Buddha's Little Instruction Book
The closest thing I've ever had to a personal bible is a smallish book entitled, Buddha's Little Instruction Book, by Jack Kornfield. It was given to me as a gift by someone (I wish I remember whom; but it might have been Puck) probably twelve or thirteen years ago. Since then, I've kept it beside my computer at work to look at, if not daily, then certainly very often.
It's just a collection of famous quotes from Buddhist teachers throughout history. Different quotes have taken on different meaning and significance as my life evolves. I never really understood some quotes until something happened in my own life to trigger an "ah-ha!" moment, when suddenly it made sense. "Oh, I get it now."
Much of the little wisdom I may have, I attribute to this simple, small book.
I have always been very Taoist/Buddhist in my philosophy, even before I understood what Taoism and Buddhism were. I remember taking Eastern Philosophy in college with a professor who had been a Zen monk for many years. An irascible man, he enjoyed antagonizing the conservative Christians who wound up in his class by directly confronting and challenging their belief systems. The drop-out rate was high, as were the number of failures. But me... I remember feeling like I had found my philosophical home. I got it. It made so much sense. And I bonded with my crotchety professor who probably appreciated having one student who actually understood what he was talking about.
I do not consider myself to be a practicing Buddhist. But I think I've gradually fallen into a fairly Buddhist mindset. It conflicts, at times, with my Western heritage and upbringing, and sometimes that creates an internal imbalance that probably isn't the most healthy. There are things that I feel like I should desire... wealth, success, fame, adoration... But they just don't have the same attraction that they once did. I know I am supposed to use these things as measures by which to judge the success of my entire life. We're supposed to climb to the top of... whatever it is we desire... career, wealth, etc. I know that I am supposed to desire publishing my own original fiction in order to become a successful and respected writer. I know I am supposed to want to move up the ladder in my career. I know I am supposed to revel in being recognized as a Pelican in the SCA and desire to add more peerages and awards to my resume. I know I am supposed to want to be fabulously wealthy and beautiful and well-loved and envied by all who come in contact with the gloriousness that is me (said very tongue-in-cheek, of course).
Part of me has always wanted those things (even while understanding that it was unrealistic). But it was very important to me to be respected and not be viewed as a failure (more so than I would even admit to myself). I was always a good student, an A student, always on an honor roll. I was named outstanding sophomore in the college of Arts and Sciences. I was the only person in the college to graduate with honors the year I graduated, the first person to walk across the stage. Mind you, that doesn't mean I was always a success, because I wasn't. I don't want to give the impression that I am outstanding at all the things I do, because I'm not. But I always wanted to be, even if I wasn't willing to put the time and effort into something in order to be successful at it.
At this point in time, however, a much larger part of me just doesn't care anymore. I truly am happy puttering around in my garden and watching the birds in my backyard. I get a great deal of joy out of watching the snow drifting down outside my window. I need money to pay the bills and take care of Kate and my critters. I have no desire for a life of financial hardship. But money for the sake of money has never had much meaning for me. I don't handle money well (and never will) simply because it doesn't hold a priority for me. I still have a strong desire to be well-liked and respected, but primarily in regards to people whom I like, respect, and admire in return. I no longer give much of a fig about what strangers and non-close friends may or may not think about me, and that is a huge difference from where I was some years ago.
I see a lot of angst on my flist about the drive to publish and the desire to sell original fic, and there was a time when I was that person. But not so much anymore. I don't care if I sell another story. I don't care if I never sign an autograph or see my book on the shelves of a library. It's just not that important to me. Someday it may happen, but if not, no biggie. I have my creative outlet (which is important) through fanfic, and I get such a kick out of the feedback I get. I actually love the fact that no money is involved.
I would consider my life a success if I do nothing else but live peacefully for the rest of my days while successfully supporting my loving partner and maintaining a few close friends. Part of me would really like to be remembered after my death, but for being a good person and a good friend and maybe enriching other people's lives, but not because I saved the world or slayed a dragon or made it to the bestseller list.
Those aren't very high goals by most standards, and sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me that I am content with such simplicity. But then, I pull out my Buddha's Little Instruction Book like I did this morning, and I see a few quotes, and I feel better.
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.