Relinquish - Part 1
Ohmiya. PG. ANGST. Betaed by: inaudible_d. Requested by: ica_90 Warning: Character Deaths.
Ohno was an egoist jerk but Nino's love towards him was unwavering. When one day Nino asked for a breakup, and when Ohno learned that Nino might leave him for real, he realized how he had taken Nino for granted.
“Let’s break up,” Ohno heard Nino said one day. Lightly, but meaningfully.
They were sitting on their living room, spending their day off like they usually did. They were fine, their relationship was fine, but Nino said it like he already thought about it for the longest time.
Ohno looked at Nino as if staring could draw out an explanation from the younger. They stayed silent, eyes on each other.
Finally, Ohno let out a response while lighting up his cigarette, “Not another bullshit, Kazunari.”
“I’ll move out tomorrow,” Nino said again, proving that he was serious.
Ohno’s eyes pierced to Nino’s. He looked scandalized. Betrayed. Furious. He clearly didn’t see this coming.
“What’s this?!”
“I- I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while and I think it’s best for us to separate,” Nino stuttered a bit and finally he averted his gaze, “I’m tired, Oh chan. I want to.. end this.”
“Tired?! You are tired of me, Kazunari?! Really?!” Ohno’s pride was hurt and it was never a good thing.
“No- I’m just-”
Ohno stood up abruptly, rage overpowered him, “Fine, do what you want. Just don’t come back to beg me to take you back!”
Nino could only stare as the older stormed outside and closed the door with a loud bang.
If Nino was crying silently to all of his clothes and game consoles while packing his belongings that night, Ohno didn’t know about it at all.
*******
“Did he ask about me?” Nino asked. His throat was dry and his lips were chapped, but he struggled to ask.
“He- he did,” Aiba answered, voice as soft as the cloud.
“He didn’t,” Nino concluded from how Aiba’s eyes were avoiding him.
“He’s just busy,” Aiba said, “Don’t think about him, just rest.”
“You don’t have to make an excuse for him,” Nino snorted a pitiful laugh to himself, “It just makes me feel more pathetic.”
Aiba just squeezed Nino’s hand and said, “Just rest, Nino. If you want to make it to the stage this Saturday, you should rest.”
Nino just kept wearing his bitter smile.
Then, Aiba’s voice broke the silence, “Or- or maybe you should stop performing and just do the chem-”
“We’ve discussed this already,” Nino cut, “My time is not long anymore anyway, just let me do what I want to do.”
“At least try, Nino,” Aiba insisted.
It’s this conversation all over again; the one that they had been having since the past few months. Nino was lucky it was just Aiba that time, not all three of his best friends at once.
“I’m tired, Masaki,” Nino said, eyes pleading.
Aiba had a hard time fighting with himself inside his head. In the end, he knew he couldn’t do anything at all, “I couldn’t believe this is happening.”
“Me neither,” Nino patted Aiba’s head softly and he couldn’t help but thinking that maybe - maybe - it would be different if it was Ohno instead of Aiba.
Then, his heart broke all over again.
*******
“Hey, Riida,” Jun scooted closer to Ohno when it was just the two of them in the green room.
Ohno eyed the younger. Jun’s body language was weird but Ohno didn’t ask about it. Actually, everyone was weird lately but Ohno was too overwhelmed with his own problem that he couldn’t care less about anything else.
“You and Nino- don’t you want to give it a try again?” Jun asked, still with the weird gestures.
Ohno snorted a laugh. A bitter, suspiciously sounded like a self-pitying laugh, “You’re kidding, right?”
“You and Nino were such a good couple, don’t you want to get back to him? Don’t you- don’t you want to ask him to come back?” Jun asked so cautiously like something would explode if he didn’t.
“Why should I? He’s the one who broke up with me, saying that he’s tired with me and wanted to move out.”
“But he loves you.”
Ohno rolled his eyes and snorted another laugh, “Yeah, right.”
Jun lost his patience, “Riida, do you even-”
“Jun,” the door was opened and Nino emerged, his eyes were furious, “Don’t you have something better to do?”
Jun was baffled, “Nino, I-”
“You’ve promised,” Nino said.
Ohno didn’t know what was happening, but seeing his ex-lover there by the door made him felt the unpleasant feeling in his heart again. He put his glum face on and looked away.
“I just-”
“Jun!” Nino warned.
With that, Jun surrendered. He took his bag and retreated outside. He was irritated but everyone could tell that he wasn’t mad to Nino.
Nino exhaled a long breath when Jun was already out of sight. The air around them was still tense and awkward even though it was already three months since Nino moved out, “I’m sorry about that.”
Ohno refused to look at Nino but he managed to catch a glimpse of Nino’s figure from the corner of his eyes. Nino was obviously thinner and paler than the last time they met. He wanted to ask, but his ego and his broken heart forbade him to do so.
Nino shifted on his feet uncomfortably then took his notebook that was left on the table. He turned on his heels and said, “Well then, I’m leaving. Be careful on your way home, Riida.”
Ohno just nodded to that.
*******
“You alright?” Sho asked for the twelfth time that day.
