(no subject)
I've been thinking so much lately. Knowing me.. probably too much.
I've gone from a pre-med undergrad to a medical student. The difference in people's reactions to me is absolutely astounding; I had no idea. I'm told how honorable my path is and how great I must be as a person (not good for my ego btw). There is so much expected of me and I know almost nothing. Everyone I meet expects me to know so much. How am I supposed to live up to their expectations? What makes me so much wiser than the applicants who didn't get in (many of whom would make amazing physicians)? It makes me very nervous. If this is how bad it is now, how overwhelmed will I be when I actually have that MD after my name? It just seems like the average person doesn't realize that I'm only 21 and that I'm a typical 21-year old. All of their traditional assumptions are trumped by me saying I'm starting med school. Maybe I'm just too comfortable in those old assumptions. I know I can fill those roles, I'm just unsure if I can fill these new ones. Apparently a fair amount of people think I can. I have no idea why.
I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who's nervous. We'll be so trusted and given so much responsibility right from the start. I think I can do it... but there's a part of me that's really unsure. I think you'd have to be neurotic not to be at least a little uneasy. Orientation starts in a month and a week or two after that, we'll be doing dissections. The catch is, you've got a person on that table... at least we can't kill them. Maybe I'm thinking about it in the wrong way. Maybe it's not a person. I don't know.
I'll be being trained to take care of people and in some cases later on, if I make the wrong call, I'll kill someone. How's that for weight on your shoulders? You don't have to get 100% on your tests and later, your boards. One of those wrong answers could be a person's death... and trust me, everyone gets some of those questions wrong. People expect physicians to be perfect and that's just not possible. I think the point is just to be as right as often as possible.
I think this is going to be fun though. Hopefully.
I've gone from a pre-med undergrad to a medical student. The difference in people's reactions to me is absolutely astounding; I had no idea. I'm told how honorable my path is and how great I must be as a person (not good for my ego btw). There is so much expected of me and I know almost nothing. Everyone I meet expects me to know so much. How am I supposed to live up to their expectations? What makes me so much wiser than the applicants who didn't get in (many of whom would make amazing physicians)? It makes me very nervous. If this is how bad it is now, how overwhelmed will I be when I actually have that MD after my name? It just seems like the average person doesn't realize that I'm only 21 and that I'm a typical 21-year old. All of their traditional assumptions are trumped by me saying I'm starting med school. Maybe I'm just too comfortable in those old assumptions. I know I can fill those roles, I'm just unsure if I can fill these new ones. Apparently a fair amount of people think I can. I have no idea why.
I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who's nervous. We'll be so trusted and given so much responsibility right from the start. I think I can do it... but there's a part of me that's really unsure. I think you'd have to be neurotic not to be at least a little uneasy. Orientation starts in a month and a week or two after that, we'll be doing dissections. The catch is, you've got a person on that table... at least we can't kill them. Maybe I'm thinking about it in the wrong way. Maybe it's not a person. I don't know.
I'll be being trained to take care of people and in some cases later on, if I make the wrong call, I'll kill someone. How's that for weight on your shoulders? You don't have to get 100% on your tests and later, your boards. One of those wrong answers could be a person's death... and trust me, everyone gets some of those questions wrong. People expect physicians to be perfect and that's just not possible. I think the point is just to be as right as often as possible.
I think this is going to be fun though. Hopefully.