Unnecessary Secret [14/?]
"Leave me, Sho chan. Leave me and find another person who can properly have a relationship with you..."
"They are.... such a happy couple, aren't they?" Nino whispered. Faintly, he heard Jun's laughter and Sho's teasing voice from the kitchen. It was Sho's 20th birthday that day. Jun and Nino came to surprise him at 12 o'clock and decided to stay the night, just like what they did to Satoshi's 20th birthday 2 months earlier.
Satoshi hugged Nino from behind with his eyes still closed, "Don't you think we are too?"
"We are too, of course," Nino answered without thinking, "but.. you know.. it's amazing how steady their relationship are. They never argue, never fight. Even with that manwhore Toma around."
Nino sighed, "Maybe Jun just trusts Nii chan too much."
There's a long pause. They listened to the happy commotion outside. It's clear that Sho was teasing Jun who was trying to prepare breakfast.
"He doesn't," suddenly Satoshi said.
"Hm?" Nino shifted his gaze to Satoshi from a bunch of paintings that were messily placed on the wall.
"He doesn't trust Sho kun that much," Satoshi finally opened his eyes, "He just... hides it well."
Nino kept his stare to Satoshi's sleepy eyes, demanding more explanation.
"Sho kun often spend the entire night on campus, right? I noticed that every time he did that, Jun would call me. He would say random things like 'Mom's home' or 'Dad's getting fat' then led the conversation towards Sho kun's condition and whereabouts. He... sometimes he doubted Sho kun's statement about his whereabouts."
Nino smirked. He loves it when Satoshi talked much, he wanted to keep him going, "Really?"
"Unn.. but the frequency is decreasing rapidly since Sho is busy assisting a small group of kouhai. Sho being surrounded by many people other than Toma seems to make him more relax," Satoshi pictured the little merry group that often come to discuss about lectures and assignments. The little group that went ‘Sakurai senpai, Sakurai senpai’ all over the place.
"Kouhai?" The subject caught Nino's attention. He turned his whole body to face Satoshi and gave the older a puzzled look.
"Yes. A girl named Kiko or something and the other 2 boys that I can't even remember the name," Satoshi pecked Nino's eyelid, "they are..... diligent students. Always talking about medicines and bones and viruses."
Nino found it a little odd, but remembering how smart his brother was, he somehow understood why the kouhai got attached over Sho. Despite the slight oddity that bothered him, he felt a strange relief, "Ah.. I see. It's a good thing then. He curved a smile, "I don't think that manwhore can stand being in that kind of conversation for long."
"Yes." Satoshi closed his eyes again, "Enough talking about another men. Come closer now, it's freezing."
Nino happily obliged and buried his face on the crook of Satoshi's neck.
Few minutes later, the doorbell rang and a familiar voice surged in. Nino's eyes fluttered open and he pushed Satoshi aside. He stood up in a rush.
"That manwhore," Nino hissed.
Satoshi reached Nino's hand, "Don't start a fight again, Kazu. It's your Nii chan's birthday."
Nino opened his mouth to argue but then he closed it again.
"Fine. But at least I want him to be under my watch," Nino stomped outside.
"Erase that frown, handsome," Satoshi followed closely from behind, "I want to brag my handsome boyfriend to the world."
The words made Nino smiled and blushed just in time he walked out the door.
*******
Jun laughed hysterically when Sho tried to smear cake on Jun's cheek. He avoided it skillfully but Sho caught him and pulled him closer.
Jun reached for napkin to wipe the cream on his face with laughter still blaring in the air, "You really shouldn't waste the cake like this, Sho chan."
Sho snatched the napkin away and leaned closer all of the sudden. In a swift movement, he licked the sweet cream off Jun's cheek. The second suddenly felt so much longer, both of their heart beats were stopped for a moment. Sho cleaned Jun’s cheek completely with a soft kiss. He giddily whispered then, "I'm not wasting it."
Jun stunned. His laughter gone. Sho inched away and observed every inch of Jun's face. Good to Sho, there was no horror there, only blush.
"You are so damn gorgeous, you know that?" Sho's voice was so soft it almost unheard.
Jun’s cheek turned totally red. His smile grew steadily ear to ear. His heart jolted all over the place. He turned his face to the birthday cake and started to slice it, "L-Let's just eat the cake now."
Sho giggled and rested his hands on Jun’s hip from behind, "You are even more gorgeous when you're shy."