They were rehearsing and Nino wasn’t really on his best condition. He never was since months ago, actually, but that day it’s just worse.
“Just out of breath. I’m okay,” Nino assured. He sat down and pushed Sho away, “You get back to dance, I’ll join you again in a minute.”
“Don’t push yourself,” Sho said. He didn’t move, though, still worried sick because Nino seemed paler than ever.
“Leave him be, Sho kun. Don’t let a lazy ass slow us down!” Ohno’s voice came like a thunder. It made both Sho and Nino froze in shock. In all honesty, it was just rubbing salt over Ohno’s wound to see Nino so close to Sho. Or Aiba. Or Jun. But not him.
And of course, there’s no way to express his desperation better than being all bitter like that.
Sho was able to regain his being sooner than Nino and he was mad, “What the-”
Nino grinned awkwardly even though his heart was wrenched. He pulled Sho to calm the older down, “He’s right, Sho kun. Go.”
Ohno snorted a cynical laugh, “See, even the lazy ass recognized himself.”
“Ohno Satoshi!” Sho screamed. The weak hand that persistently held him back saved Ohno from possible outrage.
“What?! I’m just stating the truth. He’s been slowing us down for a while now. Probably he’s tired of Arashi, like he’s tired of anything else,” Ohno snapped and it became clear that he still couldn’t get over the breakup yet. He’s still mad, his pride was still hurt.
“What’s your problem, Oh chan?” Nino finally asked. He stood up, pushing Sho away to fully confront the love of his life that he had let slip away.
“You are. A lazy ass like you is my problem,” Ohno spitted out with a disgusted face.
It felt like suddenly Nino’s pain was multiplied by a million times. He was giving his best to keep dancing under his condition and yet he got called lazy ass in return.
He gritted his teeth and gripped the seam of his pants to contain himself, “You, Ohno Satoshi, don’t know anything about me. You don’t have the right to call me a lazy ass as you please when you. Don’t. Know. A. Thing.”
“Oh, I know you. You’re the quitter who decides to end something just because you got tired of it.”
That thing again. Nino knew it had nothing to do with the practice or even Arashi in general, it was just about him. And their relationship. And the end of it.
“Oh, cut the tears, Ninomiya! Just tell the president that you want to quit already! It’s your specialty, right?! Ending things one-sidedly,” Ohno grunted when he saw Nino’s eyes were already pooled with tears, “It’s not like we can’t go on without you. We’ll be just fine! I’ll be just fine! Just get lost already!”
Nino observed Ohno with tears streaming down his cheeks. It felt awful because he stayed - even though he was huffing and puffing all the time, trying to get the oxygen that he desperately needed - just so he could stay around Ohno, and now Ohno told him to get lost.
Like he was nothing. Like everything that happened between them was nothing.
Nothing at all.
Then, it hit him.
What exactly was he doing there?
He felt so pathetic, suddenly. His mind wandered to the past sixteen years and it pained him more than the illness did to him.
He felt silly. He felt like a fool.
He felt suffocated. All the love, all the struggle, all the fight that he had given and done - it was all coming to an end. He was approaching the finish line, knowing that he had gotten nothing at all.
He had failed. And he had given up.
He was unable to utter anything. He just threw a pained look to Ohno for the last time and took his bag, walking away as fast as he could.
Before he knew it, Nino was running while crying to himself and it felt excruciating. Agonizing.
The last thing that he heard before he saw black was a faint voice of someone screaming his name.
It was Ohno, but Nino would never figure it out.
*******
“You!” Sho cornered Ohno to the wall once Nino was admitted to the ICU. Jun was inside the ICU room and Aiba was pacing back and forth with worry painted on his face, “You jerk, what the hell have you done?!”
“I don’t know!” Ohno barked back. He was confused as hell and agitated since everyone seemed to know what was going on except him, “What happened to him?!”
Aiba fidgeted uncomfortably and considered to make an escape by saying that he would fetch some drinks, but he was too afraid to miss something out if he left.
“Do you know what’s happening? Do you guys hide something from me?!” Ohno continued to ask in high tension when Sho released him and looked away.
Somehow, Ohno sensed that something was terribly not right.
“Sho kun, answer, for God’s sake!”
Sho stayed silent. Aiba asked the Gods to wake him up - as if it was just an awful dream.
“Answer me!”
“Shut up, you don’t have the right to ask anything, you heartless dumbass!” Sho screamed and Aiba rushed to calm him down. They couldn’t afford being kicked out from the hospital. Sho hissed in a much lower tone through his gritted teeth, his hands clutching Ohno’s collar, “If anything - anything - happened to him, I will never forgive you. Remember that, you useless prick!”
“What. Happened. To. Him?!” Ohno challenged Sho’s threat. He stared straight to Sho’s eyes.
“He’s awake,” Jun emerged from behind the door, “Nino’s awake.”
The three men were alerted, rushing to the room.
Jun stopped one of them, “If you’re about to make a scene again-”
Ohno gulped down. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew he caused all this. And he knew that he was on the wrong side.
