(no subject)
Well, there really isn't much else to do now, so I suppose I will update. I'm trying to curb my addiction to anime so no youtube tonight, plus, I have to sub tomorrow again; that means I must wake up early.
Hmm...what am I thinking...what am I thinking....It's weird. I've had all sorts of thoughts running through my head today but now that I am sitting here ready to gush it all out, nothing is coming to mind. That never used to be a problem for me, perhaps because instead of a pen in my hand I am typing on a keyboard. That might have a minute thing to do with it. Oh well, I'll just type and type and see if something comes to mind then.
Today I had a day off *miracle* so I ran some errands for my dad, ran a couple errands for me, visited Jenna in the post office and mailed some letters, cooked my dad breakfast for dinner and then went to Border's with Danielle. Oh~! I know! I got my diploma in the mail today...hurrah! and they did put Summa Cum Laude on it, which made me happy since they didn't have any special recognition for the people who graduated with honors walking across the stage. What a cheap rip-off that was at graduation. They should have at least given us a sash or something, I could have had a golden rope, but then I would have had to pay for it. I didn't work that hard through college to pay for my own graduation award, so I said "bah" and didn't get one. I can't help it that the college of education is cheap, so what can ya do? Oh well.
So that's what came in the mail today, along with a beautiful gift from my grandma's high school friend. I think it's amazing how my grandmother and she were able to keep in touch all these years. That is definitely a rare occurrence in the world.
Oh no! I am already getting tired and I haven't even hit on a lot of the important things I thought about today. Why must the days go by so fast! One thing I remember thinking about was me sitting down and trying to analyze events in my life. Sometimes I'll do this. Today I thought, why in the world do I do this?! I never end up at some solid conclusion, everything just ends up getting jumbled anyway. Then I thought, can life actually be something possible to analyze to begin with? There are still so many unexplained things, like emotions for example. Isn't it true that sometimes we have emotions we can't explain. At least for me it is. Sometimes I feel a certain way and have no idea why I am feeling the way I am. Most of the time it deals with a little sadness, but it just doesn't make sense. I haven't anything really to be sad about so why would I feel that way, so then, it really isn't total sadness, but rather something I just can't explain because I don't know. I understand that people would want to analyze things to begin with to better understand and explain them. So perhaps life can be analyzed or at least believed to be...that's what I was thinking...and then I came to the conclusion that perhaps life could be, but I'm not a person to sit around and try to analyze it. I was never good at those things anyway. So then I went "bah" and that's where my thought process left off on that matter. Did I get anything useful out of my ponderance? Maybe, maybe not...but I'm not going to sit here and try to analyze that now.
Let's see what other random thought crossed my mind today. I think I lost my writing spirit. I no longer experience my "lack of write" instead I just miss it a little: think to myself that I should sit down and write something, tell myself I need to write more, then end up not getting out a pen. I suppose I feel like if I start something I won't have the time to finish it...but how wonderful it would be to at least be able to pick up that pen again. I guess that's also a part of the reason why I decided to update here. I did jot down a short poem in pen earlier, read it, did not like how it flowed and then, set it aside. Maybe I just fear not being able to write as good as I used to. That might be it too. So that was another little random event.
Well, now tiredness is catching up to me. Again, I feel something I can't explain. It's like incompletion. I haven't even touched on the important things I should be writing about, but I guess I wouldn't do them justice with the amount of sleep I am running on. Too bad that even though today was my day off, I still couldn't sleep in. =o(
I think I want to write a book, but I don't want it to be long, otherwise I definitely won't be able to finish it. But I want it to be meaninful and contain snipits of my life, but not like a journal; something in a more finalized and polished form. It's like my life is just one of billions. In comparison to other lives it is simple and average...probably, but it's my life and to me it is my world and I don't want certain memories from this life to fade within the vastness of the whole world. No one else will remember these memories that I have, the way I have them. Nor will anyone know how much these events have affected my own world. Perhaps no one will care, but I do. I want to remember certain events the way theyhappened before they are forgotten or distorted. How am I trying to say this...I am trying to preserve my memories because they belong to a life that is very dear, with so many
treasured people and events and places. When I am gone no one will know the life of Aurora Jeffrey. My life will vanish from the face of the Earth, but if I can at least keep some of those memories alive from this life. If I can write them down (since I am not artistically skilled) then perhaps when I am gone, there will be a small record of a girl whose life was lived on this world. I kind of wish I knew at least some snipits of the lives of my great grandmothers and grandfathers because I bet they too had such cherished memories of a life they very much loved, but I don't know them, not even by name...how sad it is that such treasured lives are left lost and unknown in this world of lives. So I really must start a story/stories soon because time definitely won't wait for me. I've already lost so many memories as it is.
