The Watcher: The War at Home - Act III
ACT III
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy is clicking through the television again.
TV
(vo)
You are about to enter another
dimension, a dimension not only of sight and
sound but of mind. A journey into a
wondrous land of imagination. Next stop,
the Twilight Zone!
EXT. OLD CHURCHYARD
Spike and Xander are staring at Audrey as though
she's gone nuts.
SPIKE
Well she picked a fine time to flip.
XANDER
I don't think so Spike.
AUDREY
(voice weird)
As usual Harris, you have ignored my
warnings.
XANDER
Iggy? Is that you?
AUDREY
(exasperated sigh)
How many times have I asked you not to
call me that?
Spike looks back and forth at them very confused.
SPIKE
What's an Iggy and why is it in Audrey?
XANDER
Long story.
IGQHIRA
I was an African shaman when Xander was
in Nigeria. I have taken over Audrey's
body so she won't accidentally destroy
the world.
XANDER
That's the short version. Where's
Audrey?
IGQHIRA
She's here. Inside. Currently having
what I believe you people call a hissy
fit. Now if we're done talking about the
obvious I believe we have a situation to
take care of.
SPIKE
Huh. Well if you're so sure we're
missing the obvious, what don't you just
tell us where the big bad's hanging out
so we can pull our bacon out of the
fire?
IGQHIRA
(sniffs disdainfully)
Well vampire, where would you go to tap
into the darkest energy the planet has
ever known?
Xander and Spike look at each other and then just
shake their heads. Xander pulls out his cell and
activates the call button.
XANDER
Moose to Boris and Squirrel. Meet me at
the hellmouth. It's going down there.
INT. MAYA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM
Maya and Jordy are in bed together looking at
their cell phones.
MAYA
I guess we can't pretend that call
didn't come through?
JORDY
I don't think so.
Maya snuggles up to Jordy.
MAYA
Thank you.
Jordy kisses her gently on the top of her head.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
More Chica-Bah-Nah music.
LUCY
(clicking remote)
Oh dear God.
Dramatic music stinger is heard as there are
sounds of a martial arts fist fight.
TV
(VO)
You thought you could fight me? I killed
your father and your master. Your kung
fu is no match for mine.
SPIKE
(VO)
We're doomed.
EXT. HELLMOUTH ENTRANCE
Xander, Spike, Ighira/Audrey and Liv are looking
on at the entrance to the cave.
XANDER
Aren't we a ray of sunshine?
AUDREY
No. The demon is correct. We are doomed.
XANDER
Do I need to sing a song about an ant
and a rubber tree?
AUDREY
You think a song will destroy the forces
of evil?
LIV
So... you're not Audrey.
AUDREY
She is still here. I have merely taken
over.
LIV
Weirdest night ever.
Jordy and Maya arrive holding hands. Spike gives
them an odd look.
JORDY
Sorry we're late.
MAYA
We got held up.
Spike snorts.
MAYA
What's your problem?
AUDREY
He is snorting in derision at your lame
attempt to cover up your fornication.
Liv looks over at Maya with a look of surprise.
Maya facepalms. Jordy is looking at Ighira/Audrey
with a strange expression on his face.
JORDY
You're not Audrey. Are you?
Xander sighs.
XANDER
No. Iggy? This is Jordy and Maya. Guys?
Iggy is a shaman from Africa currently
having squatter's rights in Audrey's
body.
JORDY
Oh. Nice to meet you.
SPIKE
Excuse me? I was wondering if we can
skip the pleasantries and just skip
ahead to the part where we fight off the
big bad?
AUDREY
Be careful for what you wish for,
Vampire.
Audrey begins to head into the cave
SPIKE
What I wish is that you weren't such a
ponce.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy sits in front of the TV looking tense.
TV
(VO)
Once more unto the breach, dear friends,
once more, Or close the wall up with our
English dead! In peace there's nothing
so becomes a man As modest stillness and
humility; But when the blast of war
blows in our ears, Then imitate the
action of the tiger: Stiffen the sinews,
summon up the blood.
LUCY
Great. Blood.
INT. HELLMOUTH CAVERN
The heroes stand at the entrance, all (except
Iggy/Audrey) with a stunned expression on their
faces.
AMY
(OS)
What's the matter heroes? Cat got your
tongue?
The camera spins around to show Nuggano 30 feet
tall in the middle of the cavern. He's surrounded
by the izithunzela with Amy and Lateesha at the
front of the group.
