dear james
i seriously thought about doing some nice damage to myself yesterday, but then i started thinking how it wasnt worth it. if im going to be able to hurt james....the best way to do that is become strong, independent, and shit i dont know, date black people. lol about the last one, that probably wont happen unless some fine ass nigga starts talking to me. anyways. the man is impossible to get along with. it was fine at first, but as soon as he starts mentioning his little rendezvous around the town and what he does with his free time its like......ok....so your dating, your fucking a bunch of girls, and your working a decent job, but you cant give me $20 for TWO KIDS YOU HAD WITH ME.
i don't want him in their lives EVER. i dont want him calling to talk to them, i want to go into the album i saved his pictures in for HIS KIDS, and rip his face off of every surface or draw dicks in his mouth or something really childish like that. and then find his address somehow and send them to him. you know.....he expects me to send pictures of the kids to his email so he can partake in watching them grow and have a great life.......when hes absolutely no part of it. maybe so he can print them out, or just show them to his fucking friends and girlfriends that hes convinced hes the victim.
that he goes around honestly thinking that somehoiw our relationship didnt work out because "i didnt want to work and i never did anyyything for HIM and i let his family tell me what to do, and let them put me in a shelter and convince me to leave him."
YOU WERE PUNCHING ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD WHEN YOU WERE TRASHED. NOT TO MENTION THAT YOUD LEAVE ME AND THE KIDS AT HOME TO GO TO THE FUCKING BAR AROUND THE CORNER AND STAY THERE DRINKINJG FOR HOOOOOURS USING MONEY YOU DIDNT HAVE. RENT MONEY, FOOD MONEY, BABY MONEY FUCKING EVERYTHING. I SAVED UP CHANGE AND PUT IT IN A JAR LABELED JACOB, YEA, REMEMBER HIM, YOUR SON? AND YOU TOOK IT TO BUY BEER AND CIGARETTES. YOU ABUSED THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND CONVINCED ME ON A COUPLE OCCASIONS YOU WERE HONESTLY TRYING TO KILL ME. AND I REALIZE NOW HOW STUPID I WAS FOR STAYING WITH YOU. THAT YOUR RIGHT. IT WAS MY FAULT. MY FAULT IN THE SENSE THAT I WAS TOO STUPID TO FORGIVE YOU.
no one should hurt another person like that. and i strongly believe that if your capable of all that anger and animosity and bitterness, it dwells withing you. your going to be a dark fucking asshole for the rest of your life, selfish yet needy, ignorant, stubborn and more prideful then any sane person needs to be. and you will have downfalls everywhere you go. i convinced myself, taught myself to not love you, and thats how it is. you might still legally be my husband, but not in my heart. and it took that, and that alone to convince me, sleeping with someone and dating him wasnt wrong, wasnt infidelity, cause if it meant anything, my heart was broken from you and id moved on.
i hate that you have to admonish your little sex activity now, like i care who your sleeping with. and though it hurts to ask for 5 bucks and be denied even that when you havent even seen your kids in almost a year, im glad. because it makes me that much stronger against you. that it will make our kids see you for what you are, without me having to put ideas in their heads, or wait till their like 14 to figure it out on their own.
when they ask about you, ill tell them the truth according to what i believe is acceptable, your not fucking there and i havent the slightest goddamn clue where you are. thats all it will take. you love them, prove it. you think about them everyday and every night like you say you do, fucking prove it. ive tried to set something up so your could see them, even after you scared the shit out of me and i had to arrest you to feel safe in my own house. i tried. i always fucking tried. and god knows thats the stupid in me. that was always working things out and forgiving, and TRYING. for what? more hurt? i have my own damning thoughts to hurt myself. if anyones going to bruise me or break me its gonna be myself. its worth more then some guy who came floating into my life and manipulated my thoughts into making me believe you loved me.
i grew the fuck up. and i realized you were just the first, and thats why it only FELT like it meant so much. that everytime you really made me feel like you cherished me because you claimed undying love for me, i realized you were either fucked up or high on something. and no other time did you make me feel that good. you were like a stranger i lived with, passing by, that was like a fuck buddy occasionally. and when you got scared and felt alone cause you were growing older, you clung to me with your problems, and i was the only one there for you, and thats why you held on to me like a parasite.
im glad i grew over you. im glad it happened after 4 years rather then 20 or never. im glad your miserable. im glad you think about us, the people you lost, because you lost them to your own damn choice. im glad your no part in their lives, and if they grow up to be a pair of great kids, its because of me, and the fact that you WERENT there. how do you like that? your being a deadbeat dad might make them be good people. i guess thats the only thing i can credit you with, but it still doesnt say much for you does it?
send you pictures? of what? how about pictures of me with the kids and some random stranger, that i convince to make it look like im with him and that hes playing dad to your kids. nah. cause im better then you.
when we get our divorce, and oh we will and oh im not paying for it....they'll be mine. they already are mine. you dont have any part in their life and your not interested. the only thing your interested in is trying to win someone else over to the downfall that is james skow. to prove to the other people youve lied to that you have some good in you. you did once, but you let your darkness eat all that up. your fucking bipolar. youve got multiple personalities its not even a joke. if i send you anything, im going to send you things that i know will get under your skin. a bit vindictive but hey, somethings got to make me feel better when im raising the kids you abandoned and still occasionally wondering what someone gets out of making promises they dont EVER intend to keep.
go ahead and make some more to your girlfriend.
