Twenty Years
Sakumoto. PG. Fluff. Inspired by performance on VSA 2016.02.25 and the fact that Jun loves his bonsai so very much.
"... He even said that the beauty of bonsai is that it takes so long to grow one that he would even probably be not alive to see it ..."
It was just another night after a hard day’s work. It was just another night, where Jun followed Sho to his place and spent his time there being not awkward and not exceedingly aware of each other. There was nothing special; they watched some TV shows together and ate dinner. They talked about work and life and there’s nothing out of ordinary about that.
But then, Sho’s phone rang. They were on the veranda right then-smoking, drinking, and talking. Sho checked on his phone and left Jun to get inside the apartment. This-even this-was not unusual. The unusual thing started when suddenly two rings were dangling on a necklace right in front of Jun’s eyes.
Jun’s eyes zeroed at the rings. He knew them, of course. There’s no way he could forget a pair of rings that Sho presented to him when they were still young and reckless. What he didn’t know was, why suddenly Sho brought them out from wherever Sho kept it. So, he tilted his head upwards to look at Sho.
Sho was smiling. “It’s been fifteen years.”
Jun’s memory sparked up at the mention of the number. “Oh, really?”
“Uh huh. Fifteen years ago I gave you this. Fifteen years ago, you told me to try again in fifteen years.” Sho kept his smile and brought the rings with him as he sat down on his recliner seat again.
Jun smiled to himself, remembering that exact day when they were so close to doing something terribly irresponsible and how they ended up being the proper adults they were expected to be by agreeing that tying the knot was just impossible for them to do right then. He took his can of beer and sipped. “You actually remember the date, I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. I have it on my phone’s reminder.”
Jun actually laughed at that. It felt so like Sho to do things like that.
“I guess not now either, hm?” Sho talked with his eyes following the contour of the ring.
Jun let out a soft, knowing giggle and sipped again. “Not now either,” he agreed finally.
It had been so long since they both decided to keep the idea aside. The responsibility that they had-the fame, the dreams, the expectations-was anchoring them down in a way that made them agree that it was not an option. They were not completely letting the idea go, though, but they stored it away; probably to be revisited in the far future.
Right then, however, was not that far future. Yet.
“Let’s give it another fifteen,” Jun offered. Looking at how Arashi was holding strong at the top of the entertainment throne, it was not an unreasonable proposition.
“Twenty. Let’s give it twenty more,” Sho replied while lightly putting one ring on his finger. It was already too small on him and he measured that probably it would fit on Jun more. He took it off, let it slide on the necklace, and wrapped them onto the palm of his hand.
“Twenty, hm?” Jun mused, trying to imagine what they would be like twenty years from then. A short giggle escaped his mouth as he wondered, “Would we still even be alive?”
Sho laughed. “We would be in our fifties. Big chance we’d still be alive.”
“There’s a chance that we wouldn’t, though.”
“Do you want to die young? Because I don’t.”
Jun laughed and shook his head. “Even if we’re still alive, there’s no guarantee that we’d still be... the same.”
Sho’s laughter faltered slowly to a full stop. The smile on his face changed to a knowing one.
“I mean... We’re not young anymore. Twenty years wouldn’t feel like a breeze like the last fifteen. Maybe you’d change. Maybe I’d change.”
“Or maybe we wouldn’t,” Sho smiled. “We don’t know how these twenty years would end, but I actually think there’s a beauty in it. In waiting. In giving our best even though we don’t know what’s waiting in the finish line.”
Jun looked at Sho. Right at him like he rarely did.
And Sho looked down because that’s how they were. “I honestly thought I’d eventually move on. Back then fifteen years sounded impossible, I thought it was as good as being rejected. But, you see, here we are now. I’m glad I didn’t give up.”
Jun shifted his gaze to the dots of light from the city. To be honest, he also didn’t think that they would reach this point.