So he pushed down his ego, calmed himself down, and finally nodded.
Nino was just figuring out what happened when his eyes caught his band-mates entering the hospital room. Slowly everything came back to him; that he was sick, that he was in rehearsal room, that the excruciating pain he felt only had a little to do with his illness, that fainting again meant it’s time.
It’s time to really give up.
But then, Ohno walked in. With his upset eyes and sported pout that Nino always found so cute. With his small built and strong arms. With memories. Their memories.
And Nino felt it again. The surge of feelings that he knew would do him nothing but pain and another good round of torture.
Nino loved Ohno so much. So much that it killed him almost literally.
So much that remembering Ohno’s voice telling him to get lost made him felt like a piece of junk.
With a struggle, Nino moved his oxygen mask away. He lifted his arm, pointing a finger at Ohno. Tears were definitely pooling up again.
“I don’t want to see him,” he finally made his decision, “I don’t want to see him ever again.”
*******
“C- can-,” Ohno wasn’t even capable of spelling the disease’s name to confirm it when he finally heard it from Jun. He had thrown a tantrum since Nino refused to see him again and Jun deemed it necessary to tell Ohno the truth.
He deserved at least an explanation, Jun had said.
Ohno’s world was crumbling down to ashes. His blood felt like it was drained out of his body. His anger was dissipated in an instant, drastically turned into shock and disbelief.
“S- Since when?” Ohno asked, his gesture was all but calm.
“A year or so,” Jun answered. They were outside at the hospital’s garden.
“What?” Ohno gaped. They were still living together until several months ago, “Why did he hide it from me? Why did you?!”
“He didn’t really hide it from you,” Jun sighed, “He just didn’t tell you. Or any of us. We managed to find it out by ourselves- really, Riida, you didn’t realize it at all?!”
Jun was a bit more than irritated.
Ohno looked down. He did notice that Nino’s cough was somewhat alarming and that Nino became annoyingly clingy in nights when he complained that his chest was hurt. He also noticed that Nino often slept restlessly.
But he ignored them all. In fact, he yelled at Nino once because he thought Nino was being difficult.
He didn’t know that Nino was sick. No, he didn’t even want to know.
What a jerk, he thought to himself.
“I- Oh, God,” Ohno buried his face to the palm of his hands.
“He made us promise to not tell you,” Jun added, “He said he’ll tell you himself if you ask, but I guess you didn’t.”
“I-”
“He was very sick, Riida. I can’t comprehend how you - who are not blind - could miss it. You lived with him, for God’s sake! Even Johnny san noticed it!” Jun started to show how mad he actually was to Ohno, “Do you even care about him?!”
“I do! I do! I just-,” Ohno tried to find a reason but he can’t.
“Don’t think anything else but yourself is important, is that it?” Jun tried to help with a hint of fury. He sighed and stood up, visibly disappointed by Ohno, “You should introspect yourself, Riida. You’re not the center of the universe. I know you don’t mean it to be like this, but- look at him now. Look at Nino.”
Ohno was stung by Jun’s words. Probably Jun was right, he was too concerned about himself that he didn’t even aware how sick Nino was.
“He has done his portion of making your relationship works and much more than it, Riida. Don’t you think it’s your turn to do yours?” Jun sighed and walked away but then he stopped to say, “Though it’s probably already too late now.”
It hit Ohno so hard.
Too late.
Ohno gaped because everything was just too much to digest. He was egoistically upset because Nino broke him up one moment and on the next one, he learned that Nino was dying.
Now it’s Ohno who was crying.
*******
Ohno stared at the door, stealing a look inside the hospital room every once in a while. His heart was wrenching, his chest was aching. Guilt and desperation swarmed from his head to his toe. He really wanted to be next to Nino, but he wasn’t sure if he even had the right to do so. In the past 9 hours since his last conversation with Jun, Ohno had been retracing every moment that he shared with Nino and he felt like a total jerk for not knowing that Nino was sick when it was so obvious.
He was too egoist, too self-centric. So not worthy to have a man as kind and sincere as Nino to love him. To think that he yelled at Nino so rudely that morning, shouting shallow things just because his pride was hurt, made him ashamed of himself.
No. He was not just ashamed of himself. He was disappointed with himself. He was angry to himself. He despised himself.
“Riida, you should eat,” Aiba’s voice didn’t sound so cheerful when he nudged Ohno. He was with Nino all the time, but Jun just came back and they decided to take turn in accompanying Nino. Nino didn’t like crowd, anyway.
“No, I’m okay,” Ohno weakly said. How could he eat when Nino was there, lying helplessly? He had been missing out so much, he couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t.
“It’s not an offer, it’s a command,” Aiba said fiercely. From his face, anyone could tell that Aiba wasn’t messing around.
Ohno just stared at Aiba, considering what to do.
“Stop being so hard-headed, Ohno san. You should know by now it would never give you any good,” Aiba half grunted, like his patience was running thin. It’s so rare that Aiba got that irritated. “Sitting here and weeping like a kid would never give anyone any good either.”