The doorbell rang and Sho grunted, annoyed by the disturbance. Jun smiled and gave him a slight push towards the door, “It must be your guest, birthday boy.”
Sho reluctantly moved to open the door. Toma was there, happy and loud at congratulating Sho.
Sho’s annoyed expression vanished in no time. Sho dragged his bestfriend inside and Toma hugged the birthday boy in instant. Usually, Jun would get gloomy over the over touchy Toma, but he was in a happy state so he let the scene slide. Jun took an extra plate to serve the cake instead.
In the midst of Toma’s congratulatory exclaims, Satoshi's room opened. Nino stepped outside and followed closely by Satoshi. Nino's face was flushed red from an unknown reason to the others.
"Rise and shine, couple!" Toma released Sho and greeted Nino and Satoshi.
"Aaah~ tousled hair, blushy cheeks, shared bedroom, I totally know what's going on between you two," Toma scanned the couple's appearances. He then leaned to Satoshi and whispered naughtily in a voice that could be heard by the entire room, "How was it? Wild? Tender? But he's Sho kun's brother so I think it must be fierce and heavenly, right?"
Before Sho could change the subject and Satoshi could answer the embarrassing question, Toma already turned his head to Sho, "See, Sho kun, even your little baby brother is doing it! It's really time for you to find someone to share your bed with. Your dick might get rusty, you know."
The words sent heat to Jun's ears. That was a very sensitive subject for him. He felt a pang of pain and a slight anger in his heart. The anger was unclear whether it was intended for Toma or for himself.
Sho stole a quick glance to Jun.
Dammit, Toma. Dammit! This is why I don't tell you about my relationship. You and your careless mouth.
"No. They're not doing it. I forbid them," Sho threw a deadly glare to Toma. He racked his brain to get over with the situation fast.
Toma didn't receive the unspoken warning, "Eh? Why?! They are in a relationship, right?"
"Doesn't mean they have to do it. Relationship needs love, not sex," Sho hardened his voice. He was naïve enough to hope that Toma will stop just with a strong tone and piercing gaze.
Jun felt a little hope bloomed as Sho words streamed to his ears. It eased him a little.
It’s Sho chan that I’m dating, so it’s his words that matters. Not Toma’s.
Toma laughed, "What the hell, Sho kun? It's so unlike you to say that."
"Toma..," Sho warned. He moved to scold Toma but it was too late.
Toma spilled the next words so airily, "I even remember you once said 'it's not a relationship if there's no sex'."
Jun's little hope vanished in an instant. The chuckle decorated words felt like a razor that sliced his heart inch by inch.
"Toma!" Sho yelled. His face turned red from anger. From the corner of his eyes he could see Jun lifted his head in one fast movement, clearly astonished by Toma's words.
Jun put down his knife. His eyes were blank as he wiped his hands to his apron. He cursed himself inside. He hated himself for not being able to ignore those words.
Toma's words resonated in his head.
It's not a relationship if there's no sex.
Jun clenched his jaw and removed his apron. All done with his eyes still blank.
Sho chan…. He said that?
Jun stomped towards Sho and grabbed his hand. He dragged Sho to Sho's room and left the puzzled Toma behind the door.
Sho startled by how forceful Jun was. He couldn’t fathom what was about to happen.
"Wha-" Jun silenced Sho's question with a kiss in his lips. It was not a soft and tender kiss, it was a rough and almost mad kiss.
Sho was beyond surprised. He knew full well how physical contact freaked out his lover. When his brain finally registered the reason behind Jun's sudden aggressiveness, he relaxed his body and let Jun do anything to him without responding. He kept himself still, restraining himself from answering the kiss.
Oh, Jun, I know that moron’s words will affect you this much.
Jun could see images of his violator flashed in his head as he sneaked his tongue inside Sho's mouth sloppily. He shut his eyes tight in hope it could erase the unpleasant image.
Come on, Matsumoto Jun, this is Sakurai Sho and not that awful man. Get a hold of yourself!
Jun forced himself to keep on. He bit, he sucked. The flashback became more intense and realistic. He tried his best to fight his trauma but the tragedy was too overwhelming. His vision became blurry and his stomach churned. He finally gave up when he felt sick. He released Sho and ran to the toilet. He threw up.
Sho rubbed Jun's back to calm him down. He stood close and waited until Jun finished. He murmured assuring words to Jun’s ears.
