i need to vent
my life is so confusing.
i thought everything was perfect.
i had the most amazing guy.
he moved back to srq so we could be together.
he had no money what so ever.
now im unsure on how i feel about him.
im still hung up on someone else who has just come back into my life.
i dont know what to do.
Ty and i are constantly fighting.
i feel like just ending it.
but the last thing i want to do is hurt him.
hes telling me he loves me.
im the fist girl he has been with in 3 years.
he doesnt want to get fkd over.
he asks me if i love him.
i say no.
i dont.
i dont know when i will.
i dont know if i ever will.
ive only ever truly loved once.
i miss that feeling.
i dont want to end every conversation with an argument.
i want to say i love you.
but not to ty.
he has nothing.
only me.
hes living on his ex step moms couch.
just got a job.
his van is broken.
we plan on visiting Oregon in June so he can see his family & friends.
he hopes to stay up there and move to Seattle with Caleb & Jeremy.
what do i do then?
what do i do now?
i want everything to go back to normal.
but then again i dont.
i like hanging out with Amber & Kevin on a regular basis.
everything just seems right.
right.
gahhh.
i cant talk about this to anyone.
i hate being torn.
i want this all to end.
i want to move away and start over.
but i cant.
i have to deal with my life right now.
but what do i do?
do i hope that mine and Ty's problems are just a little problem i have to deal with?
he says we are going to be fine and back to normal.
i want to agree, but i just cant say it.
ive felt this way before with Matt.
towards the end of our relationship i just said I Love You because it was habit.
but i didnt mean it.
so it ended and i was fine.
so what do i do?
end something that could turn out to be the best thing ever?
or deal with it and it may just sucks for a while?
gah i am so confused.
my heart is being torn in 2 directions.
one being towards a man who loves me and cares for me, i care for him, i really do.
the other being towards a life i once had and hope it would come back.
fuck.
i thought everything was perfect.
i had the most amazing guy.
he moved back to srq so we could be together.
he had no money what so ever.
now im unsure on how i feel about him.
im still hung up on someone else who has just come back into my life.
i dont know what to do.
Ty and i are constantly fighting.
i feel like just ending it.
but the last thing i want to do is hurt him.
hes telling me he loves me.
im the fist girl he has been with in 3 years.
he doesnt want to get fkd over.
he asks me if i love him.
i say no.
i dont.
i dont know when i will.
i dont know if i ever will.
ive only ever truly loved once.
i miss that feeling.
i dont want to end every conversation with an argument.
i want to say i love you.
but not to ty.
he has nothing.
only me.
hes living on his ex step moms couch.
just got a job.
his van is broken.
we plan on visiting Oregon in June so he can see his family & friends.
he hopes to stay up there and move to Seattle with Caleb & Jeremy.
what do i do then?
what do i do now?
i want everything to go back to normal.
but then again i dont.
i like hanging out with Amber & Kevin on a regular basis.
everything just seems right.
right.
gahhh.
i cant talk about this to anyone.
i hate being torn.
i want this all to end.
i want to move away and start over.
but i cant.
i have to deal with my life right now.
but what do i do?
do i hope that mine and Ty's problems are just a little problem i have to deal with?
he says we are going to be fine and back to normal.
i want to agree, but i just cant say it.
ive felt this way before with Matt.
towards the end of our relationship i just said I Love You because it was habit.
but i didnt mean it.
so it ended and i was fine.
so what do i do?
end something that could turn out to be the best thing ever?
or deal with it and it may just sucks for a while?
gah i am so confused.
my heart is being torn in 2 directions.
one being towards a man who loves me and cares for me, i care for him, i really do.
the other being towards a life i once had and hope it would come back.
fuck.