Ohno thought it over and he finally stood up. Aiba didn’t even bother to wait for Ohno, he walked rather quickly to the hospital’s cafeteria.
Even though Aiba was the one who insisted to go there, he only ordered a melon pan and a box of milk so Ohno did the same too. They sat on a secluded corner and did nothing but heaving deep sighs for some moments.
Aiba finally opened the melon pan wrapper but he didn’t eat it. He just looked at it, “Nino loves melon pan, do you even know that?”
Ohno stared at his own melon pan and nodded. At least he knew that. He also knew that Nino loves hamburger, but he started to wonder if it’s true. It seemed like he knew nothing about Nino now.
“He loves it, but he would give it to me if I say I’m hungry. He would say that he’s bored with it, he would say that he doesn’t like it, even. He might be not very fond of saying it out loud but that way I know he really cares about me. That’s- that’s my Nino, Riida, and it’s just me, even, not you that he loves with everything that he has. He’d do everything and he did.”
Ohno gulped down. He didn’t really know what Aiba was trying to say.
“He’s the most selfless person I’ve ever met even though he acts as if he’s a jerk. You think the breakup hurts you? Oh, I bet the pain that you felt is nothing compared to the one that he’s enduring. The breakup hurts him more than it hurts you, yet he still did it. It’s the best for you, he said. All that he ever thinks on top of everything is you. You come first. Always.”
Ohno felt a dash of fondness and a flood of guilt running down his spine.
“He never kept secret from me, Ohno san,” Aiba was speaking formally, probably to stress that he was serious, “But he learned to, ever since I started to bug him that your relationship was not worthy to keep. He has given his all for the relationship; from approaching you, confessing to you, making us believe that everything will be alright, cleaning up after the mess you made when you fooled around with those chicks- For the love of God, Ohno Satoshi, it really seems like he’s the only one who wants this relationship to keep going while you don’t give a fuck about it. I told him to stop, he told me to fuck off. Ever since, he only told me when you made him happy. If he ever cried - which I’m sure he did so many times - he made sure none of us would know, and that’s how I found out that he’s really in love with you.”
Ohno swore he loved Nino so much. Ohno swore he also wanted the relationship to keep on going, that’s the exact reason why he had thrown a tantrum since Nino broke him up. But when he revisited the memories, he couldn’t help but to agree with Aiba.
It was all Nino’s effort to keep everything going. Even when Ohno’s scandal was out, Nino wasn’t even mad. He was just sad. Ohno remembered it very clearly.
Nino’s love for him was so endless that he overlooked it. He already got used to all the kindness and all the selfless sacrifices that Nino had made, that he failed to appreciate it.
What an ungrateful jerk, Ohno thought to himself.
“It’s not that I hate you as a person, Riida, because I’m not. But-,” Aiba looked down, he broke into tears. His body was trembling so hard and his fingers were dug into the melon pan, “He loves you, Riida! He loves you too much and he spent most of his life wondering if you love him back, yet too afraid to ask it. It breaks me to see him like this.”
“I love him too!” Ohno said, his tears didn’t stop him from confirming it, “I love him, he knows that!”
“Think about it again, Riida,” Aiba wiped his tears with the back of his hand, “When was the last time you show him that you really love him? He has been struggling with insecurities ever since his father left him, you know that. When was the last time you make him sure that you really love him?”
Ohno was dumbfounded by that. He bit his lower lip so hard that it bled.
Was it true? Had Nino been in deep uncertainty, wondering if he loves Nino back? Had he shown Nino enough that he loved the younger so much?
No. Maybe he hadn’t. He hurt Nino over and over again, yet he didn’t even realize it.
Jun was right, he was too self-centric. Aiba was right, the relationship was not worthy to keep. No, Ohno was not worthy to be kept by Nino.
“What should I do now?” Ohno was really close to sobbing.
“Are you sure you love him?” Aiba asked as if he was afraid that Ohno would fool him.
“I do,” Ohno answered because he really did.
“Then tell him,” Aiba pleaded, “Show him that you love him, Ohno san. Show him that you won’t take him for granted like you used to. I beg you, Riida. He’s giving up and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose Nino.”
“But he doesn’t want to-”
“I’ll find a way. I’d do anything if it means giving his hope back. I just want him to keep on living,” Aiba assured, “But if you break his heart again, Ohno san, I swear to the Gods I’ll kill you with my own two hands.”
Ohno tried to even his breathings. He had to prove to Nino that he loved Nino with all of his heart. He had to seek for forgiveness from Nino. He had to get Nino back.
They left for Nino’s room after that, leaving two melon pans uneaten.
Just when Nino’s door was in sight, Sho emerged from it. His face was pale. He looked like he was shaken hard.
“Nino-,” Sho tried to talk.
“What happened, Sho chan?” Aiba asked. He was panic because Sho was too.
“Nino wants to go home. He said he.. wants to.. end this.”
To be continued..
This is supposed to be a one-shot, but I got carried away, so I splitted it up to some parts.