So that's what I am feeling right now. Time for sleep.
Hmm...what am I thinking...what am I thinking....It's weird. I've had all sorts of thoughts running through my head today but now that I am sitting here ready to gush it all out, nothing is coming to mind. That never used to be a problem for me, perhaps because instead of a pen in my hand I am typing on a keyboard. That might have a minute thing to do with it. Oh well, I'll just type and type and see if something comes to mind then.
Today I had a day off *miracle* so I ran some errands for my dad, ran a couple errands for me, visited Jenna in the post office and mailed some letters, cooked my dad breakfast for dinner and then went to Border's with Danielle. Oh~! I know! I got my diploma in the mail today...hurrah! and they did put Summa Cum Laude on it, which made me happy since they didn't have any special recognition for the people who graduated with honors walking across the stage. What a cheap rip-off that was at graduation. They should have at least given us a sash or something, I could have had a golden rope, but then I would have had to pay for it. I didn't work that hard through college to pay for my own graduation award, so I said "bah" and didn't get one. I can't help it that the college of education is cheap, so what can ya do? Oh well.
So that's what came in the mail today, along with a beautiful gift from my grandma's high school friend. I think it's amazing how my grandmother and she were able to keep in touch all these years. That is definitely a rare occurrence in the world.
Oh no! I am already getting tired and I haven't even hit on a lot of the important things I thought about today. Why must the days go by so fast! One thing I remember thinking about was me sitting down and trying to analyze events in my life. Sometimes I'll do this. Today I thought, why in the world do I do this?! I never end up at some solid conclusion, everything just ends up getting jumbled anyway. Then I thought, can life actually be something possible to analyze to begin with? There are still so many unexplained things, like emotions for example. Isn't it true that sometimes we have emotions we can't explain. At least for me it is. Sometimes I feel a certain way and have no idea why I am feeling the way I am. Most of the time it deals with a little sadness, but it just doesn't make sense. I haven't anything really to be sad about so why would I feel that way, so then, it really isn't total sadness, but rather something I just can't explain because I don't know. I understand that people would want to analyze things to begin with to better understand and explain them. So perhaps life can be analyzed or at least believed to be...that's what I was thinking...and then I came to the conclusion that perhaps life could be, but I'm not a person to sit around and try to analyze it. I was never good at those things anyway. So then I went "bah" and that's where my thought process left off on that matter. Did I get anything useful out of my ponderance? Maybe, maybe not...but I'm not going to sit here and try to analyze that now.
Let's see what other random thought crossed my mind today. I think I lost my writing spirit. I no longer experience my "lack of write" instead I just miss it a little: think to myself that I should sit down and write something, tell myself I need to write more, then end up not getting out a pen. I suppose I feel like if I start something I won't have the time to finish it...but how wonderful it would be to at least be able to pick up that pen again. I guess that's also a part of the reason why I decided to update here. I did jot down a short poem in pen earlier, read it, did not like how it flowed and then, set it aside. Maybe I just fear not being able to write as good as I used to. That might be it too. So that was another little random event.
Well, now tiredness is catching up to me. Again, I feel something I can't explain. It's like incompletion. I haven't even touched on the important things I should be writing about, but I guess I wouldn't do them justice with the amount of sleep I am running on. Too bad that even though today was my day off, I still couldn't sleep in. =o(
I think I want to write a book, but I don't want it to be long, otherwise I definitely won't be able to finish it. But I want it to be meaninful and contain snipits of my life, but not like a journal; something in a more finalized and polished form. It's like my life is just one of billions. In comparison to other lives it is simple and average...probably, but it's my life and to me it is my world and I don't want certain memories from this life to fade within the vastness of the whole world. No one else will remember these memories that I have, the way I have them. Nor will anyone know how much these events have affected my own world. Perhaps no one will care, but I do. I want to remember certain events the way theyhappened before they are forgotten or distorted. How am I trying to say this...I am trying to preserve my memories because they belong to a life that is very dear, with so many
treasured people and events and places. When I am gone no one will know the life of Aurora Jeffrey. My life will vanish from the face of the Earth, but if I can at least keep some of those memories alive from this life. If I can write them down (since I am not artistically skilled) then perhaps when I am gone, there will be a small record of a girl whose life was lived on this world. I kind of wish I knew at least some snipits of the lives of my great grandmothers and grandfathers because I bet they too had such cherished memories of a life they very much loved, but I don't know them, not even by name...how sad it is that such treasured lives are left lost and unknown in this world of lives. So I really must start a story/stories soon because time definitely won't wait for me. I've already lost so many memories as it is.
So that's what I am feeling right now. Time for sleep.