XANDER
(to Iggy/Audrey)
I don't suppose you can still put that
genie back in the bottle?
AUDREY
It's too late for that now.
MAYA
So what do we do?
Liv pulls out the scythe from her pack and looks
at Xander with a grim expression. He nods.
XANDER
Let's go to work.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy stares blankly at the TV as the sounds of a
martial arts movie are heard.
TV
(VO - Male 1)
You have offended my family and you have
offended the Shaolin Temple.
TV
(VO - Male 2)
History belongs to the winner and I will
win. You Will share the same coffin as
your father.
The sounds of several punches and kicks being
thrown are heard.
TV
(VO - Male 1)
The coffin is for you. You killed my
father!
TV
(VO - Male 2)
He had to die somehow. At least it was
for a reason.
INT. HELLMOUTH CAVERN
The battle is ongoing. Spike and Maya are
protecting Iggy/Audrey as he/she is working on a
spell. Jordy, Liv and Xander are on the front line
and holding their own against the ongoing throng
of izithunzela pushes forward.
XANDER
Iggy? Whatever you have up your sleeve?
Now would be a good time for it!
Suddenly something whacks Xander in the head and
he goes down. He looks up to see Lateesha standing
in front of him weilding the battle axe that
killed Kennedy. She brings it down only to have it
deflected at the last moment by the scythe.
Liv stands there giving Lateesha a fierce look.
LIV
That's it Bitch.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy is staring at the clock. And then the phone
TV
(VO)
Good heavens. Are you still trying to
win? You've got an overdeveloped sense
of vengeance. It's going to get you into
trouble some day.
TV
(VO Different Voice)
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You
killed my father. Prepare to die.
TV
(VO)
Stop saying that!
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
The battle is going poorly. Xander is weakly
trying to fight off the zombies but is losing
ground with Jordy who is also taking a beating.
Liv and Lateesha are a blur but Lateesha is slowly
getting the upper hand.
Spike bashes back a izithunzela only to get tackled
by another one. Maya pulls it off him and shoves
it into another izithunzela
SPIKE
(to Iggy/Audrey)
Hurry up you git!
AUDREY
This cannot be rushed.
MAYA
Tell that to the undead horde. Maybe
they'll slow down.
Xander takes a misstep and is knocked down by a
izithunzela. LIV sees him fall and she turns toward
him.
LIV
(screaming)
Xander!
Lateesha takes the opening and begins to beat Liv
to a pulp. She beats her back and to the ground.
Liv lays on the ground and spits up some blood.
Lateesha raises her battle axe into the air and is
about to bring it down when she is suddenly
tackled by several bodies.
LIV
What the-?
A hand reaches down and lifts Liv to feet. It's
Chao-Ahn.
CHAO-AHN
Cavalry here! Hi-yo God damn Silver!
Liv looks over to the entrance to the cavern where
Dawn is standing with what appears a small army of
slayers.
DAWN
C'mon ladies. Let's show these guys how
we handle things on the Hellmouth.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Sounds of a battle are coming from the TV, with
explosions, gunfire, etc.
TV & LUCY
Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read
your book!
INT. HELLMOUTH CAVERN
The battle is now turning against the izithunzela as
the army of slayers charge in. Dawn rushes over to
Xander and helps him up.
DAWN
(to slayers)
Watch your flank!
XANDER
About time you got here!
DAWN
You know how much mojo it takes to
teleport a squad of teenage girls? Not
to mention trying to corral all the
teenage girls in order to-
From over by Iggy/Audrey there is a blinding
flash.
SPIKE
Blood hell!
DAWN
What was that?
Iggy/Audrey sits up with a grim look on his/her
face.
AUDREY
Turnabout.
Amy stumbles and looks up.
AMY
No!
The Slayers suddenly are giving expressions of WTF
as well as the izithunzela stop fighting and turn
around and begin walking toward Amy and Nuggano
and begin to attack. Nuggano starts flinging the
izithunzela around and Amy takes one look at them
and disappears in a flash of light.
XANDER
Slayers! Flank him! Flank him!
DAWN
Is it enough?
Iggy/Audrey is now standing next to them.
AUDREY
No.
Suddenly Iggy/Audrey grabs Dawn's arm slashes the
palm of her hand with a knife.
DAWN
OW! What the hell?!
AUDREY
Now, we have a chance.
