The post where I return to Livejournal and depress everyone.
I think I need to start writing here more.
Things have been...overwhelming at times, maddening at other times. Being "unwell" in a way that has no symptoms is infuriating. If you have the flu, or a broken leg or any number of things, you know when you're sick but more importantly, you know when you're on the mend.
I take 2 pills, 2 times a day. I have since may 10th. Other than some small changes in what my body is doing, there is no indication of anything. I had another biopsy on monday. We got the results friday and, well, no improvement. Not worse but no improvement. No now begins the scrounging together of another 400 bucks or so and then I make a first payment so I can have real surgery. Like "general anesthesia, enjoy your thin robe where your ass hangs out" surgery. The hospital will just have to get payments as I can do them for the rest of the money they'll bill me for. Our hope is that they don't find anything else more severe during this surgery and that this is the "cure" i need. I'm starting to lose patience very quickly. Each little reminder of how "abnormal" i am in terms of how a woman's body works becomes harder and harder to overcome. In the last 8 months or so, I have had no less than a dozen friends and family either have a baby or announce a pregnancy.
Adoption is still VERY MUCH on the table but I don't feel like I can even work towards that until this is taken care of. Until we know exactly how much or how little we're dealing with.
You know how on Scooby-Doo, when Shaggy and scooby would get scared by a ghost or giant ape or whatever, and their legs move in a circle but they go no where? Thats pretty much how I feel and have felt since mid april when this all came to light.
Things have been...overwhelming at times, maddening at other times. Being "unwell" in a way that has no symptoms is infuriating. If you have the flu, or a broken leg or any number of things, you know when you're sick but more importantly, you know when you're on the mend.
I take 2 pills, 2 times a day. I have since may 10th. Other than some small changes in what my body is doing, there is no indication of anything. I had another biopsy on monday. We got the results friday and, well, no improvement. Not worse but no improvement. No now begins the scrounging together of another 400 bucks or so and then I make a first payment so I can have real surgery. Like "general anesthesia, enjoy your thin robe where your ass hangs out" surgery. The hospital will just have to get payments as I can do them for the rest of the money they'll bill me for. Our hope is that they don't find anything else more severe during this surgery and that this is the "cure" i need. I'm starting to lose patience very quickly. Each little reminder of how "abnormal" i am in terms of how a woman's body works becomes harder and harder to overcome. In the last 8 months or so, I have had no less than a dozen friends and family either have a baby or announce a pregnancy.
Adoption is still VERY MUCH on the table but I don't feel like I can even work towards that until this is taken care of. Until we know exactly how much or how little we're dealing with.
You know how on Scooby-Doo, when Shaggy and scooby would get scared by a ghost or giant ape or whatever, and their legs move in a circle but they go no where? Thats pretty much how I feel and have felt since mid april when this all came to light.