I don't know if this meets your expectation, ica_90, but I hope you enjoy it ♥
I Forgot You and Beauty Contest will be updated this week, then I will update this one. :)
Thanks for reading and comments are loved :)
Ohno was an egoist jerk but Nino's love towards him was unwavering. When one day Nino asked for a breakup, and when Ohno learned that Nino might leave him for real, he realized how he had taken Nino for granted.
“Let’s break up,” Ohno heard Nino said one day. Lightly, but meaningfully.
They were sitting on their living room, spending their day off like they usually did. They were fine, their relationship was fine, but Nino said it like he already thought about it for the longest time.
Ohno looked at Nino as if staring could draw out an explanation from the younger. They stayed silent, eyes on each other.
Finally, Ohno let out a response while lighting up his cigarette, “Not another bullshit, Kazunari.”
“I’ll move out tomorrow,” Nino said again, proving that he was serious.
Ohno’s eyes pierced to Nino’s. He looked scandalized. Betrayed. Furious. He clearly didn’t see this coming.
“What’s this?!”
“I- I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while and I think it’s best for us to separate,” Nino stuttered a bit and finally he averted his gaze, “I’m tired, Oh chan. I want to.. end this.”
“Tired?! You are tired of me, Kazunari?! Really?!” Ohno’s pride was hurt and it was never a good thing.
“No- I’m just-”
Ohno stood up abruptly, rage overpowered him, “Fine, do what you want. Just don’t come back to beg me to take you back!”
Nino could only stare as the older stormed outside and closed the door with a loud bang.
If Nino was crying silently to all of his clothes and game consoles while packing his belongings that night, Ohno didn’t know about it at all.
*******
“Did he ask about me?” Nino asked. His throat was dry and his lips were chapped, but he struggled to ask.
“He- he did,” Aiba answered, voice as soft as the cloud.
“He didn’t,” Nino concluded from how Aiba’s eyes were avoiding him.
“He’s just busy,” Aiba said, “Don’t think about him, just rest.”
“You don’t have to make an excuse for him,” Nino snorted a pitiful laugh to himself, “It just makes me feel more pathetic.”
Aiba just squeezed Nino’s hand and said, “Just rest, Nino. If you want to make it to the stage this Saturday, you should rest.”
Nino just kept wearing his bitter smile.
Then, Aiba’s voice broke the silence, “Or- or maybe you should stop performing and just do the chem-”
“We’ve discussed this already,” Nino cut, “My time is not long anymore anyway, just let me do what I want to do.”
“At least try, Nino,” Aiba insisted.
It’s this conversation all over again; the one that they had been having since the past few months. Nino was lucky it was just Aiba that time, not all three of his best friends at once.
“I’m tired, Masaki,” Nino said, eyes pleading.
Aiba had a hard time fighting with himself inside his head. In the end, he knew he couldn’t do anything at all, “I couldn’t believe this is happening.”
“Me neither,” Nino patted Aiba’s head softly and he couldn’t help but thinking that maybe - maybe - it would be different if it was Ohno instead of Aiba.
Then, his heart broke all over again.
*******
“Hey, Riida,” Jun scooted closer to Ohno when it was just the two of them in the green room.
Ohno eyed the younger. Jun’s body language was weird but Ohno didn’t ask about it. Actually, everyone was weird lately but Ohno was too overwhelmed with his own problem that he couldn’t care less about anything else.
“You and Nino- don’t you want to give it a try again?” Jun asked, still with the weird gestures.
Ohno snorted a laugh. A bitter, suspiciously sounded like a self-pitying laugh, “You’re kidding, right?”
“You and Nino were such a good couple, don’t you want to get back to him? Don’t you- don’t you want to ask him to come back?” Jun asked so cautiously like something would explode if he didn’t.
“Why should I? He’s the one who broke up with me, saying that he’s tired with me and wanted to move out.”
“But he loves you.”
Ohno rolled his eyes and snorted another laugh, “Yeah, right.”
Jun lost his patience, “Riida, do you even-”
“Jun,” the door was opened and Nino emerged, his eyes were furious, “Don’t you have something better to do?”
Jun was baffled, “Nino, I-”
“You’ve promised,” Nino said.
Ohno didn’t know what was happening, but seeing his ex-lover there by the door made him felt the unpleasant feeling in his heart again. He put his glum face on and looked away.
“I just-”
“Jun!” Nino warned.
With that, Jun surrendered. He took his bag and retreated outside. He was irritated but everyone could tell that he wasn’t mad to Nino.
Nino exhaled a long breath when Jun was already out of sight. The air around them was still tense and awkward even though it was already three months since Nino moved out, “I’m sorry about that.”
Ohno refused to look at Nino but he managed to catch a glimpse of Nino’s figure from the corner of his eyes. Nino was obviously thinner and paler than the last time they met. He wanted to ask, but his ego and his broken heart forbade him to do so.
Nino shifted on his feet uncomfortably then took his notebook that was left on the table. He turned on his heels and said, “Well then, I’m leaving. Be careful on your way home, Riida.”
Ohno just nodded to that.
*******
“You alright?” Sho asked for the twelfth time that day.
They were rehearsing and Nino wasn’t really on his best condition. He never was since months ago, actually, but that day it’s just worse.