IGGY/AUDREY begins to chant. The blood from the
knife arcs out in an energy band and a dimensional
rift forms behind Nuggano,
XANDER
Where does it lead to?
AUDREY
Someplace not here. We need to get him
pushed through and keep him there until
we can close the rift.
Xander watches as the Slayers and the izithunzela
fight against Nuggano who is being pushed through
the portal.
XANDER
(softly)Someone has to stay there.
Liv hears this and moves into action. Xander turns
to look at her.
XANDER
Liv! No!
Liv is moving too fast and is brandishing the
scythe. She plows through the izithunzela and the
slayers and begins to hammer Nuggano with the
scythe. Nuggano begins to scream and retreat into
the rift with Liv following him.
Xander and the crew try to run after her.
Iggy/Audrey throws up an arm and suddenly they are
all stopped in their tracks.
MAYA
What are you doing?
AUDREY
It's the only way. She's the only one
who can do it.
Liv attacks Nuggano with the scythe and forces him
back into the rift.
XANDER
Liv!
Audrey begins to chant again.
XANDER
NO! LIV! GET BACK!
Liv turns to look back and just gives Xander a
look. She's then knocked over by a flying
tentacle. She hits the ground hard, dropping the
scythe. She scrambles for the scythe only to have
her legs caught by another tentacle. She grabs
onto the ground to slow herself being pulled away,
the scythe being more and more out of reach. Liv
strains and is just about to touch the scythe with
her finger tips-
When another hand grabs the Scythe.
LATEESHA looks down at Liv and raises the scythe
above her head. Liv winces until she hears a
chopping sound and a roar of pain. She opens her
eyes to see the tentacle shorn. She looks up at
Lateesha who grabs her and pulls her to her feet.
LATEESHA
(slurred)Take. Care. Of. Him.
And with that she shoves Liv through the rift.
She lands hard on the other side as the rift
begins to close.
Xander stands frozen as he watches his old slayer
beat back Nuggano from the rift. At the last
possible second Lateesha turns and throws the
scythe through the portal which Liv catches. At
tentacle reaches through the rift trying to grasp
one more chance at freedom.
When the the rift closes the tentacle falls to the
ground. Dead.
The remaining izithunzela fall to the ground inert.
Xander slowly walks forward to where Liv is
standing and embraces her. Everyone in the group
sighs in relief.
XANDER
It's over.
A small cheer erupts from everyone.
AUDREY
No.
The cheer quickly dies.
AUDREY
No. It's not.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Lucy sits watching TV
TV (VO)
The food saver 5000 uses the power of a
commericial quality vacuum to seal in
freshness!
Lucy hears a noise from the hall.
LUCY
Liv! Xander!
She rushes to the hallway to find-
AMY
Not quite.
END ACT III
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy is clicking through the television again.
TV
(vo)
You are about to enter another
dimension, a dimension not only of sight and
sound but of mind. A journey into a
wondrous land of imagination. Next stop,
the Twilight Zone!
EXT. OLD CHURCHYARD
Spike and Xander are staring at Audrey as though
she's gone nuts.
SPIKE
Well she picked a fine time to flip.
XANDER
I don't think so Spike.
AUDREY
(voice weird)
As usual Harris, you have ignored my
warnings.
XANDER
Iggy? Is that you?
AUDREY
(exasperated sigh)
How many times have I asked you not to
call me that?
Spike looks back and forth at them very confused.
SPIKE
What's an Iggy and why is it in Audrey?
XANDER
Long story.
IGQHIRA
I was an African shaman when Xander was
in Nigeria. I have taken over Audrey's
body so she won't accidentally destroy
the world.
XANDER
That's the short version. Where's
Audrey?
IGQHIRA
She's here. Inside. Currently having
what I believe you people call a hissy
fit. Now if we're done talking about the
obvious I believe we have a situation to
take care of.
SPIKE
Huh. Well if you're so sure we're
missing the obvious, what don't you just
tell us where the big bad's hanging out
so we can pull our bacon out of the
fire?
IGQHIRA
(sniffs disdainfully)
Well vampire, where would you go to tap
into the darkest energy the planet has
ever known?
Xander and Spike look at each other and then just
shake their heads. Xander pulls out his cell and
activates the call button.
XANDER
Moose to Boris and Squirrel. Meet me at
the hellmouth. It's going down there.
INT. MAYA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM
Maya and Jordy are in bed together looking at
their cell phones.
MAYA
I guess we can't pretend that call
didn't come through?
