sleep? what? read this madness.
im not really sure what it is thats driving me to make this huge entry about religion, as a cautionary note to close minded people TURN BACK NOW!
im almost positive i havent openly discussed my religious beliefs... or lack there of, to anyone but nick and jared. the truth is, my whole life jesus christ has been shoved down my throat and recently, i threw it all back up. my father wanted me to be confirmed, so i thought, no big deal, i'll do it. the further along in this process i got, the more uneasy i became about confirming my beliefs in jesus christ. not because i thought it was all bullshit, but simply because i was confirming my father's beliefs and not my own. by the time it came to be CONFIRMED, the only reason i went, was so my dad wouldnt be dissapointed in me. and trust me, that is NOT the way to do it. this event in my life isnt what swayed my beliefs as far as creationism and evolution go, but its what sparked my thoughts on the whole ordeal.
what ended up corrupting my christian beliefs was just thinking freely. to be blunt i disowned god and christianity as a whole as i began pondering other possibilities. other ways that we may have come to existance. i skipped this whole step in my earlier life and i think way too many people do. Too many children are raised in a world where "THIS is who you will believe in and THIS is how we came into existence" too many people in this world havent even touched on other subjects, they're too afraid, too fucking close minded, and to the people who have dared to question their beliefs, i applaud you. everyone should. I AM. its a major step in solidifying your beliefs in ANYTHING, to question them, and prove to YOURSELF that it is something you want to believe.
there are so many theories on how this world was created that are just as equally plausible as some big guy in the sky snapping his fingers and creating the universe in 6 days. We very well might have come from a cosmic explosion 10-20billion years ago that hurled matter everywhere that eventually developed into the universe we now reside in.
to be honest i dont know a whole lot about the bible, i dont know a whole lot about christianity, but i know as much as any other religion in this world it is founded on FAITH. without faith you have nothing. In the same breath, after thinking about it some more, Most scientific explanations for the world require us to entrust some amount of faith.
it is my belief now that you essentially create your own future after death. If you believe that one day you will be re-incarnated as a cow, so be it. if you have sinned your whole life and havent accepted jesus christ into your heart, you will burn in hell eternally, if that is what you choose to believe. Im not sure how this is supposed to work because it is the christian belief that anyone who isnt... christian will eternally burn in hell. but if you arent christian... you dont have the same beliefs.
this is a repeated problem throughout religion, that whoever doesnt beleive what I beleive will be punished. somehow i find it hard to beleive that EVERYONE will be burning in hell.... or some form of it, together roasting marshmellows and singing campfire songs. this is what brings me back to what i was talking about earlier about Creating your own form of existence after death. it just makes the most sense to me. everyone cant be WRONG, but there is the possibility that everyone could be RIGHT. let them beleive whatever the hell they want, it just might happen.
this whole religiously conflicting method of thinking, to Me, is like a never ending game of tic-tac-toe in which the end result is unavoidably a CAT. hahaha and now that i said that im still not sure what the hell cat means but... there it is. a CAT.
"i believe in god, if you dont, you will burn in hell"
"i believe in Allah, if you dont i'll crash a plane into your house"
CAT
i could go on and on and on and on with this but im pretty sure you get the point.
now to what i DO believe....
i DO believe in some form of a higher power, whether it be, just nature itself, or a being, i havent figured that out yet. music is a huge part of what solidifies my beliefs in something un-human, a higher power, if you will.
there is something amazing about music, how it moves, how it changes, how it creates moods, represents feelings, events, emotional attachments, emotional loss, love, loss OF love, ANYTHING. sure we can create it, but what makes these sounds, these simply structured waves through space, into what we hear in songs today, or songs 100's of years ago, beethoven, schubert, mozart.
what makes these primitive collections of sounds such emotional outlets for us? what is it, that gives us goosebumps, WHAT is it that gives us knots in our stomachs, what is it that rekindles powerful memories from our past?
i have no fucking idea.
also, there are other things in life that are hard to just accept as simply natural occurances....
NATURE, #2 reason i have for believing in a higher power. theres something past the scientific reasoning to a sunset that touches a nerve deep within us all. people are too god damned consumed with a present day life of self indulgent masturbation, to actually stop and look at the things in our lives which matter most. (to some), and equally least to others. thats one of the few things i admire most about the life of a monk. aside from all of the religious aspects, they spend their whole life looking at sunrises, sunsets, wildlife, they take time to admire the complexity of trees, the bark, how everything co-exists in such a peaceful manor (excluding humans) hahaha, read jareds journal for that<
anyway, it's things like that which weigh significantly on my mind as far as religion goes. so far this is all i've figured out. If there is a god, i'll find him, or he'll find me. I am by no means blocking out any possibility at this point. thats not to say im blindly halfway into each religion, afraid to be wrong with one or the other. im not sure if my beliefs fit into any category by religion, so far athiest sounds most fitting. PLEASE comment on this if you actually read it, even if you didnt. im interested in what anyone and everyone thinks. even if its that im a fucking idiot.
let me hear it.
love,
tyler