this is one of the hardest things ive ever had to live through
i dont know how to start this...to me, being separated from the one you love is the hardest thing to do. i love david so much, my heart aches without him. i just read all the emails he has sent me and they made me so happy, i cried. his words of 'i love you with all my heart' and 'i love telling you i love you' make me cry just thinking about them. i hate not being able to say i love you to the best person in the world to me. he is my everything and i want to tell him all the time but he doesnt want to hear it all the time. i cant help the way i feel and want to tell him all the time. when we first met, it was like we were constantly on cloud nine. then he started getting stressed over things and it made me think i was the problem. then i became the problem. id get mad at him over every little stupid thing and instead of talking it out like a normal person, id turn into my father and yell at him about it and accuse him of cheating on me and everything else i could think of, when in reality none of those things ever happened. this man loves me dearly, i have emails to proove it, and i treated him like shit. he is the best thing to ever happen to me and i took him for granted. so i guess i had this coming, it is definately a wake up call. i love him so so so so so much - i would die for this man. i want to spend the rest of my life with him, living and afterlife. i want to have a child with him, a small lexi and david. when i talk to him, its the hardest thing to just say 'goodnight' with no i love you. when we're together, however, its a different story. he misses me so much and i know it - he tells me so. he told me he missed touching me the last time we were together. we cuddled a lot even though i cried because i am in so much pain without him. he knows how i feel about him and he knows that i'm in pain without him. just gotta work through this and hope things go back to the way they were. as long as i can be myself im hoping we can be together again soon. i love and miss him terribly. i never thought id have to go through this feeling ever, and its hard and i never want to go through it ever EVER again! i have learned my lesson!!!!!!!!!!!