JORDY
I don't think so.
Maya snuggles up to Jordy.
MAYA
Thank you.
Jordy kisses her gently on the top of her head.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
More Chica-Bah-Nah music.
LUCY
(clicking remote)
Oh dear God.
Dramatic music stinger is heard as there are
sounds of a martial arts fist fight.
TV
(VO)
You thought you could fight me? I killed
your father and your master. Your kung
fu is no match for mine.
SPIKE
(VO)
We're doomed.
EXT. HELLMOUTH ENTRANCE
Xander, Spike, Ighira/Audrey and Liv are looking
on at the entrance to the cave.
XANDER
Aren't we a ray of sunshine?
AUDREY
No. The demon is correct. We are doomed.
XANDER
Do I need to sing a song about an ant
and a rubber tree?
AUDREY
You think a song will destroy the forces
of evil?
LIV
So... you're not Audrey.
AUDREY
She is still here. I have merely taken
over.
LIV
Weirdest night ever.
Jordy and Maya arrive holding hands. Spike gives
them an odd look.
JORDY
Sorry we're late.
MAYA
We got held up.
Spike snorts.
MAYA
What's your problem?
AUDREY
He is snorting in derision at your lame
attempt to cover up your fornication.
Liv looks over at Maya with a look of surprise.
Maya facepalms. Jordy is looking at Ighira/Audrey
with a strange expression on his face.
JORDY
You're not Audrey. Are you?
Xander sighs.
XANDER
No. Iggy? This is Jordy and Maya. Guys?
Iggy is a shaman from Africa currently
having squatter's rights in Audrey's
body.
JORDY
Oh. Nice to meet you.
SPIKE
Excuse me? I was wondering if we can
skip the pleasantries and just skip
ahead to the part where we fight off the
big bad?
AUDREY
Be careful for what you wish for,
Vampire.
Audrey begins to head into the cave
SPIKE
What I wish is that you weren't such a
ponce.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy sits in front of the TV looking tense.
TV
(VO)
Once more unto the breach, dear friends,
once more, Or close the wall up with our
English dead! In peace there's nothing
so becomes a man As modest stillness and
humility; But when the blast of war
blows in our ears, Then imitate the
action of the tiger: Stiffen the sinews,
summon up the blood.
LUCY
Great. Blood.
INT. HELLMOUTH CAVERN
The heroes stand at the entrance, all (except
Iggy/Audrey) with a stunned expression on their
faces.
AMY
(OS)
What's the matter heroes? Cat got your
tongue?
The camera spins around to show Nuggano 30 feet
tall in the middle of the cavern. He's surrounded
by the izithunzela with Amy and Lateesha at the
front of the group.
XANDER
(to Iggy/Audrey)
I don't suppose you can still put that
genie back in the bottle?
AUDREY
It's too late for that now.
MAYA
So what do we do?
Liv pulls out the scythe from her pack and looks
at Xander with a grim expression. He nods.
XANDER
Let's go to work.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy stares blankly at the TV as the sounds of a
martial arts movie are heard.
TV
(VO - Male 1)
You have offended my family and you have
offended the Shaolin Temple.
TV
(VO - Male 2)
History belongs to the winner and I will
win. You Will share the same coffin as
your father.
The sounds of several punches and kicks being
thrown are heard.
TV
(VO - Male 1)
The coffin is for you. You killed my
father!
TV
(VO - Male 2)
He had to die somehow. At least it was
for a reason.
INT. HELLMOUTH CAVERN
The battle is ongoing. Spike and Maya are
protecting Iggy/Audrey as he/she is working on a
spell. Jordy, Liv and Xander are on the front line
and holding their own against the ongoing throng
of izithunzela pushes forward.
XANDER
Iggy? Whatever you have up your sleeve?
Now would be a good time for it!
Suddenly something whacks Xander in the head and
he goes down. He looks up to see Lateesha standing
in front of him weilding the battle axe that
killed Kennedy. She brings it down only to have it
deflected at the last moment by the scythe.
Liv stands there giving Lateesha a fierce look.
LIV
That's it Bitch.
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
Lucy is staring at the clock. And then the phone
TV
(VO)
Good heavens. Are you still trying to
win? You've got an overdeveloped sense
of vengeance. It's going to get you into
trouble some day.
TV
(VO Different Voice)
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You
killed my father. Prepare to die.
TV
(VO)
Stop saying that!