“I’m even more glad that you didn’t give up,” Sho leered and smiled. “And even though you did, I wouldn’t blame you. Actually I thought you would. Really. And the fact that I kept on waiting for this day even though I thought you wouldn’t told me how much I love you in reality. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The things that only time could reveal.”
Jun took the words in and nodded to agree. He felt warm all over. It had been so long since the last time they talked about feelings. It had been too long since the last time they talked about them. To suddenly talk about it like this felt a bit more than just awkward, but Jun found it pleasant in the most twisted way. It gave him a renewed assurance that there’s still something between them. Then, he said, “I love you too, you know.”
“Glad to hear that.” Sho made a show of exhaling relieved breath and wiping his non-existent sweat.
Jun laughed and so did Sho. Sho raised his can of beer for a random toast and Jun welcomed it. They drank and laughed and laughed some more. When silence came again, their cheeks were rosy and their smiles stayed.
Then, a phone rang. It’s not Sho’s this time, it’s Jun’s. Jun checked his phone and picked it up. He talked for a while, turning down an invitation that seemed to come from none other than Oguri Shun. He ended the call with a promise of next time and then looked at the time. It was about time for him to go home.
“It’s late,” Jun said like he always did.
“Should I drive you home?” Sho asked while standing up and walking towards the door. It’s already like a ritual, really.
“No, it’s okay,” Jun answered right away. He took his belongings and his jacket, wore his shoes, and turned to look at Sho who stood right before the genkan. “So, twenty years, then?”
“Twenty years,” Sho nodded and pocketed the rings, “I’ll keep them safe until then.”
“Alright, then. I’m leaving.” Jun raised his arms before he could think better about it and he regretted it immediately. Alcohol and the giddiness made him lose his guard and lifted his arms in an unmistakable invitation of a hug. After years of being hyper aware of their proximity, a hug was always out of question.
Sho was clearly taken aback by the gesture but he raised his arms too nonetheless. For a second they struggled with whose arms goes where, making the situation get a thousand times more awkward.
When the hug finally happened, it felt like coming home. It’s warm and fulfilling. It’s calming and soothing.
Jun felt the desires that he had learned to suppress coming back to live. It’s prickling on his skin, clouding his eyes, and numbing his senses. He knew they had to stop because who knew what would happen if they give in. “Sho kun, we shouldn’t-”
Jun tried to step back but Sho’s arms around him were strong and possessive. “Just- just this once,” Sho pleaded right to Jun’s ear.
Jun knew probably Sho could hear his heartbeats. Jun knew, that it would be an obvious lie if he said that he didn’t want this. So he gave in, finally. His fingers were shaking as they rested on Sho’s elbows, feeling the movement when Sho cupped his face. His breath was shuddering when he felt Sho’s cheek against his-soft and warm and nice-sliding as Sho moved to align their faces. His eyes were getting out of focus as Sho pressed their foreheads together, showing how nervous he was in every second spent.
Then, their lips met.
It was soft at first, unsure and careful. Then, the full force of their longings washed over them and they let their instincts take the command. Jun’s fingers curled on Sho’s shirts, as if he was hanging on it for his dear life. Sho’s hands kept Jun close, afraid of letting go. The kiss grew fiercer in every moment; greedier, as if there’s no tomorrow. Jun realized how bad he missed this. Sho wondered how he could live without this.
Jun circled his arms around Sho’s neck, pulling Sho closer like it was possible. Sho tightened his grip on Jun, determined in melding them into one. It seemed so easy right then to just forget about everything and go on with what they wanted the most. They were just layers of fabrics away; nothing was actually there to stop them. But they both knew it wasn’t the best thing to do. The best thing was to wait, and they both had agreed on that together.
So they stopped. It needed every ounce of their self-control, but they stopped. Sho’s fingers were still on Jun’s cheeks and Jun’s arms were still on Sho’s shoulders. They were panting, nearly out of breath and sanity. Sho closed his eyes, obviously trying to calm himself down. Jun observed Sho and despite being touched that Sho gave his all to actually restrain himself, he knew it’s better for him to leave sooner than later.