Tears started to stream on Jun's cheek. He felt helpless. He felt like a failure. He felt unworthy.
Once Jun finished throwing up, Sho held him tight. Jun's body was shaking from the sobbing.
"Leave me, Sho chan. Leave me and find another person who can properly have a relationship with you," it was breaking him so bad to say it, but he really felt like a garbage at the moment.
Sho cupped Jun's face and made Jun to look directly to his eyes, "What the hell are you talking about?! Don't mind his words, okay? Like I said, relationship needs love and not sex. I love you and that's enough."
Right then, Sho saw a wounded boy before his eyes. A wounded, fragile, yet so stubborn boy that was way too young to be bothered about sex life. Yet, life was already so cruel to this angelic boy.
Jun stared deep at Sho's eyes.
Sho wiped the tears gently, "I love you. If it's with you, I don't mind to have no sex for the rest of my life."
Sincerity poured in every single word of Sho and it made Jun's crumbled, "I.. I'm sorry, Sho chan. I'm sorry that I.. I can't.. I ca-"
"Ssshh..," Sho interrupted Jun's words and hugged him. He stroke the shaky body so softly to calm him down, "There's no need to apologize, dear. You are perfect. Too perfect for me."
Jun couldn't hide it anymore. He spilled everything, "But you're ashamed of me, right?! You're ashamed that your boyfriend is not capable of doing mere sex. That's why you never told your friends about our relationship, right?!"
Sho's eyes widened in disbelieve, "No! No, no, no, no! Never! I have other reasons to not telling them, but it's not because I'm ashamed! I'm proud of you! Always!"
"But..," Jun was not convinced.
"No 'but'. Just forget that punk's words already. Okay? You love me, right?"
Jun kept silent. He felt not worthy for Sho. He felt like a failure.
"Answer me, Jun baby. You love me, right?"
Jun buried his face to Sho's shoulder. He pooled all his courage and confidence to finally answer, "Yes. Yes, I love you."
"Then, all is well. All is fine," Sho smiled. "You are my boyfriend and nothing could change that fact, okay?"
Jun felt warmth crept in his heart, but he couldn’t be convinced that easily, “But..”
Sho decided it was no use to argue with words. He helped Jun to stand up, “Let’s get outside first, okay?”
They stepped outside the bathroom but Jun felt extremely dizzy. Sho caught him just before he fell and carried him to the bed.
Sho did a quick check up and fetched a tube of dark liquid from Jun's bag, "Gosh, you are terrifyingly pale. We should have injected this earlier."
The dark liquid entered Jun's body in one push. Sho put aside the syringe and brushed Jun's cheek, "Now you rest, okay?"
Sho stood up and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going, Sho chan?" Jun felt ridiculously afraid of Sho leaving him. It was really ridiculous, given the fact that he told Sho to leave him just a moment ago.
"Gaining your trust back."
*******
Toma dumbfounded by all the information that Satoshi just gave him. He was already shocked that Sho dated Jun for a long time, but he almost crumbled to the floor when he heard Jun's trauma. He felt like an idiot and guilt filled his entire being. He sat at the sofa, head was low supported by his hands. Nino's demonic glare was still glued at him.
"So, to be honest, I think your words earlier might wounded Jun's feeling in an unfathomable way," Satoshi wrapped his explanation.
"Yes, it is," suddenly Sho's voice heard.
Toma lifted his face in shock. His best friend was there, looked furious but much calmer now.
Guilty roamed in him, but he was also upset that Sho didn’t even care to tell him all of that news, "My God, Sho! Why didn't you tell me earlier about you and Jun?"
"For what? So you can push him and make him uncomfortable with your words?! You always talk about sex, Toma, and it's not good for him," Sho snapped.
"I won't if I know about his trauma! I'm not a demon, Sho! I won't even bring up the subject if I know that he was-"
"He doesn't need your pity, so I never have the thought to let you know about that. I won't let you see him as a poor victim. Ever!" Sho yelled so loud. His vein was visible in his neck, “He doesn’t need any pity, he doesn’t need anyone to look down on him. I won’t let that happen.”
Jun could hear all the commotion from inside the room. He teared up. His heart ached. He was mad at himself for thinking that Sho was ashamed of him while in fact Sho was protecting him from being treated like a victim.
The doorbell rang again. Nino opened the door and was about to tell the guest to go.
