Ginger Died

[gunthar]

I apologize to the people who I told not to come to visit today.

I hurt so much. Everything hurts so much. I didn't know it would be so much worse.

I know you want to help and comfort.

But just writing this, thinking about it, is more pain than I can bear.

Anton is looking after me for a bit.

And his cats. I sit and pets cats a lot.

Cats are good at comfort. They don't try to remind me of Ginger on purpose.

I try to forgive them when they don't do a perfect job.

I cry a lot too.

But sometimes Anton talks to me and I talk some too. Tom H was with us for lunch or dinner. They do most of the talking and I do most of the listening.

I even make a joke once in a while.

I have made 5 jokes so far and 1 Star Trek quote.

I am trying to get better.

At least good enough so that the people who care about me don't have to feel like I'm afraid of them.

I don't know how long. Thinking about the future hurst most of all.

I will try to write more later. I talked to Anton & Linda & Michael about Ginger's last 24 hours. I know I can do it. I will try to try later. I forgot about Michael--he was here before Tom, but not later. I'm kinda fuzzy on days.

Please be patien with me.

I'm going to try again sleeping tonight.

If you think that someone would like to know about whAT I wrote here, go ahead and tell them if you think that it would help them. Or copy it down somewhere else. Whatever. I'm ok with that.