(no subject)
You don't get it you don't get it you don't get it.
Everything I say is inconsequential. Nothing matters.
I'm stupid and it's too hard. Nothing I say is significant. Nothing I do is worth anything.
I want to crawl out of my skin and be a different person.
I hate who I am, and I hate what I want, and I want what I was, and I want what I can't have.
Everything I think disgusts me and when I close my eyes I see things I shouldn't.
My dreams are worse. I hate that my dreams are worse. It's blood and bodies and cheating and hurt and pain. Tangible pain. I wake up and the part in the dream that hurt, hurts, for real, and it doesn't stop for a long time. It scares me so much. The worst are the ones with the same boy who keeps coming back.
I'm sick, I can't get better. I have been to so many doctors and my health is never any better. They finally just send me in the direction of someone who could help me better than they can. Fucking mono ruined me.
Everything I say is inconsequential. Nothing matters.
I'm stupid and it's too hard. Nothing I say is significant. Nothing I do is worth anything.
I want to crawl out of my skin and be a different person.
I hate who I am, and I hate what I want, and I want what I was, and I want what I can't have.
Everything I think disgusts me and when I close my eyes I see things I shouldn't.
My dreams are worse. I hate that my dreams are worse. It's blood and bodies and cheating and hurt and pain. Tangible pain. I wake up and the part in the dream that hurt, hurts, for real, and it doesn't stop for a long time. It scares me so much. The worst are the ones with the same boy who keeps coming back.
I'm sick, I can't get better. I have been to so many doctors and my health is never any better. They finally just send me in the direction of someone who could help me better than they can. Fucking mono ruined me.