“Just out of breath. I’m okay,” Nino assured. He sat down and pushed Sho away, “You get back to dance, I’ll join you again in a minute.”
“Don’t push yourself,” Sho said. He didn’t move, though, still worried sick because Nino seemed paler than ever.
“Leave him be, Sho kun. Don’t let a lazy ass slow us down!” Ohno’s voice came like a thunder. It made both Sho and Nino froze in shock. In all honesty, it was just rubbing salt over Ohno’s wound to see Nino so close to Sho. Or Aiba. Or Jun. But not him.
And of course, there’s no way to express his desperation better than being all bitter like that.
Sho was able to regain his being sooner than Nino and he was mad, “What the-”
Nino grinned awkwardly even though his heart was wrenched. He pulled Sho to calm the older down, “He’s right, Sho kun. Go.”
Ohno snorted a cynical laugh, “See, even the lazy ass recognized himself.”
“Ohno Satoshi!” Sho screamed. The weak hand that persistently held him back saved Ohno from possible outrage.
“What?! I’m just stating the truth. He’s been slowing us down for a while now. Probably he’s tired of Arashi, like he’s tired of anything else,” Ohno snapped and it became clear that he still couldn’t get over the breakup yet. He’s still mad, his pride was still hurt.
“What’s your problem, Oh chan?” Nino finally asked. He stood up, pushing Sho away to fully confront the love of his life that he had let slip away.
“You are. A lazy ass like you is my problem,” Ohno spitted out with a disgusted face.
It felt like suddenly Nino’s pain was multiplied by a million times. He was giving his best to keep dancing under his condition and yet he got called lazy ass in return.
He gritted his teeth and gripped the seam of his pants to contain himself, “You, Ohno Satoshi, don’t know anything about me. You don’t have the right to call me a lazy ass as you please when you. Don’t. Know. A. Thing.”
“Oh, I know you. You’re the quitter who decides to end something just because you got tired of it.”
That thing again. Nino knew it had nothing to do with the practice or even Arashi in general, it was just about him. And their relationship. And the end of it.
“Oh, cut the tears, Ninomiya! Just tell the president that you want to quit already! It’s your specialty, right?! Ending things one-sidedly,” Ohno grunted when he saw Nino’s eyes were already pooled with tears, “It’s not like we can’t go on without you. We’ll be just fine! I’ll be just fine! Just get lost already!”
Nino observed Ohno with tears streaming down his cheeks. It felt awful because he stayed - even though he was huffing and puffing all the time, trying to get the oxygen that he desperately needed - just so he could stay around Ohno, and now Ohno told him to get lost.
Like he was nothing. Like everything that happened between them was nothing.
Nothing at all.
Then, it hit him.
What exactly was he doing there?
He felt so pathetic, suddenly. His mind wandered to the past sixteen years and it pained him more than the illness did to him.
He felt silly. He felt like a fool.
He felt suffocated. All the love, all the struggle, all the fight that he had given and done - it was all coming to an end. He was approaching the finish line, knowing that he had gotten nothing at all.
He had failed. And he had given up.
He was unable to utter anything. He just threw a pained look to Ohno for the last time and took his bag, walking away as fast as he could.
Before he knew it, Nino was running while crying to himself and it felt excruciating. Agonizing.
The last thing that he heard before he saw black was a faint voice of someone screaming his name.
It was Ohno, but Nino would never figure it out.
*******
“You!” Sho cornered Ohno to the wall once Nino was admitted to the ICU. Jun was inside the ICU room and Aiba was pacing back and forth with worry painted on his face, “You jerk, what the hell have you done?!”
“I don’t know!” Ohno barked back. He was confused as hell and agitated since everyone seemed to know what was going on except him, “What happened to him?!”
Aiba fidgeted uncomfortably and considered to make an escape by saying that he would fetch some drinks, but he was too afraid to miss something out if he left.
“Do you know what’s happening? Do you guys hide something from me?!” Ohno continued to ask in high tension when Sho released him and looked away.
Somehow, Ohno sensed that something was terribly not right.
“Sho kun, answer, for God’s sake!”
Sho stayed silent. Aiba asked the Gods to wake him up - as if it was just an awful dream.
“Answer me!”
“Shut up, you don’t have the right to ask anything, you heartless dumbass!” Sho screamed and Aiba rushed to calm him down. They couldn’t afford being kicked out from the hospital. Sho hissed in a much lower tone through his gritted teeth, his hands clutching Ohno’s collar, “If anything - anything - happened to him, I will never forgive you. Remember that, you useless prick!”
“What. Happened. To. Him?!” Ohno challenged Sho’s threat. He stared straight to Sho’s eyes.
“He’s awake,” Jun emerged from behind the door, “Nino’s awake.”
The three men were alerted, rushing to the room.
Jun stopped one of them, “If you’re about to make a scene again-”
Ohno gulped down. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew he caused all this. And he knew that he was on the wrong side.
So he pushed down his ego, calmed himself down, and finally nodded.