Jun reluctantly peeled himself off of Sho and stepped back, closer to the door. His eyes didn’t leave Sho, and it was filled with unspoken apology.
Sho followed Jun and stopped at the door frame, eyeing Jun’s movement as the younger fished the key out of his pocket.
Their eyes met when there’s nothing left to do to postpone Jun’s departure. Nervously, Jun asked, “So, twenty years?”
Sho smiled and he repeated the words that represent their promise, “Yes, twenty years.”
.
.
.
“Jun has gone crazy, I tell you,” Nino informed one day in the green room. There’s no one aside of Nino and Sho right then, and probably Nino was aware of that.
“How so?” Sho asked, never one to fail in humoring Nino.
“All he talked about is his bonsai. It’s like he’s obsessed with that thing,” Nino grumbled.
“It’s good, no? At least he has a hobby,” Sho chuckled.
“But I don’t get it,” Nino insisted, “He even said that the beauty of bonsai is that it takes so long to grow one that he would even probably be not alive to see it! It takes around twenty years, Sho kun. Twenty! I say we’re taking him to a doctor soon.”
“Twenty, huh?” Sho mused. He didn’t know about this before. Now that he knew, he found it amazingly endearing.
“Yes. Twenty fucking years. So, what do you say?”
“It’s beautiful,” Sho said, smiling wide, “There’s an absolute beauty in it. He’s right.”
Nino gaped in disbelief. He had meant it to be a joke, but he didn’t expect such reaction from Sho.
Sho stood up with his smile still on his face. They were already called for their performance. Just a moment before they got out, he took out something from his pocket and secured it around his neck.
Jun only had two seconds to look at Sho before the camera was rolling, but he saw it nonetheless.
Two rings were dangling prettily near to Sho’s heart.
Inspired by this ^
and, of course, the fact that Jun loves his bonsai so fucking much :p
"... He even said that the beauty of bonsai is that it takes so long to grow one that he would even probably be not alive to see it ..."
It was just another night after a hard day’s work. It was just another night, where Jun followed Sho to his place and spent his time there being not awkward and not exceedingly aware of each other. There was nothing special; they watched some TV shows together and ate dinner. They talked about work and life and there’s nothing out of ordinary about that.
But then, Sho’s phone rang. They were on the veranda right then-smoking, drinking, and talking. Sho checked on his phone and left Jun to get inside the apartment. This-even this-was not unusual. The unusual thing started when suddenly two rings were dangling on a necklace right in front of Jun’s eyes.
Jun’s eyes zeroed at the rings. He knew them, of course. There’s no way he could forget a pair of rings that Sho presented to him when they were still young and reckless. What he didn’t know was, why suddenly Sho brought them out from wherever Sho kept it. So, he tilted his head upwards to look at Sho.
Sho was smiling. “It’s been fifteen years.”
Jun’s memory sparked up at the mention of the number. “Oh, really?”
“Uh huh. Fifteen years ago I gave you this. Fifteen years ago, you told me to try again in fifteen years.” Sho kept his smile and brought the rings with him as he sat down on his recliner seat again.
Jun smiled to himself, remembering that exact day when they were so close to doing something terribly irresponsible and how they ended up being the proper adults they were expected to be by agreeing that tying the knot was just impossible for them to do right then. He took his can of beer and sipped. “You actually remember the date, I’m impressed.”
“Don’t be. I have it on my phone’s reminder.”
Jun actually laughed at that. It felt so like Sho to do things like that.
“I guess not now either, hm?” Sho talked with his eyes following the contour of the ring.
Jun let out a soft, knowing giggle and sipped again. “Not now either,” he agreed finally.
