Can I really fill the void ... ?
I have the television...I have lots of video games...
and I want to punch David Letterman.
He keeps laughing at all of his own really bad jokes.
Letterman:"How old are you ?"
Kid: "13."
Letterman: "How long you been married? ..AH HA HA HA..HE HE HE...OOOOOH, HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Yeah, that was pretty fucking hilarious. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that that one was almost as high quality as a Chuck Norris joke.
But yeah...distractions aside, I'm pretty bored. I want to be with Steve, doing Steve things, watching Steve stuff, living the Steve live. Instead I'm forced to languish over here on the other side of the world. It's just not fair ! Why must I always be forced to suffer alone?!
Steve tells me that I exaggerate, and that every little bad thing that happens to me is treated like "the end of the world..."
Uh, yeah ? SO ? My life is pretty damn devastating. This one time, I went to McDonald's and they put mayo on my sandwich ! MAYO!...Can you imagine the horror ?! I'm allergic to basically every substance on the planet, including human contact. Animals hate me. I trip and fall and hurt myself daily...My mommy is mean to me...I don't think that Sealab is funny. Or Home Movies. I can never sleep. Everyone gets on my nerves and makes me angry. I don't like Italian food. Or Mexican food. Or Chinese food. Or most other foods that weren't invented by real god-fearing Americans. That severely constricts the variability of my food intake. I dropped my cell phone in a mud puddle, and then tripped and fell face-first onto the parking lot. Children laughed at me, and homeless people spat at me. The list goes on, but for the past five years I've had to sit back and watch as all the younger men in the office get promotions instead of me just because they brought better desserts to the company picnic...(Ok, that one's not true, but you can see how it would be life-ruining, right?)
The point is, my life is so full of misery that every minor setback is just another knife in the liver. (I forgot to mention my chronic liver pains.)
As you can see, Steve's being gone,while it may seem like a 'minor setback', is actually the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my entire hellish life. Damn it ! Damn it damn it damn it damn it !!!
******UPDATE******
A few minutes after writing this anguish-filled entry, I accidentally punched the wall really hard while trying to switch the plug from ps2 to psOne. Owww!!! It hurts sooooo much.
See what I mean ? Yet another setback. Tell me that my life isn't the worst life ever. I dare you.
and I want to punch David Letterman.
He keeps laughing at all of his own really bad jokes.
Letterman:"How old are you ?"
Kid: "13."
Letterman: "How long you been married? ..AH HA HA HA..HE HE HE...OOOOOH, HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Yeah, that was pretty fucking hilarious. In fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that that one was almost as high quality as a Chuck Norris joke.
But yeah...distractions aside, I'm pretty bored. I want to be with Steve, doing Steve things, watching Steve stuff, living the Steve live. Instead I'm forced to languish over here on the other side of the world. It's just not fair ! Why must I always be forced to suffer alone?!
Steve tells me that I exaggerate, and that every little bad thing that happens to me is treated like "the end of the world..."
Uh, yeah ? SO ? My life is pretty damn devastating. This one time, I went to McDonald's and they put mayo on my sandwich ! MAYO!...Can you imagine the horror ?! I'm allergic to basically every substance on the planet, including human contact. Animals hate me. I trip and fall and hurt myself daily...My mommy is mean to me...I don't think that Sealab is funny. Or Home Movies. I can never sleep. Everyone gets on my nerves and makes me angry. I don't like Italian food. Or Mexican food. Or Chinese food. Or most other foods that weren't invented by real god-fearing Americans. That severely constricts the variability of my food intake. I dropped my cell phone in a mud puddle, and then tripped and fell face-first onto the parking lot. Children laughed at me, and homeless people spat at me. The list goes on, but for the past five years I've had to sit back and watch as all the younger men in the office get promotions instead of me just because they brought better desserts to the company picnic...(Ok, that one's not true, but you can see how it would be life-ruining, right?)
The point is, my life is so full of misery that every minor setback is just another knife in the liver. (I forgot to mention my chronic liver pains.)
As you can see, Steve's being gone,while it may seem like a 'minor setback', is actually the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my entire hellish life. Damn it ! Damn it damn it damn it damn it !!!
******UPDATE******
A few minutes after writing this anguish-filled entry, I accidentally punched the wall really hard while trying to switch the plug from ps2 to psOne. Owww!!! It hurts sooooo much.
See what I mean ? Yet another setback. Tell me that my life isn't the worst life ever. I dare you.