"No, little brother, let them in," Sho commanded.
Nino was confused but he did what he told anyway. A group of people went in, a girl and two boys.
"Now, all of you, come with me," Sho walked to his own bedroom while dragging Toma. The others were following from behind, they had no idea what was going on but Sho’s tone told them that they’d better do whatever he said.
When they were all inside the bedroom, Sho announced in the bestest proud voice he could ever produce, "Everybody, meet Matsumoto Jun, my dearest boyfriend. He's a perfect boy that I love so much no matter what. He’s not in his prime condition now, but as you can see he’s even more gorgeous than any angel."
Jun startled and blushed. He fixed his position to a sitting one and bowed as best as he could.
"Jun chan, this is Toma, my dumb bestfriend. I believe you knew him well already," Sho pointed to Toma then to the new guests, "and they are my kouhai, Kei, Shige, and Kiko chan."
All of them bowed politely. Satoshi and Nino smiled from the background, astonished by Sho’s act. They threw approval nod and thumbs up to Sho in the end.
The only girl in the room cheerfully approached Jun, "Nice to meet you. It's nice to finally meet Sakurai senpai's boyfriend. Don't worry, we will keep our eyes on him to make sure he won't cheat on you."
Jun giggled, "Thank you." He liked the girl instantly and carelessly. He felt assured by her words.
"I won't cheat," Sho mocked a pout. He then gestured everyone to get out, "Now leave us alone. I want to cuddle with my handsome boyfriend."
"Hey, but they just arrived," Jun protested.
"And Masaki is just about to arrive," Nino added.
Kiko's eyes widened when she heard Aiba’s given name came out from Nino’s lips, "Ah, no, no. We just want to congratulate Sakurai senpai for his birthday, that's all. We can leave now for sure."
"Eh?! We can?!" The tall boy, Kei, asked. It looked like they planned to do something else than leaving that fast.
"Yes. Let's go, boys," Kiko bid her farewell and left the apartment in an almost visible hurry. She dragged the two boys by the wrist.
Sho pushed Satoshi, Toma, and Nino outside too and closed the door. He climbed to his bed and cuddled Jun just like he said. He planted a small kiss in Jun’s cheek.
"Hey, Sho chan," Jun whispered after pondered for a long time.
"Hm?"
"Let.. let me try it again sometime," Jun blushed to his own words.
"Eh?!" Sho couldn't hide his excitement, "But you don't have to, Jun chan."
"No. I want it."
"Well, I can't say that I object the idea, though. But, don't push yourself, okay? We still have a loooong loooooooong time to spend together," Sho stressed the ‘long’ words and Jun giggled to that.
Jun smiled and nodded. He was extremely happy. Days of him building his trust on Sho and confidence in himself has just begun.
*******
When Aiba arrived with present and excitement, Sho and Jun were already locked up in Sho's room.
Nino dragged Aiba to play some game while Satoshi and Toma do some talking in private. Aiba demanded the whole story and Nino provided it. Nino put more effort in giving details on how Jun dragged Sho to the bedroom.
Aiba felt a pang in his heart. He couldn't believe his own ears.
Jun tried to do it with Sho nii san? Really?! On his own will?!
Aiba was out of his focus and lost miserably in the game. He gave up and reached for his cellphone instead.
He typed a mail in a lightning speed. He need to let it out of his chest.
He typed everything. He typed every single details. He described how he feels and then he tapped send.
Aiba's been doing that lately. Aki chan sent him a message some months ago and the message stated that she wanted to go back to the way they used to. She said she was fine with being Aiba's dumpster. She said she's willing to hear every single one of Aiba's story about his Jun chan like she used to. She said she will be fine as long as she could communicate with Aiba. She sounded desperate and Aiba did need a place to spill his troubled heart so he did what she wanted.
Aiba felt guilty, actually. He pitied Aki chan for being so desperate. He started to think maybe he could give Aki another chance someday.
He just didn't know that Aki chan was using him to monitor Jun and Sho's relationship.
On the recipient side, Akiko smirked wide.
So he already tried to give himself to Sho, eh? Don't worry, Jun darling, I won't ruin your relationship now. I'll make sure it's truly painful when I do it.
I am really sorry that it took soooooooooooo long to update T-T
Work is killing me and I also found it hard to write this one, I rewrote it over and over again hahahaha..
