Yesterday SUCKED D:
I'm so tired.... emotionally and physically. Wah. Yesterday totally sucked D: .... at least most of the time >_> During the morning talk, we had to watch this video on... Reduce-Reuse-Recycle thing. It was some sort of thing that was supposed to make up... "aware and active" on the whole issue of garbage being left around the school campus and classrooms. The song was funny. I totally laughed my ass off. I kept thinking that sooner or later they would bring in Captain Planet or something XD Filipino was okay. We had to talk more about stupid Florante at Laura. Well... actually we talked about tayutays and stuff but it still SUCKS. WAH. Stupid story thats so emo. I don't CARE about Celia or whatever. Go rot for all I care! D:
Math was the same. Same old flambouyantly gay teacher. YAY. XD Recess... I had to run all the way to the admin with Tisha to surrender my phone. Mrs Yengco made a exit slip thing for when we leave later dismissal with our groupmates to do this project but the whole time she was going on and on about how it was not allowed to do projects outside school and blah. No offense, but we don't have the time and technology to do it at school. It would be much easier at home D: WAH.
We had double period Bio lab. We just answered a bunch of stuff then went to the lab to discuss something about the microscope. I think we have a quiz next week. I better go find my notes. 8D Grammar was fun. I like reciting in that class. Haha. XD We were analyzing topic sentences. We had to pick one out of three and explain why this was better. It's weird but all my classmates are like so still and behaved in that class. Meaning= They are terrfied. XD Lunch was pure kalokohan. We talked about the movie we are going to watch next week. WAH. HARRY POTHEAD~ 8D I will take great pleasure in slashing the movie. Beware whoever sits next to me~! >D Tisha's group is also going on the same day! YAY!!! .... But in the morning.... Boo.
Social Studies... was.... um.... strange. We had a quiz on the Austronesian Theory but the whole time, Ms Baylon was hyper. In a scary kind of way. She looked like she had too much coffee. Wah I dont WANT to know. -shudder- There was the regular assembly before clubs and towards the end, I saw Yama-chan, Chels and Lum Lum. We were supposed to go to debate together but they decided to change their second choice. They went to the math club na lang. I started getting scared but I didn't change with them although they offered. It was only try-out, I thought, nothing bad would happen.
I was SO wrong.
We all went to I-3 classroom and they divided the applicants into two groups. Seniors and Freshmen, and Sophomores and Juniors. Then each group went off with one of the club heads. We went to the library and then the individual interviews started. Because, I had signed my name first on the sophomore list -during club sign up- I was the first to face a panel of juniors comprised of the club head + Core members.
... I can't put into exact words what happened although I can HONESTLY say, my self confidence has NEVER taken such a beating. They asked me on current issues and international news. I tried to answer the best I could but they attacked that too. Whenever I said 'maybe' or 'I think' , they asked me 'WHY DON'T YOU KNOW? THIS IS DEBATE CLUB. YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE SURE' Imagine that in such a way that the person was sneering at you.
They kepty attacking. After... trying.... to speak about issues and shit, we moved on to the other questions. Like, 'What makes you the next big thing?' One thing I'd like everyone to understand is I have a MAJOR inferiority complex. The day before, I just had an emo session with my dad where I was all crying and stuff. So I was emotionally high strung. Then just moments before, they were attacking my confidence. Add that all up and what do you get? Severe BREAKDOWN. I honestly could not answer because I do not ever see myself in a positive light. Well, at least... never as someone who stands out. I'm just plain normal.
I had one whole minute but during that time... I didn't say anything. At the very end, I just said, I'm adaptable and survived the hail storm of verbal abuse... okay not really verbal abuse but painful comments. They even managed to ask me, 'Why is the club called the Forensic Guild when its a debate club?' How the HECK was I supposed to know. I tried giving an answer, something along the lines of looking beneath whatever something seems-based on my knowledge that forensics is used in investigating crimes- and one just said 'This isn't CLE class' + glare. I found out later it meant public speaking. At least Mikki was there and she was nice. I like to think she helped me then like she did the other night when she gave me advice the night before.
They sent me out and called the next one in. When I was with the other applicants, 3 other sophomores-my friends- and 2 juniors-one my former club mate in FACETS and another a nice person- I totally broke down and cried. You can't blame me for feeling like shit. Almost anyone would. My friends let me cry and I told them about it. I may not get in-not that I CARE anymore-but I wanted to make sure that what happened to me didn't happen to them. I told them what to look out for, how the panel acted etc. In return, they kept making kwento and jokes. That helped out a bit but not much.
