JEXS.O.S
This is for my friends on fanforum... The last of the Jexcripts as i promised ;)
SAWYER: [seeing Jack approach] Oh happy day, here comes Dr. Jex-machine.
JACK: Hey.
SAWYER: Hey, yourself.
JACK: I'm going back out into the jungle to talk to our cameraman friend with the beard -- see if we can make a trade. He can watch and film Jex but in return he has to give the tapes to us.
SAWYER: Ah, the old Jex-tape exchange. And you're inviting me along because you know i would give anything to watch Jex...You want a condom, huh?
JACK: I'm not inviting you; I'm inviting Kate. And I've already got a condom, but thanks for offering.
JEXS.O.S
SAWYER: [seeing Jack approach] Oh happy day, here comes Dr. Jex-machine.
JACK: Hey.
SAWYER: Hey, yourself.
JACK: I'm going back out into the jungle to talk to our cameraman friend with the beard -- see if we can make a trade. He can watch and film Jex but in return he has to give the tapes to us.
SAWYER: Ah, the old Jex-tape exchange. And you're inviting me along because you know i would give anything to watch Jex...You want a condom, huh?
JACK: I'm not inviting you; I'm inviting Kate. And I've already got a condom, but thanks for offering.
SAWYER: How the hell did you get a condom?
JACK: Does it matter?
KATE: I'll get my sexy lingerie.
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[We see Jack and Kate walking in the jungle.]
KATE: I'm flattered.
JACK: Yeah, why is that?
KATE: Because you chose me for the Jex trek instead of Sawyer.
JACK: I asked Sayid first but he passed out of excitement. And I only asked you because you are the one i JEX. I could have chose amongst the 1000 volunteers to come with me to the Jex trek. But then again, since we are together if we can make a deal, we start having Jex right away.
KATE: JEXED goods, both of us.
[Jack walks on. Kate notices a doll on the ground.]
KATE: What's that?
JACK: Kate?
KATE: It's a Jex-doll. [she reaches for it]
JACK: [running toward her] Wait, wait, no. No don't.
[Just as Jack gets there a trap springs and they get captured in a net.]
KATE: Sorry.
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P.S: I did not change the word "shoot" coz the net scene --as you all know very well-- is dirty enough... So for the sake of not getting too off PG-13, i leave it to your own imagination, you need to figure out what the secret meaning of "shoot" is
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[We see Kate and Jack strung up in the net.]
JACK: You okay?
KATE: Yeah.
JACK: Oh good, so you can Jex me? This isn't the best place for Jex tho.
KATE: No, it's not sophisticated enough. It must be one of those quickie Jex places, so hopefully noone's around here.
JACK: I talked to the Losties not to follow us. It could be a week before anyone shows up.
[Jack struggles in the net.]
KATE: What are you doing?
JACK: I'm trying to get the condom. I can't get my arm around.
KATE: [reaching around to get the condom out of Jack's waistband] Alright. Sorry. I don't wanna "shoot" you. Okay.
JACK: You got it?
KATE: Okay, ready? Got it, got it, got it.
JACK: Oh, alright. Okay, now give me the condom.
KATE: Why, what for?
JACK: I'm going to try to "shoot" it on. [Kate starts to aim] Oh, hey, hey, hey.
KATE: I'm a better "shot" than you are.
JACK: Oh, really?
KATE: Yeah, I told you. I grew up doing this. [She "shoots" and misses.] Damn!
JACK: Well, at least the Jex-worshippers know where we are. Okay, now give me a new condom.
KATE: Are you going to waste another condom?
JACK: [chuckling] We'll still have 13 more to Jex each other with. Come on.
KATE: Fine. You have a better angle than mine anyway.
JACK: Oh, that's going to be your excuse when I make the "shot"?
KATE: When you make the "shot".
[Jack aims, "shoots" and they fall to the ground.]
KATE: Nice "shot".
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[We see Kate and Jack walking in the jungle, in the pouring rain.]
JACK: What did you mean back there?
KATE: What?
JACK: In the net -- you said something about sophisticated Jex location ...
KATE: Uh, last week when the baby got sick, Claire and I went into the jungle and, uh, found the most awesome Jex place.
JACK: What?
KATE: It's a station. There's no condoms we can use; it was all cleared out, but I found some handcuffs. They had clothes inside -- all torn and dirty. And they were on hangers like costumes, you know. And there was a make-up kit, and a fake beard.
JACK: When were you going to tell me that you found teh Jex-fantasy station?
KATE: When you decided to let me come with you to find the cameraman. [Jack walks away] What, you can ask Sayid to go on a Jex trek but then when I...
[Jack stops as they come to a clearing.]
JACK: We're here.
KATE: Are you sure?
JACK: [pointing] That's where i can rip your shirt of. Right over there is where i can push you against a tree with the bag on your head. And right there is where I lay my GUN down. Hey, hey I'm back! You say you want to watch us -- you hear me? We've come to Jex! If you want to film Jex you're going to have to come out here! Come on out!
KATE: Jack!
JACK: I know you're out there! I know you can hear me!
KATE: Jack, he's not here.
JACK: I'll be right here 'til you come film a Jex-movie! I'll be right here!
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[We see Kate and Jack in the jungle sitting at a fire.]
KATE: How long are we going to wait for Jex, Jack?
JACK: Until I get my voice back. Then I'm going to yell some more till the cameraman comes to film the Jex-movie.
KATE: Maybe he can't hear you.
JACK: He can hear me.
KATE: I'm sorry we still couldn't film a Jex-movie yet.
JACK: I'm not.
[Suddenly they hear movement and see a torch coming through the jungle. Someone is running toward them with a camera on his shoulder. He falls almost at their feet and they turn him over.]
KATE: Michael.
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[We see Kate and Jack at Michael's side in the jungle.]
KATE: Michael, Michael. Why did the cameraman send him? Michael. Michael? [Jack starts walking in the direction Michael came from] Jack, where are you going?
JACK: Maybe they just let him film Jex?
KATE: Let him film Jex? He's an amateur. We cant let an amateur film our very first Jex-movie, Jack.
JACK: Okay, let's take the camera at least.
[Jack lifts the camera over his shoulder and starts carrying it back to the Jex-fantasy station.]