...when I wake up...
The nights I spend alone are long.
...not that I don't mind them, they are just longer than the others.
Time's a lot slower when I weave it myself. It is the same for any job, I suppose.
For a change, however, I am not complaining. I enjoy being alone for the most part. I don't have to feel as if I need to give anything or to entertain. There are no expectations, no way I can fail. I only answer to me.
This might be why I have so much trouble getting to sleep, because I know that when I wake up, I'll be faced with obligations...
...expectations
...wants/needs/desires of other people.
With so many people out there wanting something, I'm quite scared that I can't deliver.
All I expect out of myself is to breathe...to continue life functions.
I don't have to be anyone's clown/boyfriend/confidant/therapist/shoulder-to-lean-on/prank-monkey/savior/anything.
And some days, I just don't want to be.
My head feels like my mind if pressing against the boundaries of my skull and trying to go beyond them...trying to shatter my humanity for the sake of the frontier beyond.
Why must you always break a few eggs? ...As if it were necessary. People are just too fragile,...I'm sorry I keep dropping you.
I'm spent,
-guppy
"...So keep your head up, keep it on, just a whisper I'll be gone...Hold me closer, closer, let me go, let me be, just let me be."-STP
...not that I don't mind them, they are just longer than the others.
Time's a lot slower when I weave it myself. It is the same for any job, I suppose.
For a change, however, I am not complaining. I enjoy being alone for the most part. I don't have to feel as if I need to give anything or to entertain. There are no expectations, no way I can fail. I only answer to me.
This might be why I have so much trouble getting to sleep, because I know that when I wake up, I'll be faced with obligations...
...expectations
...wants/needs/desires of other people.
With so many people out there wanting something, I'm quite scared that I can't deliver.
All I expect out of myself is to breathe...to continue life functions.
I don't have to be anyone's clown/boyfriend/confidant/therapist/shoulder-to-lean-on/prank-monkey/savior/anything.
And some days, I just don't want to be.
My head feels like my mind if pressing against the boundaries of my skull and trying to go beyond them...trying to shatter my humanity for the sake of the frontier beyond.
Why must you always break a few eggs? ...As if it were necessary. People are just too fragile,...I'm sorry I keep dropping you.
I'm spent,
-guppy
"...So keep your head up, keep it on, just a whisper I'll be gone...Hold me closer, closer, let me go, let me be, just let me be."-STP