Big thanks for lilisan31 for betaing and sweetrose501 for the prompt :D
Thanks for reading, and comments are highly appreciated <3
"They are.... such a happy couple, aren't they?" Nino whispered. Faintly, he heard Jun's laughter and Sho's teasing voice from the kitchen. It was Sho's 20th birthday that day. Jun and Nino came to surprise him at 12 o'clock and decided to stay the night, just like what they did to Satoshi's 20th birthday 2 months earlier.
Satoshi hugged Nino from behind with his eyes still closed, "Don't you think we are too?"
"We are too, of course," Nino answered without thinking, "but.. you know.. it's amazing how steady their relationship are. They never argue, never fight. Even with that manwhore Toma around."
Nino sighed, "Maybe Jun just trusts Nii chan too much."
There's a long pause. They listened to the happy commotion outside. It's clear that Sho was teasing Jun who was trying to prepare breakfast.
"He doesn't," suddenly Satoshi said.
"Hm?" Nino shifted his gaze to Satoshi from a bunch of paintings that were messily placed on the wall.
"He doesn't trust Sho kun that much," Satoshi finally opened his eyes, "He just... hides it well."
Nino kept his stare to Satoshi's sleepy eyes, demanding more explanation.
"Sho kun often spend the entire night on campus, right? I noticed that every time he did that, Jun would call me. He would say random things like 'Mom's home' or 'Dad's getting fat' then led the conversation towards Sho kun's condition and whereabouts. He... sometimes he doubted Sho kun's statement about his whereabouts."
Nino smirked. He loves it when Satoshi talked much, he wanted to keep him going, "Really?"
"Unn.. but the frequency is decreasing rapidly since Sho is busy assisting a small group of kouhai. Sho being surrounded by many people other than Toma seems to make him more relax," Satoshi pictured the little merry group that often come to discuss about lectures and assignments. The little group that went ‘Sakurai senpai, Sakurai senpai’ all over the place.
"Kouhai?" The subject caught Nino's attention. He turned his whole body to face Satoshi and gave the older a puzzled look.
"Yes. A girl named Kiko or something and the other 2 boys that I can't even remember the name," Satoshi pecked Nino's eyelid, "they are..... diligent students. Always talking about medicines and bones and viruses."
Nino found it a little odd, but remembering how smart his brother was, he somehow understood why the kouhai got attached over Sho. Despite the slight oddity that bothered him, he felt a strange relief, "Ah.. I see. It's a good thing then. He curved a smile, "I don't think that manwhore can stand being in that kind of conversation for long."
"Yes." Satoshi closed his eyes again, "Enough talking about another men. Come closer now, it's freezing."
Nino happily obliged and buried his face on the crook of Satoshi's neck.
Few minutes later, the doorbell rang and a familiar voice surged in. Nino's eyes fluttered open and he pushed Satoshi aside. He stood up in a rush.
"That manwhore," Nino hissed.
Satoshi reached Nino's hand, "Don't start a fight again, Kazu. It's your Nii chan's birthday."
Nino opened his mouth to argue but then he closed it again.
"Fine. But at least I want him to be under my watch," Nino stomped outside.
"Erase that frown, handsome," Satoshi followed closely from behind, "I want to brag my handsome boyfriend to the world."
The words made Nino smiled and blushed just in time he walked out the door.
*******
Jun laughed hysterically when Sho tried to smear cake on Jun's cheek. He avoided it skillfully but Sho caught him and pulled him closer.
Jun reached for napkin to wipe the cream on his face with laughter still blaring in the air, "You really shouldn't waste the cake like this, Sho chan."
Sho snatched the napkin away and leaned closer all of the sudden. In a swift movement, he licked the sweet cream off Jun's cheek. The second suddenly felt so much longer, both of their heart beats were stopped for a moment. Sho cleaned Jun’s cheek completely with a soft kiss. He giddily whispered then, "I'm not wasting it."
Jun stunned. His laughter gone. Sho inched away and observed every inch of Jun's face. Good to Sho, there was no horror there, only blush.
"You are so damn gorgeous, you know that?" Sho's voice was so soft it almost unheard.
Jun’s cheek turned totally red. His smile grew steadily ear to ear. His heart jolted all over the place. He turned his face to the birthday cake and started to slice it, "L-Let's just eat the cake now."
Sho giggled and rested his hands on Jun’s hip from behind, "You are even more gorgeous when you're shy."