It had been so long since they both decided to keep the idea aside. The responsibility that they had-the fame, the dreams, the expectations-was anchoring them down in a way that made them agree that it was not an option. They were not completely letting the idea go, though, but they stored it away; probably to be revisited in the far future.
Right then, however, was not that far future. Yet.
“Let’s give it another fifteen,” Jun offered. Looking at how Arashi was holding strong at the top of the entertainment throne, it was not an unreasonable proposition.
“Twenty. Let’s give it twenty more,” Sho replied while lightly putting one ring on his finger. It was already too small on him and he measured that probably it would fit on Jun more. He took it off, let it slide on the necklace, and wrapped them onto the palm of his hand.
“Twenty, hm?” Jun mused, trying to imagine what they would be like twenty years from then. A short giggle escaped his mouth as he wondered, “Would we still even be alive?”
Sho laughed. “We would be in our fifties. Big chance we’d still be alive.”
“There’s a chance that we wouldn’t, though.”
“Do you want to die young? Because I don’t.”
Jun laughed and shook his head. “Even if we’re still alive, there’s no guarantee that we’d still be... the same.”
Sho’s laughter faltered slowly to a full stop. The smile on his face changed to a knowing one.
“I mean... We’re not young anymore. Twenty years wouldn’t feel like a breeze like the last fifteen. Maybe you’d change. Maybe I’d change.”
“Or maybe we wouldn’t,” Sho smiled. “We don’t know how these twenty years would end, but I actually think there’s a beauty in it. In waiting. In giving our best even though we don’t know what’s waiting in the finish line.”
Jun looked at Sho. Right at him like he rarely did.
And Sho looked down because that’s how they were. “I honestly thought I’d eventually move on. Back then fifteen years sounded impossible, I thought it was as good as being rejected. But, you see, here we are now. I’m glad I didn’t give up.”
Jun shifted his gaze to the dots of light from the city. To be honest, he also didn’t think that they would reach this point.
“I’m even more glad that you didn’t give up,” Sho leered and smiled. “And even though you did, I wouldn’t blame you. Actually I thought you would. Really. And the fact that I kept on waiting for this day even though I thought you wouldn’t told me how much I love you in reality. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The things that only time could reveal.”
Jun took the words in and nodded to agree. He felt warm all over. It had been so long since the last time they talked about feelings. It had been too long since the last time they talked about them. To suddenly talk about it like this felt a bit more than just awkward, but Jun found it pleasant in the most twisted way. It gave him a renewed assurance that there’s still something between them. Then, he said, “I love you too, you know.”
“Glad to hear that.” Sho made a show of exhaling relieved breath and wiping his non-existent sweat.
Jun laughed and so did Sho. Sho raised his can of beer for a random toast and Jun welcomed it. They drank and laughed and laughed some more. When silence came again, their cheeks were rosy and their smiles stayed.
Then, a phone rang. It’s not Sho’s this time, it’s Jun’s. Jun checked his phone and picked it up. He talked for a while, turning down an invitation that seemed to come from none other than Oguri Shun. He ended the call with a promise of next time and then looked at the time. It was about time for him to go home.
“It’s late,” Jun said like he always did.
“Should I drive you home?” Sho asked while standing up and walking towards the door. It’s already like a ritual, really.
“No, it’s okay,” Jun answered right away. He took his belongings and his jacket, wore his shoes, and turned to look at Sho who stood right before the genkan. “So, twenty years, then?”
“Twenty years,” Sho nodded and pocketed the rings, “I’ll keep them safe until then.”
“Alright, then. I’m leaving.” Jun raised his arms before he could think better about it and he regretted it immediately. Alcohol and the giddiness made him lose his guard and lifted his arms in an unmistakable invitation of a hug. After years of being hyper aware of their proximity, a hug was always out of question.
Sho was clearly taken aback by the gesture but he raised his arms too nonetheless. For a second they struggled with whose arms goes where, making the situation get a thousand times more awkward.
