So I need to talk a little... Ok a lot...
This is about my parents & marriage and stuff. So for anyone who doesn't care I've cut.
My mom was telling me about their new house. There are a lot of issues that they've been having, but luckily, the house has a 1 year warranty. But this is a brand spanking new house. The water was plumbed backwards. And it leaks some into the basement. Some of the doors are weird. The phone jacks in the house don't work. Toilet paper holders and towel rods weren't installed or even purchased by the builder they were "customer's choice." Caleb said they weren't sure if the fireplace fan to blow the heat out into the room actually worked. and that's all I can remember at the moment. and this is the stuff AFTER the house was supposed to be finished. There were a lot of issues they went through before the house was finished.
So when Mom was telling me about trying to install toilet paper holders she said she couldn't figure it out so they had just bought some that just are little stands that go in the bathroom and are free standing. I asked her why Dad didn't help her. Now this is what I'm irritated about. She said Dad hadn't been home enough to do it. And when he was home, he had to get caught up on emails for work.
So they get this big new beautiful house which by Caleb's own admission it's nice because it's much bigger so there's less time they actually will have to run into one another. and he's not even there most of the time. So this is the wonderful "functional" family that everyone in the churches my family has been to holds in such high esteem?
I'm sorry. Maybe I just don't have any room to judge since I've only been married for almost 10 months, and I know things will probably be different after 23 years... But SHIT. Not having time to take a few minutes to put a fucking toilet paper holder up? I can understand my mom not wanting to interrupt him to do that though. Because hell, I've interrupted him for things before and it's not pretty!
But I learned my lesson well. I hate to interrupt anyone now. whether I need something or not. Whether they have told me I could because they just do stuff to stay busy because down time is bad. I just curl up and don't ask for help unless I'm approached or if it looks like there might be a break where I can wiggle in (but even then I hate to interrupt a well deserved break.)
I can't imagine how empty that house must feel. With only four people living in it for one and it is significantly bigger than the house in Jeff City... But especially with my father gone most of the time. And Caleb probably spends most of his time in his room and/or the basement (I don't know if they have his room actually finished in the basement yet.)
I feel kind of bad for Emmaleigh. But at the same time, some only children like it that way. Not that she's an only child, but practically. I mean the next youngest is 10 years older than her.
What will it be like in 4 years when Caleb goes away to college and Emmaleigh's only 8?
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my parents have gotten a house that my mom really liked and it's big and pretty and everything. But I can't help but think about how... big... and empty... it is. BJ is only going to be there for one more "between semesters." One more winter break. That's it. He won't be moving back with them after the Spring semester. He's getting married. Caleb just started highschool this year and he fully intends to go away for college. And since my dad's not working for one specific college anymore there's nothing to tye him to a specific college like happened for me.
Basically, I guess what I'm getting at is I really really hope that it never gets to be like that for Rob and me. That we get a big house so we don't have to be around each other or our children and he's away so much that it really doesn't matter anyway, but we have a big house to show off and show everyone how well we're doing even though our relationship isn't good at all.
And that's what I'm thinking this house is. It's something to show off to their church friends and to be big enough that when they're not showing it off to people they don't have to be around each other.
Yes, there are times that I need my alone time. and yes, I guess Rob and my apartment is pretty big for just two people, but the way I see it, we're two big people. But I want and need to be around Rob. If I go to bed before him I usually can't fall asleep easily and will come down a time or two to kiss him or see if he'll be coming up soon. the time that I had to be to Chick-fil-A really early and I went to bed but he was working on something and then ended up choosing not to come to bed after all, I cried myself to sleep.
I never want to get to the point where I'd rather he be off working somewhere else.
I never want to get to the point that I hear about other women getting to where it would drive them crazy if their husband retired or decided to have a home office.
I always want to treasure my time with my husband and enjoy his presence.
Maybe some people would see my dependance on him as being a problem. That I need to be my own person and "You don't need a man" and all that stuff. But I do. Maybe I shouldn't... Maybe I should have tried to be single longer between when Aaron and I broke up and when Rob and I got together. Maybe I bought too much into the guy who told me all those years ago that I "need a man with a backbone so that [I] don't get trampled all the time." maybe.
But, for whatever reason, that's the way I am. The only hope I have is that Rob won't resent me for it. He can continue to try to train me to be a little more independent, but I want to always need him. And I want him to always be willing to be there and help me. I don't want him to be the one to want a big house to avoid me, or a job that makes him travel a lot.
ok. I'm finished. too much rambling and circular stuff.