My friend Liana was awesome. Even if we couldn't hear her, I could see her expression from where I was. She was starting to get irritated and at that moment I wished my other friend, Sofia, was there so she could rip the panel up with her sharp tongue and mind. Nikki did well too. She had the panel laughing and she's just cool. Bianca... ended up crying too but for an entirely different reason. I don't get it but I knew it had to do with the election. Let's just leave it at that. Some of the memebers of the panel did come and check up on us and stuff when they learned we cried but whatever. I wasn't about to talk to people who had caused me grief. Except Mikiki of course.
I don't remember everything about that 'try-out' Maybe because it.... fucking hurt. My mind has already start to block it. I can't even think about it without feeling like I want to cry. I know its to toughen me up but... -curses- IT HURTS DAMN IT.
After that... we went out to Serendra because my friend-and groupmate-lived there. Spending time with them cheered my up considerably. We went to Fully Booked and it was FIVE floors. I gotta go back with my parents sometime. We got some Starbucks inside and Risuko's was tasty! I want that flavor! XD We gace them fake names. Mine was Enrique, Riuko's was Charles, Tisha's was Lee and Kristine's was Crhis. On mine though, they spelled Enrique "ENRIKE" and on Kristine's "CRIS" BWAHA. The Enrique thing really got me. XD The Cris was just demented. If I can remember. We also got some Krispy Cream donuts :D YAY. <3 Then we decided to do the project. Waha. The due date was moved anyway. So it was okay we procrastinated. We managed to do the concept and play around... now we just need photos. Yay.
I talked to my dad after about the tryouts and he said that they were just bullying. I thought that they were really supposed to do that and never considered that thought. My dad said AC isn't known for its debate team anyway. Club's should be fun not something like an execution squad. I wished my dad was there. I know he would've scared the panel shitless with just a sentence. He managed to do that to my grade seven teacher. He said the way their going is all wrong. You're supposed to "nurture" potential members and not crush them. That's how it is in the states-or anywhere else in the world-daw. He said it's only in the Philippines that they make it so difficult and crap. >_>
>D Anyway, I stayed by my parents and they helped alot. My mom even let me devour alot of chocolate. She probably knew how horrible I felt. We just watched Wimbledon for the rest of the night. Williams was playing that girl who played in the final of the Roland Garros against the number one seed-Hein? Heinin? >_>
Well... I just had to get all that out of me. I swear I feel a bit better. I don't think I'll be writing anything for a while. I'm just so tired. Emotionally, Mentally and Physically. I haven't slept for more than... what... four hours? in the past few days. I need to rest. Hopefully, I won't fall asleep later at this dinner thing of my tita. It's her birthday XD
Math was the same. Same old flambouyantly gay teacher. YAY. XD Recess... I had to run all the way to the admin with Tisha to surrender my phone. Mrs Yengco made a exit slip thing for when we leave later dismissal with our groupmates to do this project but the whole time she was going on and on about how it was not allowed to do projects outside school and blah. No offense, but we don't have the time and technology to do it at school. It would be much easier at home D: WAH.
We had double period Bio lab. We just answered a bunch of stuff then went to the lab to discuss something about the microscope. I think we have a quiz next week. I better go find my notes. 8D Grammar was fun. I like reciting in that class. Haha. XD We were analyzing topic sentences. We had to pick one out of three and explain why this was better. It's weird but all my classmates are like so still and behaved in that class. Meaning= They are terrfied. XD Lunch was pure kalokohan. We talked about the movie we are going to watch next week. WAH. HARRY POTHEAD~ 8D I will take great pleasure in slashing the movie. Beware whoever sits next to me~! >D Tisha's group is also going on the same day! YAY!!! .... But in the morning.... Boo.
Social Studies... was.... um.... strange. We had a quiz on the Austronesian Theory but the whole time, Ms Baylon was hyper. In a scary kind of way. She looked like she had too much coffee. Wah I dont WANT to know. -shudder- There was the regular assembly before clubs and towards the end, I saw Yama-chan, Chels and Lum Lum. We were supposed to go to debate together but they decided to change their second choice. They went to the math club na lang. I started getting scared but I didn't change with them although they offered. It was only try-out, I thought, nothing bad would happen.
I was SO wrong.
We all went to I-3 classroom and they divided the applicants into two groups. Seniors and Freshmen, and Sophomores and Juniors. Then each group went off with one of the club heads. We went to the library and then the individual interviews started. Because, I had signed my name first on the sophomore list -during club sign up- I was the first to face a panel of juniors comprised of the club head + Core members.