When the hug finally happened, it felt like coming home. It’s warm and fulfilling. It’s calming and soothing.
Jun felt the desires that he had learned to suppress coming back to live. It’s prickling on his skin, clouding his eyes, and numbing his senses. He knew they had to stop because who knew what would happen if they give in. “Sho kun, we shouldn’t-”
Jun tried to step back but Sho’s arms around him were strong and possessive. “Just- just this once,” Sho pleaded right to Jun’s ear.
Jun knew probably Sho could hear his heartbeats. Jun knew, that it would be an obvious lie if he said that he didn’t want this. So he gave in, finally. His fingers were shaking as they rested on Sho’s elbows, feeling the movement when Sho cupped his face. His breath was shuddering when he felt Sho’s cheek against his-soft and warm and nice-sliding as Sho moved to align their faces. His eyes were getting out of focus as Sho pressed their foreheads together, showing how nervous he was in every second spent.
Then, their lips met.
It was soft at first, unsure and careful. Then, the full force of their longings washed over them and they let their instincts take the command. Jun’s fingers curled on Sho’s shirts, as if he was hanging on it for his dear life. Sho’s hands kept Jun close, afraid of letting go. The kiss grew fiercer in every moment; greedier, as if there’s no tomorrow. Jun realized how bad he missed this. Sho wondered how he could live without this.
Jun circled his arms around Sho’s neck, pulling Sho closer like it was possible. Sho tightened his grip on Jun, determined in melding them into one. It seemed so easy right then to just forget about everything and go on with what they wanted the most. They were just layers of fabrics away; nothing was actually there to stop them. But they both knew it wasn’t the best thing to do. The best thing was to wait, and they both had agreed on that together.
So they stopped. It needed every ounce of their self-control, but they stopped. Sho’s fingers were still on Jun’s cheeks and Jun’s arms were still on Sho’s shoulders. They were panting, nearly out of breath and sanity. Sho closed his eyes, obviously trying to calm himself down. Jun observed Sho and despite being touched that Sho gave his all to actually restrain himself, he knew it’s better for him to leave sooner than later.
Jun reluctantly peeled himself off of Sho and stepped back, closer to the door. His eyes didn’t leave Sho, and it was filled with unspoken apology.
Sho followed Jun and stopped at the door frame, eyeing Jun’s movement as the younger fished the key out of his pocket.
Their eyes met when there’s nothing left to do to postpone Jun’s departure. Nervously, Jun asked, “So, twenty years?”
Sho smiled and he repeated the words that represent their promise, “Yes, twenty years.”
.
.
.
“Jun has gone crazy, I tell you,” Nino informed one day in the green room. There’s no one aside of Nino and Sho right then, and probably Nino was aware of that.
“How so?” Sho asked, never one to fail in humoring Nino.
“All he talked about is his bonsai. It’s like he’s obsessed with that thing,” Nino grumbled.
“It’s good, no? At least he has a hobby,” Sho chuckled.
“But I don’t get it,” Nino insisted, “He even said that the beauty of bonsai is that it takes so long to grow one that he would even probably be not alive to see it! It takes around twenty years, Sho kun. Twenty! I say we’re taking him to a doctor soon.”
“Twenty, huh?” Sho mused. He didn’t know about this before. Now that he knew, he found it amazingly endearing.
“Yes. Twenty fucking years. So, what do you say?”
“It’s beautiful,” Sho said, smiling wide, “There’s an absolute beauty in it. He’s right.”
Nino gaped in disbelief. He had meant it to be a joke, but he didn’t expect such reaction from Sho.
Sho stood up with his smile still on his face. They were already called for their performance. Just a moment before they got out, he took out something from his pocket and secured it around his neck.
Jun only had two seconds to look at Sho before the camera was rolling, but he saw it nonetheless.
Two rings were dangling prettily near to Sho’s heart.
Inspired by this ^
and, of course, the fact that Jun loves his bonsai so fucking much :p