as time passes i still feel like crap

[gummybr4687]

i still feel horrible i still feel lost i still feel worried i still feel like im not sure about this i still feel.....blah i miss him and its horrible having to sit here and not know what hes doing and not being able to talk to him i finally feel it i finally feel hurt and sad and scared and worried and just lost i know that hes gone now i know its not the same now i know im alone now.........i sit here and feel like a baby helpless crying for something thats not there....i talked to him online today and it was horrible i just want him to tell me hes ok he tells me they dont have a mail system there so mail is trucked in but not out there are no phones there they are at the other base which they only go there every 24 days and internet time is only like 15 min to a half hour and he spends that time looking on my space.....i hate my space he never writes me he reads my messages but never writes me and he keeps telling me that its his job but what does getting online have anything to do with it....he gets on and writes everyone else but me he has written phillip his sister this other guy friend of his and some girl that he knew in like kindergarden but me nope am i nothing i have written him everyday since he has left if not a letter then a email or a my space letter and i have recieved 1 comment 3 myspace letters and one email....people might say i should be gratefull for what i have but considering he has written all his friends his family more than once and commented on my space a buch of times on other peoples and even has time to post blgs wouldnt you think that something was up....i dont know maybe im being stupid but it hurts me it really does i feel just so lost and he told me that his job comes first.......i hate that i dont know if i can do that i dont know if im stong enough to handle this we are getting married in about 7 months and i dont know if im the right person to be with him i dont know if i can be this person im not strong enough this song that snow patrol sings just gets to me and maks me cry everytime i hear it

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

i just wish that i had that option i just wish that i had him here im mean and im bitter and i say things i dont mean but i just wish that he was here even for a minuet....to kiss me goodnight......i have not looked at the stars they lie they make you wish so hard so true for nothing absolutely nothing