i hope her babys daddy beats your face in, and she breaks your heart.
i hope i find the most roughest, crazy, possessive in a good way, muscley tatted up guy who makes you shit your pants, and proves that i might not be perfect, but i can be loved.
and then i hope he beats your face in too.
i don't want him in their lives EVER. i dont want him calling to talk to them, i want to go into the album i saved his pictures in for HIS KIDS, and rip his face off of every surface or draw dicks in his mouth or something really childish like that. and then find his address somehow and send them to him. you know.....he expects me to send pictures of the kids to his email so he can partake in watching them grow and have a great life.......when hes absolutely no part of it. maybe so he can print them out, or just show them to his fucking friends and girlfriends that hes convinced hes the victim.
that he goes around honestly thinking that somehoiw our relationship didnt work out because "i didnt want to work and i never did anyyything for HIM and i let his family tell me what to do, and let them put me in a shelter and convince me to leave him."
YOU WERE PUNCHING ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD WHEN YOU WERE TRASHED. NOT TO MENTION THAT YOUD LEAVE ME AND THE KIDS AT HOME TO GO TO THE FUCKING BAR AROUND THE CORNER AND STAY THERE DRINKINJG FOR HOOOOOURS USING MONEY YOU DIDNT HAVE. RENT MONEY, FOOD MONEY, BABY MONEY FUCKING EVERYTHING. I SAVED UP CHANGE AND PUT IT IN A JAR LABELED JACOB, YEA, REMEMBER HIM, YOUR SON? AND YOU TOOK IT TO BUY BEER AND CIGARETTES. YOU ABUSED THE EVER LOVING SHIT OUT OF ME AND CONVINCED ME ON A COUPLE OCCASIONS YOU WERE HONESTLY TRYING TO KILL ME. AND I REALIZE NOW HOW STUPID I WAS FOR STAYING WITH YOU. THAT YOUR RIGHT. IT WAS MY FAULT. MY FAULT IN THE SENSE THAT I WAS TOO STUPID TO FORGIVE YOU.
no one should hurt another person like that. and i strongly believe that if your capable of all that anger and animosity and bitterness, it dwells withing you. your going to be a dark fucking asshole for the rest of your life, selfish yet needy, ignorant, stubborn and more prideful then any sane person needs to be. and you will have downfalls everywhere you go. i convinced myself, taught myself to not love you, and thats how it is. you might still legally be my husband, but not in my heart. and it took that, and that alone to convince me, sleeping with someone and dating him wasnt wrong, wasnt infidelity, cause if it meant anything, my heart was broken from you and id moved on.
i hate that you have to admonish your little sex activity now, like i care who your sleeping with. and though it hurts to ask for 5 bucks and be denied even that when you havent even seen your kids in almost a year, im glad. because it makes me that much stronger against you. that it will make our kids see you for what you are, without me having to put ideas in their heads, or wait till their like 14 to figure it out on their own.
when they ask about you, ill tell them the truth according to what i believe is acceptable, your not fucking there and i havent the slightest goddamn clue where you are. thats all it will take. you love them, prove it. you think about them everyday and every night like you say you do, fucking prove it. ive tried to set something up so your could see them, even after you scared the shit out of me and i had to arrest you to feel safe in my own house. i tried. i always fucking tried. and god knows thats the stupid in me. that was always working things out and forgiving, and TRYING. for what? more hurt? i have my own damning thoughts to hurt myself. if anyones going to bruise me or break me its gonna be myself. its worth more then some guy who came floating into my life and manipulated my thoughts into making me believe you loved me.
i grew the fuck up. and i realized you were just the first, and thats why it only FELT like it meant so much. that everytime you really made me feel like you cherished me because you claimed undying love for me, i realized you were either fucked up or high on something. and no other time did you make me feel that good. you were like a stranger i lived with, passing by, that was like a fuck buddy occasionally. and when you got scared and felt alone cause you were growing older, you clung to me with your problems, and i was the only one there for you, and thats why you held on to me like a parasite.
im glad i grew over you. im glad it happened after 4 years rather then 20 or never. im glad your miserable. im glad you think about us, the people you lost, because you lost them to your own damn choice. im glad your no part in their lives, and if they grow up to be a pair of great kids, its because of me, and the fact that you WERENT there. how do you like that? your being a deadbeat dad might make them be good people. i guess thats the only thing i can credit you with, but it still doesnt say much for you does it?
send you pictures? of what? how about pictures of me with the kids and some random stranger, that i convince to make it look like im with him and that hes playing dad to your kids. nah. cause im better then you.
when we get our divorce, and oh we will and oh im not paying for it....they'll be mine. they already are mine. you dont have any part in their life and your not interested. the only thing your interested in is trying to win someone else over to the downfall that is james skow. to prove to the other people youve lied to that you have some good in you. you did once, but you let your darkness eat all that up. your fucking bipolar. youve got multiple personalities its not even a joke. if i send you anything, im going to send you things that i know will get under your skin. a bit vindictive but hey, somethings got to make me feel better when im raising the kids you abandoned and still occasionally wondering what someone gets out of making promises they dont EVER intend to keep.
go ahead and make some more to your girlfriend.
i hope her babys daddy beats your face in, and she breaks your heart.
i hope i find the most roughest, crazy, possessive in a good way, muscley tatted up guy who makes you shit your pants, and proves that i might not be perfect, but i can be loved.
and then i hope he beats your face in too.