... I can't put into exact words what happened although I can HONESTLY say, my self confidence has NEVER taken such a beating. They asked me on current issues and international news. I tried to answer the best I could but they attacked that too. Whenever I said 'maybe' or 'I think' , they asked me 'WHY DON'T YOU KNOW? THIS IS DEBATE CLUB. YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE SURE' Imagine that in such a way that the person was sneering at you.
They kepty attacking. After... trying.... to speak about issues and shit, we moved on to the other questions. Like, 'What makes you the next big thing?' One thing I'd like everyone to understand is I have a MAJOR inferiority complex. The day before, I just had an emo session with my dad where I was all crying and stuff. So I was emotionally high strung. Then just moments before, they were attacking my confidence. Add that all up and what do you get? Severe BREAKDOWN. I honestly could not answer because I do not ever see myself in a positive light. Well, at least... never as someone who stands out. I'm just plain normal.
I had one whole minute but during that time... I didn't say anything. At the very end, I just said, I'm adaptable and survived the hail storm of verbal abuse... okay not really verbal abuse but painful comments. They even managed to ask me, 'Why is the club called the Forensic Guild when its a debate club?' How the HECK was I supposed to know. I tried giving an answer, something along the lines of looking beneath whatever something seems-based on my knowledge that forensics is used in investigating crimes- and one just said 'This isn't CLE class' + glare. I found out later it meant public speaking. At least Mikki was there and she was nice. I like to think she helped me then like she did the other night when she gave me advice the night before.
They sent me out and called the next one in. When I was with the other applicants, 3 other sophomores-my friends- and 2 juniors-one my former club mate in FACETS and another a nice person- I totally broke down and cried. You can't blame me for feeling like shit. Almost anyone would. My friends let me cry and I told them about it. I may not get in-not that I CARE anymore-but I wanted to make sure that what happened to me didn't happen to them. I told them what to look out for, how the panel acted etc. In return, they kept making kwento and jokes. That helped out a bit but not much.
My friend Liana was awesome. Even if we couldn't hear her, I could see her expression from where I was. She was starting to get irritated and at that moment I wished my other friend, Sofia, was there so she could rip the panel up with her sharp tongue and mind. Nikki did well too. She had the panel laughing and she's just cool. Bianca... ended up crying too but for an entirely different reason. I don't get it but I knew it had to do with the election. Let's just leave it at that. Some of the memebers of the panel did come and check up on us and stuff when they learned we cried but whatever. I wasn't about to talk to people who had caused me grief. Except Mikiki of course.
I don't remember everything about that 'try-out' Maybe because it.... fucking hurt. My mind has already start to block it. I can't even think about it without feeling like I want to cry. I know its to toughen me up but... -curses- IT HURTS DAMN IT.
After that... we went out to Serendra because my friend-and groupmate-lived there. Spending time with them cheered my up considerably. We went to Fully Booked and it was FIVE floors. I gotta go back with my parents sometime. We got some Starbucks inside and Risuko's was tasty! I want that flavor! XD We gace them fake names. Mine was Enrique, Riuko's was Charles, Tisha's was Lee and Kristine's was Crhis. On mine though, they spelled Enrique "ENRIKE" and on Kristine's "CRIS" BWAHA. The Enrique thing really got me. XD The Cris was just demented. If I can remember. We also got some Krispy Cream donuts :D YAY. <3 Then we decided to do the project. Waha. The due date was moved anyway. So it was okay we procrastinated. We managed to do the concept and play around... now we just need photos. Yay.
I talked to my dad after about the tryouts and he said that they were just bullying. I thought that they were really supposed to do that and never considered that thought. My dad said AC isn't known for its debate team anyway. Club's should be fun not something like an execution squad. I wished my dad was there. I know he would've scared the panel shitless with just a sentence. He managed to do that to my grade seven teacher. He said the way their going is all wrong. You're supposed to "nurture" potential members and not crush them. That's how it is in the states-or anywhere else in the world-daw. He said it's only in the Philippines that they make it so difficult and crap. >_>
>D Anyway, I stayed by my parents and they helped alot. My mom even let me devour alot of chocolate. She probably knew how horrible I felt. We just watched Wimbledon for the rest of the night. Williams was playing that girl who played in the final of the Roland Garros against the number one seed-Hein? Heinin? >_>
Well... I just had to get all that out of me. I swear I feel a bit better. I don't think I'll be writing anything for a while. I'm just so tired. Emotionally, Mentally and Physically. I haven't slept for more than... what... four hours? in the past few days. I need to rest. Hopefully, I won't fall asleep later at this dinner thing of my tita. It's her birthday XD