lifes tough
lately ive been having a hard time. im not happy lately. and i think a big reason for it is the split from david. not only did we split in february, and i thought we'd be back together, do we barely talk anymore. he still means a lot to me and i miss him all the time. i wish there was something i could do to have him back because sometimes its unbearable and i cry to let out some pain. i know ive been like this for months now, but he was a HUGE part of my life. i was in love, thats hard to find. on another note, im trying to find a companion to help keep my mind off of david, and it's not working. chris's friend pat is cute and i want to get to know him but he's all depressed all the time. i've tried to get him to chill, maybe go out have dinner or just go to the mall or whatever but he's not for it. i dont know why he doesnt want to get to know me, i'm a nice girl, i just want to have some fun ya know. and then there was soleman, that failed because he kept making plans and not carrying through with them. and then there's this guy who's into me from pawtucket, but i dont know if i'm ready to meet a stranger again, or if i even want to. it's dangerous! chris is concerned with that one, he wants me to carry a knife with me for protection but i'm not good with that either. i want a companion definitely but maybe right now i'm not meant to have one. i have to find my happiness, my inner happiness. i'm hoping that will come along soon, maybe lose some weight, hopefully get into the radio scene thru my internship that could be happening soon. Cosi is goin alright, i find myself being annoyed at the end of my shift every time, although i am finding im feeling a little desperate there. I kinda think one of my managers is good looking, i have a great time with him and talking to him. it feels like he kinda flirts with me too, so i dunno. he just got cheated on by a girl he was with for 5 years so yeah. and we've got a new manager in training, her name is ashley. she seems to be only a few years older than me but she's so weird about our policies. i understand it would be weird according to management if me and her or me and her and a few other employees hung out, but not to me. once we walk out that door we're the same people. hell, we're the same people to begin with, she's just gonna make more money and have power over us. alice used to say things like that along those lines, saying that she wishes we could be friends but we're working...who the hell cares?!? i dunno man things are a little weird. there's so much more i can write about but i gotta get some sleep....work at 645. ima be tired if i dont go to bed now...night all!