle it, and everytime i cant. jared leto and jennifer connelly totally remind me of josh and me---and that really scared me. plus the fact that a movie like that should turn you off to all of that-and it only succecceded in turning me on. why do i crave that lifestyle, when i cant even deal with the one i halfway embody now. i announced to my mom that i was depressed today. that sure got me somewhere. no one cares. and this time its really bad. i cant believe i turned into the person i was last night---id like to think it was just deeply rooted in affection...but im beginning to question that as well. pass out the lady bicks.