The doorbell rang and Sho grunted, annoyed by the disturbance. Jun smiled and gave him a slight push towards the door, “It must be your guest, birthday boy.”
Sho reluctantly moved to open the door. Toma was there, happy and loud at congratulating Sho.
Sho’s annoyed expression vanished in no time. Sho dragged his bestfriend inside and Toma hugged the birthday boy in instant. Usually, Jun would get gloomy over the over touchy Toma, but he was in a happy state so he let the scene slide. Jun took an extra plate to serve the cake instead.
In the midst of Toma’s congratulatory exclaims, Satoshi's room opened. Nino stepped outside and followed closely by Satoshi. Nino's face was flushed red from an unknown reason to the others.
"Rise and shine, couple!" Toma released Sho and greeted Nino and Satoshi.
"Aaah~ tousled hair, blushy cheeks, shared bedroom, I totally know what's going on between you two," Toma scanned the couple's appearances. He then leaned to Satoshi and whispered naughtily in a voice that could be heard by the entire room, "How was it? Wild? Tender? But he's Sho kun's brother so I think it must be fierce and heavenly, right?"
Before Sho could change the subject and Satoshi could answer the embarrassing question, Toma already turned his head to Sho, "See, Sho kun, even your little baby brother is doing it! It's really time for you to find someone to share your bed with. Your dick might get rusty, you know."
The words sent heat to Jun's ears. That was a very sensitive subject for him. He felt a pang of pain and a slight anger in his heart. The anger was unclear whether it was intended for Toma or for himself.
Sho stole a quick glance to Jun.
Dammit, Toma. Dammit! This is why I don't tell you about my relationship. You and your careless mouth.
"No. They're not doing it. I forbid them," Sho threw a deadly glare to Toma. He racked his brain to get over with the situation fast.
Toma didn't receive the unspoken warning, "Eh? Why?! They are in a relationship, right?"
"Doesn't mean they have to do it. Relationship needs love, not sex," Sho hardened his voice. He was naïve enough to hope that Toma will stop just with a strong tone and piercing gaze.
Jun felt a little hope bloomed as Sho words streamed to his ears. It eased him a little.
It’s Sho chan that I’m dating, so it’s his words that matters. Not Toma’s.
Toma laughed, "What the hell, Sho kun? It's so unlike you to say that."
"Toma..," Sho warned. He moved to scold Toma but it was too late.
Toma spilled the next words so airily, "I even remember you once said 'it's not a relationship if there's no sex'."
Jun's little hope vanished in an instant. The chuckle decorated words felt like a razor that sliced his heart inch by inch.
"Toma!" Sho yelled. His face turned red from anger. From the corner of his eyes he could see Jun lifted his head in one fast movement, clearly astonished by Toma's words.
Jun put down his knife. His eyes were blank as he wiped his hands to his apron. He cursed himself inside. He hated himself for not being able to ignore those words.
Toma's words resonated in his head.
It's not a relationship if there's no sex.
Jun clenched his jaw and removed his apron. All done with his eyes still blank.
Sho chan…. He said that?
Jun stomped towards Sho and grabbed his hand. He dragged Sho to Sho's room and left the puzzled Toma behind the door.
Sho startled by how forceful Jun was. He couldn’t fathom what was about to happen.
"Wha-" Jun silenced Sho's question with a kiss in his lips. It was not a soft and tender kiss, it was a rough and almost mad kiss.
Sho was beyond surprised. He knew full well how physical contact freaked out his lover. When his brain finally registered the reason behind Jun's sudden aggressiveness, he relaxed his body and let Jun do anything to him without responding. He kept himself still, restraining himself from answering the kiss.
Oh, Jun, I know that moron’s words will affect you this much.
Jun could see images of his violator flashed in his head as he sneaked his tongue inside Sho's mouth sloppily. He shut his eyes tight in hope it could erase the unpleasant image.
Come on, Matsumoto Jun, this is Sakurai Sho and not that awful man. Get a hold of yourself!
Jun forced himself to keep on. He bit, he sucked. The flashback became more intense and realistic. He tried his best to fight his trauma but the tragedy was too overwhelming. His vision became blurry and his stomach churned. He finally gave up when he felt sick. He released Sho and ran to the toilet. He threw up.
Sho rubbed Jun's back to calm him down. He stood close and waited until Jun finished. He murmured assuring words to Jun’s ears.