Nino was just figuring out what happened when his eyes caught his band-mates entering the hospital room. Slowly everything came back to him; that he was sick, that he was in rehearsal room, that the excruciating pain he felt only had a little to do with his illness, that fainting again meant it’s time.
It’s time to really give up.
But then, Ohno walked in. With his upset eyes and sported pout that Nino always found so cute. With his small built and strong arms. With memories. Their memories.
And Nino felt it again. The surge of feelings that he knew would do him nothing but pain and another good round of torture.
Nino loved Ohno so much. So much that it killed him almost literally.
So much that remembering Ohno’s voice telling him to get lost made him felt like a piece of junk.
With a struggle, Nino moved his oxygen mask away. He lifted his arm, pointing a finger at Ohno. Tears were definitely pooling up again.
“I don’t want to see him,” he finally made his decision, “I don’t want to see him ever again.”
*******
“C- can-,” Ohno wasn’t even capable of spelling the disease’s name to confirm it when he finally heard it from Jun. He had thrown a tantrum since Nino refused to see him again and Jun deemed it necessary to tell Ohno the truth.
He deserved at least an explanation, Jun had said.
Ohno’s world was crumbling down to ashes. His blood felt like it was drained out of his body. His anger was dissipated in an instant, drastically turned into shock and disbelief.
“S- Since when?” Ohno asked, his gesture was all but calm.
“A year or so,” Jun answered. They were outside at the hospital’s garden.
“What?” Ohno gaped. They were still living together until several months ago, “Why did he hide it from me? Why did you?!”
“He didn’t really hide it from you,” Jun sighed, “He just didn’t tell you. Or any of us. We managed to find it out by ourselves- really, Riida, you didn’t realize it at all?!”
Jun was a bit more than irritated.
Ohno looked down. He did notice that Nino’s cough was somewhat alarming and that Nino became annoyingly clingy in nights when he complained that his chest was hurt. He also noticed that Nino often slept restlessly.
But he ignored them all. In fact, he yelled at Nino once because he thought Nino was being difficult.
He didn’t know that Nino was sick. No, he didn’t even want to know.
What a jerk, he thought to himself.
“I- Oh, God,” Ohno buried his face to the palm of his hands.
“He made us promise to not tell you,” Jun added, “He said he’ll tell you himself if you ask, but I guess you didn’t.”
“I-”
“He was very sick, Riida. I can’t comprehend how you - who are not blind - could miss it. You lived with him, for God’s sake! Even Johnny san noticed it!” Jun started to show how mad he actually was to Ohno, “Do you even care about him?!”
“I do! I do! I just-,” Ohno tried to find a reason but he can’t.
“Don’t think anything else but yourself is important, is that it?” Jun tried to help with a hint of fury. He sighed and stood up, visibly disappointed by Ohno, “You should introspect yourself, Riida. You’re not the center of the universe. I know you don’t mean it to be like this, but- look at him now. Look at Nino.”
Ohno was stung by Jun’s words. Probably Jun was right, he was too concerned about himself that he didn’t even aware how sick Nino was.
“He has done his portion of making your relationship works and much more than it, Riida. Don’t you think it’s your turn to do yours?” Jun sighed and walked away but then he stopped to say, “Though it’s probably already too late now.”
It hit Ohno so hard.
Too late.
Ohno gaped because everything was just too much to digest. He was egoistically upset because Nino broke him up one moment and on the next one, he learned that Nino was dying.
Now it’s Ohno who was crying.
*******
Ohno stared at the door, stealing a look inside the hospital room every once in a while. His heart was wrenching, his chest was aching. Guilt and desperation swarmed from his head to his toe. He really wanted to be next to Nino, but he wasn’t sure if he even had the right to do so. In the past 9 hours since his last conversation with Jun, Ohno had been retracing every moment that he shared with Nino and he felt like a total jerk for not knowing that Nino was sick when it was so obvious.
He was too egoist, too self-centric. So not worthy to have a man as kind and sincere as Nino to love him. To think that he yelled at Nino so rudely that morning, shouting shallow things just because his pride was hurt, made him ashamed of himself.
No. He was not just ashamed of himself. He was disappointed with himself. He was angry to himself. He despised himself.
“Riida, you should eat,” Aiba’s voice didn’t sound so cheerful when he nudged Ohno. He was with Nino all the time, but Jun just came back and they decided to take turn in accompanying Nino. Nino didn’t like crowd, anyway.
“No, I’m okay,” Ohno weakly said. How could he eat when Nino was there, lying helplessly? He had been missing out so much, he couldn’t leave. He just couldn’t.
“It’s not an offer, it’s a command,” Aiba said fiercely. From his face, anyone could tell that Aiba wasn’t messing around.
Ohno just stared at Aiba, considering what to do.
“Stop being so hard-headed, Ohno san. You should know by now it would never give you any good,” Aiba half grunted, like his patience was running thin. It’s so rare that Aiba got that irritated. “Sitting here and weeping like a kid would never give anyone any good either.”
Ohno thought it over and he finally stood up. Aiba didn’t even bother to wait for Ohno, he walked rather quickly to the hospital’s cafeteria.