My mom was telling me about their new house. There are a lot of issues that they've been having, but luckily, the house has a 1 year warranty. But this is a brand spanking new house. The water was plumbed backwards. And it leaks some into the basement. Some of the doors are weird. The phone jacks in the house don't work. Toilet paper holders and towel rods weren't installed or even purchased by the builder they were "customer's choice." Caleb said they weren't sure if the fireplace fan to blow the heat out into the room actually worked. and that's all I can remember at the moment. and this is the stuff AFTER the house was supposed to be finished. There were a lot of issues they went through before the house was finished.
So when Mom was telling me about trying to install toilet paper holders she said she couldn't figure it out so they had just bought some that just are little stands that go in the bathroom and are free standing. I asked her why Dad didn't help her. Now this is what I'm irritated about. She said Dad hadn't been home enough to do it. And when he was home, he had to get caught up on emails for work.
So they get this big new beautiful house which by Caleb's own admission it's nice because it's much bigger so there's less time they actually will have to run into one another. and he's not even there most of the time. So this is the wonderful "functional" family that everyone in the churches my family has been to holds in such high esteem?
I'm sorry. Maybe I just don't have any room to judge since I've only been married for almost 10 months, and I know things will probably be different after 23 years... But SHIT. Not having time to take a few minutes to put a fucking toilet paper holder up? I can understand my mom not wanting to interrupt him to do that though. Because hell, I've interrupted him for things before and it's not pretty!
But I learned my lesson well. I hate to interrupt anyone now. whether I need something or not. Whether they have told me I could because they just do stuff to stay busy because down time is bad. I just curl up and don't ask for help unless I'm approached or if it looks like there might be a break where I can wiggle in (but even then I hate to interrupt a well deserved break.)
I can't imagine how empty that house must feel. With only four people living in it for one and it is significantly bigger than the house in Jeff City... But especially with my father gone most of the time. And Caleb probably spends most of his time in his room and/or the basement (I don't know if they have his room actually finished in the basement yet.)
I feel kind of bad for Emmaleigh. But at the same time, some only children like it that way. Not that she's an only child, but practically. I mean the next youngest is 10 years older than her.
What will it be like in 4 years when Caleb goes away to college and Emmaleigh's only 8?
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that my parents have gotten a house that my mom really liked and it's big and pretty and everything. But I can't help but think about how... big... and empty... it is. BJ is only going to be there for one more "between semesters." One more winter break. That's it. He won't be moving back with them after the Spring semester. He's getting married. Caleb just started highschool this year and he fully intends to go away for college. And since my dad's not working for one specific college anymore there's nothing to tye him to a specific college like happened for me.
Basically, I guess what I'm getting at is I really really hope that it never gets to be like that for Rob and me. That we get a big house so we don't have to be around each other or our children and he's away so much that it really doesn't matter anyway, but we have a big house to show off and show everyone how well we're doing even though our relationship isn't good at all.
And that's what I'm thinking this house is. It's something to show off to their church friends and to be big enough that when they're not showing it off to people they don't have to be around each other.
Yes, there are times that I need my alone time. and yes, I guess Rob and my apartment is pretty big for just two people, but the way I see it, we're two big people. But I want and need to be around Rob. If I go to bed before him I usually can't fall asleep easily and will come down a time or two to kiss him or see if he'll be coming up soon. the time that I had to be to Chick-fil-A really early and I went to bed but he was working on something and then ended up choosing not to come to bed after all, I cried myself to sleep.
I never want to get to the point where I'd rather he be off working somewhere else.
I never want to get to the point that I hear about other women getting to where it would drive them crazy if their husband retired or decided to have a home office.
I always want to treasure my time with my husband and enjoy his presence.
Maybe some people would see my dependance on him as being a problem. That I need to be my own person and "You don't need a man" and all that stuff. But I do. Maybe I shouldn't... Maybe I should have tried to be single longer between when Aaron and I broke up and when Rob and I got together. Maybe I bought too much into the guy who told me all those years ago that I "need a man with a backbone so that [I] don't get trampled all the time." maybe.
But, for whatever reason, that's the way I am. The only hope I have is that Rob won't resent me for it. He can continue to try to train me to be a little more independent, but I want to always need him. And I want him to always be willing to be there and help me. I don't want him to be the one to want a big house to avoid me, or a job that makes him travel a lot.
ok. I'm finished. too much rambling and circular stuff.