Tears started to stream on Jun's cheek. He felt helpless. He felt like a failure. He felt unworthy.
Once Jun finished throwing up, Sho held him tight. Jun's body was shaking from the sobbing.
"Leave me, Sho chan. Leave me and find another person who can properly have a relationship with you," it was breaking him so bad to say it, but he really felt like a garbage at the moment.
Sho cupped Jun's face and made Jun to look directly to his eyes, "What the hell are you talking about?! Don't mind his words, okay? Like I said, relationship needs love and not sex. I love you and that's enough."
Right then, Sho saw a wounded boy before his eyes. A wounded, fragile, yet so stubborn boy that was way too young to be bothered about sex life. Yet, life was already so cruel to this angelic boy.
Jun stared deep at Sho's eyes.
Sho wiped the tears gently, "I love you. If it's with you, I don't mind to have no sex for the rest of my life."
Sincerity poured in every single word of Sho and it made Jun's crumbled, "I.. I'm sorry, Sho chan. I'm sorry that I.. I can't.. I ca-"
"Ssshh..," Sho interrupted Jun's words and hugged him. He stroke the shaky body so softly to calm him down, "There's no need to apologize, dear. You are perfect. Too perfect for me."
Jun couldn't hide it anymore. He spilled everything, "But you're ashamed of me, right?! You're ashamed that your boyfriend is not capable of doing mere sex. That's why you never told your friends about our relationship, right?!"
Sho's eyes widened in disbelieve, "No! No, no, no, no! Never! I have other reasons to not telling them, but it's not because I'm ashamed! I'm proud of you! Always!"
"But..," Jun was not convinced.
"No 'but'. Just forget that punk's words already. Okay? You love me, right?"
Jun kept silent. He felt not worthy for Sho. He felt like a failure.
"Answer me, Jun baby. You love me, right?"
Jun buried his face to Sho's shoulder. He pooled all his courage and confidence to finally answer, "Yes. Yes, I love you."
"Then, all is well. All is fine," Sho smiled. "You are my boyfriend and nothing could change that fact, okay?"
Jun felt warmth crept in his heart, but he couldn’t be convinced that easily, “But..”
Sho decided it was no use to argue with words. He helped Jun to stand up, “Let’s get outside first, okay?”
They stepped outside the bathroom but Jun felt extremely dizzy. Sho caught him just before he fell and carried him to the bed.
Sho did a quick check up and fetched a tube of dark liquid from Jun's bag, "Gosh, you are terrifyingly pale. We should have injected this earlier."
The dark liquid entered Jun's body in one push. Sho put aside the syringe and brushed Jun's cheek, "Now you rest, okay?"
Sho stood up and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going, Sho chan?" Jun felt ridiculously afraid of Sho leaving him. It was really ridiculous, given the fact that he told Sho to leave him just a moment ago.
"Gaining your trust back."
*******
Toma dumbfounded by all the information that Satoshi just gave him. He was already shocked that Sho dated Jun for a long time, but he almost crumbled to the floor when he heard Jun's trauma. He felt like an idiot and guilt filled his entire being. He sat at the sofa, head was low supported by his hands. Nino's demonic glare was still glued at him.
"So, to be honest, I think your words earlier might wounded Jun's feeling in an unfathomable way," Satoshi wrapped his explanation.
"Yes, it is," suddenly Sho's voice heard.
Toma lifted his face in shock. His best friend was there, looked furious but much calmer now.
Guilty roamed in him, but he was also upset that Sho didn’t even care to tell him all of that news, "My God, Sho! Why didn't you tell me earlier about you and Jun?"
"For what? So you can push him and make him uncomfortable with your words?! You always talk about sex, Toma, and it's not good for him," Sho snapped.
"I won't if I know about his trauma! I'm not a demon, Sho! I won't even bring up the subject if I know that he was-"
"He doesn't need your pity, so I never have the thought to let you know about that. I won't let you see him as a poor victim. Ever!" Sho yelled so loud. His vein was visible in his neck, “He doesn’t need any pity, he doesn’t need anyone to look down on him. I won’t let that happen.”
Jun could hear all the commotion from inside the room. He teared up. His heart ached. He was mad at himself for thinking that Sho was ashamed of him while in fact Sho was protecting him from being treated like a victim.
The doorbell rang again. Nino opened the door and was about to tell the guest to go.
"No, little brother, let them in," Sho commanded.