Even though Aiba was the one who insisted to go there, he only ordered a melon pan and a box of milk so Ohno did the same too. They sat on a secluded corner and did nothing but heaving deep sighs for some moments.
Aiba finally opened the melon pan wrapper but he didn’t eat it. He just looked at it, “Nino loves melon pan, do you even know that?”
Ohno stared at his own melon pan and nodded. At least he knew that. He also knew that Nino loves hamburger, but he started to wonder if it’s true. It seemed like he knew nothing about Nino now.
“He loves it, but he would give it to me if I say I’m hungry. He would say that he’s bored with it, he would say that he doesn’t like it, even. He might be not very fond of saying it out loud but that way I know he really cares about me. That’s- that’s my Nino, Riida, and it’s just me, even, not you that he loves with everything that he has. He’d do everything and he did.”
Ohno gulped down. He didn’t really know what Aiba was trying to say.
“He’s the most selfless person I’ve ever met even though he acts as if he’s a jerk. You think the breakup hurts you? Oh, I bet the pain that you felt is nothing compared to the one that he’s enduring. The breakup hurts him more than it hurts you, yet he still did it. It’s the best for you, he said. All that he ever thinks on top of everything is you. You come first. Always.”
Ohno felt a dash of fondness and a flood of guilt running down his spine.
“He never kept secret from me, Ohno san,” Aiba was speaking formally, probably to stress that he was serious, “But he learned to, ever since I started to bug him that your relationship was not worthy to keep. He has given his all for the relationship; from approaching you, confessing to you, making us believe that everything will be alright, cleaning up after the mess you made when you fooled around with those chicks- For the love of God, Ohno Satoshi, it really seems like he’s the only one who wants this relationship to keep going while you don’t give a fuck about it. I told him to stop, he told me to fuck off. Ever since, he only told me when you made him happy. If he ever cried - which I’m sure he did so many times - he made sure none of us would know, and that’s how I found out that he’s really in love with you.”
Ohno swore he loved Nino so much. Ohno swore he also wanted the relationship to keep on going, that’s the exact reason why he had thrown a tantrum since Nino broke him up. But when he revisited the memories, he couldn’t help but to agree with Aiba.
It was all Nino’s effort to keep everything going. Even when Ohno’s scandal was out, Nino wasn’t even mad. He was just sad. Ohno remembered it very clearly.
Nino’s love for him was so endless that he overlooked it. He already got used to all the kindness and all the selfless sacrifices that Nino had made, that he failed to appreciate it.
What an ungrateful jerk, Ohno thought to himself.
“It’s not that I hate you as a person, Riida, because I’m not. But-,” Aiba looked down, he broke into tears. His body was trembling so hard and his fingers were dug into the melon pan, “He loves you, Riida! He loves you too much and he spent most of his life wondering if you love him back, yet too afraid to ask it. It breaks me to see him like this.”
“I love him too!” Ohno said, his tears didn’t stop him from confirming it, “I love him, he knows that!”
“Think about it again, Riida,” Aiba wiped his tears with the back of his hand, “When was the last time you show him that you really love him? He has been struggling with insecurities ever since his father left him, you know that. When was the last time you make him sure that you really love him?”
Ohno was dumbfounded by that. He bit his lower lip so hard that it bled.
Was it true? Had Nino been in deep uncertainty, wondering if he loves Nino back? Had he shown Nino enough that he loved the younger so much?
No. Maybe he hadn’t. He hurt Nino over and over again, yet he didn’t even realize it.
Jun was right, he was too self-centric. Aiba was right, the relationship was not worthy to keep. No, Ohno was not worthy to be kept by Nino.
“What should I do now?” Ohno was really close to sobbing.
“Are you sure you love him?” Aiba asked as if he was afraid that Ohno would fool him.
“I do,” Ohno answered because he really did.
“Then tell him,” Aiba pleaded, “Show him that you love him, Ohno san. Show him that you won’t take him for granted like you used to. I beg you, Riida. He’s giving up and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to lose Nino.”
“But he doesn’t want to-”
“I’ll find a way. I’d do anything if it means giving his hope back. I just want him to keep on living,” Aiba assured, “But if you break his heart again, Ohno san, I swear to the Gods I’ll kill you with my own two hands.”
Ohno tried to even his breathings. He had to prove to Nino that he loved Nino with all of his heart. He had to seek for forgiveness from Nino. He had to get Nino back.
They left for Nino’s room after that, leaving two melon pans uneaten.
Just when Nino’s door was in sight, Sho emerged from it. His face was pale. He looked like he was shaken hard.
“Nino-,” Sho tried to talk.
“What happened, Sho chan?” Aiba asked. He was panic because Sho was too.
“Nino wants to go home. He said he.. wants to.. end this.”
To be continued..
This is supposed to be a one-shot, but I got carried away, so I splitted it up to some parts.
I don't know if this meets your expectation, ica_90, but I hope you enjoy it ♥
I Forgot You and Beauty Contest will be updated this week, then I will update this one. :)
Thanks for reading and comments are loved :)