Nino was confused but he did what he told anyway. A group of people went in, a girl and two boys.
"Now, all of you, come with me," Sho walked to his own bedroom while dragging Toma. The others were following from behind, they had no idea what was going on but Sho’s tone told them that they’d better do whatever he said.
When they were all inside the bedroom, Sho announced in the bestest proud voice he could ever produce, "Everybody, meet Matsumoto Jun, my dearest boyfriend. He's a perfect boy that I love so much no matter what. He’s not in his prime condition now, but as you can see he’s even more gorgeous than any angel."
Jun startled and blushed. He fixed his position to a sitting one and bowed as best as he could.
"Jun chan, this is Toma, my dumb bestfriend. I believe you knew him well already," Sho pointed to Toma then to the new guests, "and they are my kouhai, Kei, Shige, and Kiko chan."
All of them bowed politely. Satoshi and Nino smiled from the background, astonished by Sho’s act. They threw approval nod and thumbs up to Sho in the end.
The only girl in the room cheerfully approached Jun, "Nice to meet you. It's nice to finally meet Sakurai senpai's boyfriend. Don't worry, we will keep our eyes on him to make sure he won't cheat on you."
Jun giggled, "Thank you." He liked the girl instantly and carelessly. He felt assured by her words.
"I won't cheat," Sho mocked a pout. He then gestured everyone to get out, "Now leave us alone. I want to cuddle with my handsome boyfriend."
"Hey, but they just arrived," Jun protested.
"And Masaki is just about to arrive," Nino added.
Kiko's eyes widened when she heard Aiba’s given name came out from Nino’s lips, "Ah, no, no. We just want to congratulate Sakurai senpai for his birthday, that's all. We can leave now for sure."
"Eh?! We can?!" The tall boy, Kei, asked. It looked like they planned to do something else than leaving that fast.
"Yes. Let's go, boys," Kiko bid her farewell and left the apartment in an almost visible hurry. She dragged the two boys by the wrist.
Sho pushed Satoshi, Toma, and Nino outside too and closed the door. He climbed to his bed and cuddled Jun just like he said. He planted a small kiss in Jun’s cheek.
"Hey, Sho chan," Jun whispered after pondered for a long time.
"Hm?"
"Let.. let me try it again sometime," Jun blushed to his own words.
"Eh?!" Sho couldn't hide his excitement, "But you don't have to, Jun chan."
"No. I want it."
"Well, I can't say that I object the idea, though. But, don't push yourself, okay? We still have a loooong loooooooong time to spend together," Sho stressed the ‘long’ words and Jun giggled to that.
Jun smiled and nodded. He was extremely happy. Days of him building his trust on Sho and confidence in himself has just begun.
*******
When Aiba arrived with present and excitement, Sho and Jun were already locked up in Sho's room.
Nino dragged Aiba to play some game while Satoshi and Toma do some talking in private. Aiba demanded the whole story and Nino provided it. Nino put more effort in giving details on how Jun dragged Sho to the bedroom.
Aiba felt a pang in his heart. He couldn't believe his own ears.
Jun tried to do it with Sho nii san? Really?! On his own will?!
Aiba was out of his focus and lost miserably in the game. He gave up and reached for his cellphone instead.
He typed a mail in a lightning speed. He need to let it out of his chest.
He typed everything. He typed every single details. He described how he feels and then he tapped send.
Aiba's been doing that lately. Aki chan sent him a message some months ago and the message stated that she wanted to go back to the way they used to. She said she was fine with being Aiba's dumpster. She said she's willing to hear every single one of Aiba's story about his Jun chan like she used to. She said she will be fine as long as she could communicate with Aiba. She sounded desperate and Aiba did need a place to spill his troubled heart so he did what she wanted.
Aiba felt guilty, actually. He pitied Aki chan for being so desperate. He started to think maybe he could give Aki another chance someday.
He just didn't know that Aki chan was using him to monitor Jun and Sho's relationship.
On the recipient side, Akiko smirked wide.
So he already tried to give himself to Sho, eh? Don't worry, Jun darling, I won't ruin your relationship now. I'll make sure it's truly painful when I do it.
I am really sorry that it took soooooooooooo long to update T-T
Work is killing me and I also found it hard to write this one, I rewrote it over and over again hahahaha..
Big thanks for lilisan31 for betaing and sweetrose501 for the prompt :D
Thanks for reading, and comments are highly appreciated <3