INT. FONTAINE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
The battle is going poorly. Xander is weakly
trying to fight off the zombies but is losing
ground with Jordy who is also taking a beating.
Liv and Lateesha are a blur but Lateesha is slowly
getting the upper hand.
Spike bashes back a izithunzela only to get tackled
by another one. Maya pulls it off him and shoves
it into another izithunzela
SPIKE
(to Iggy/Audrey)
Hurry up you git!
AUDREY
This cannot be rushed.
MAYA
Tell that to the undead horde. Maybe
they'll slow down.
Xander takes a misstep and is knocked down by a
izithunzela. LIV sees him fall and she turns toward
him.
LIV
(screaming)
Xander!
Lateesha takes the opening and begins to beat Liv
to a pulp. She beats her back and to the ground.
Liv lays on the ground and spits up some blood.
Lateesha raises her battle axe into the air and is
about to bring it down when she is suddenly
tackled by several bodies.
LIV
What the-?
A hand reaches down and lifts Liv to feet. It's
Chao-Ahn.
CHAO-AHN
Cavalry here! Hi-yo God damn Silver!
Liv looks over to the entrance to the cavern where
Dawn is standing with what appears a small army of
slayers.
DAWN
C'mon ladies. Let's show these guys how
we handle things on the Hellmouth.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Sounds of a battle are coming from the TV, with
explosions, gunfire, etc.
TV & LUCY
Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read
your book!
INT. HELLMOUTH CAVERN
The battle is now turning against the izithunzela as
the army of slayers charge in. Dawn rushes over to
Xander and helps him up.
DAWN
(to slayers)
Watch your flank!
XANDER
About time you got here!
DAWN
You know how much mojo it takes to
teleport a squad of teenage girls? Not
to mention trying to corral all the
teenage girls in order to-
From over by Iggy/Audrey there is a blinding
flash.
SPIKE
Blood hell!
DAWN
What was that?
Iggy/Audrey sits up with a grim look on his/her
face.
AUDREY
Turnabout.
Amy stumbles and looks up.
AMY
No!
The Slayers suddenly are giving expressions of WTF
as well as the izithunzela stop fighting and turn
around and begin walking toward Amy and Nuggano
and begin to attack. Nuggano starts flinging the
izithunzela around and Amy takes one look at them
and disappears in a flash of light.
XANDER
Slayers! Flank him! Flank him!
DAWN
Is it enough?
Iggy/Audrey is now standing next to them.
AUDREY
No.
Suddenly Iggy/Audrey grabs Dawn's arm slashes the
palm of her hand with a knife.
DAWN
OW! What the hell?!
AUDREY
Now, we have a chance.
IGGY/AUDREY begins to chant. The blood from the
knife arcs out in an energy band and a dimensional
rift forms behind Nuggano,
XANDER
Where does it lead to?
AUDREY
Someplace not here. We need to get him
pushed through and keep him there until
we can close the rift.
Xander watches as the Slayers and the izithunzela
fight against Nuggano who is being pushed through
the portal.
XANDER
(softly)Someone has to stay there.
Liv hears this and moves into action. Xander turns
to look at her.
XANDER
Liv! No!
Liv is moving too fast and is brandishing the
scythe. She plows through the izithunzela and the
slayers and begins to hammer Nuggano with the
scythe. Nuggano begins to scream and retreat into
the rift with Liv following him.
Xander and the crew try to run after her.
Iggy/Audrey throws up an arm and suddenly they are
all stopped in their tracks.
MAYA
What are you doing?
AUDREY
It's the only way. She's the only one
who can do it.
Liv attacks Nuggano with the scythe and forces him
back into the rift.
XANDER
Liv!
Audrey begins to chant again.
XANDER
NO! LIV! GET BACK!
Liv turns to look back and just gives Xander a
look. She's then knocked over by a flying
tentacle. She hits the ground hard, dropping the
scythe. She scrambles for the scythe only to have
her legs caught by another tentacle. She grabs
onto the ground to slow herself being pulled away,
the scythe being more and more out of reach. Liv
strains and is just about to touch the scythe with
her finger tips-
When another hand grabs the Scythe.
LATEESHA looks down at Liv and raises the scythe
above her head. Liv winces until she hears a
chopping sound and a roar of pain. She opens her
eyes to see the tentacle shorn. She looks up at
Lateesha who grabs her and pulls her to her feet.
LATEESHA
(slurred)Take. Care. Of. Him.
And with that she shoves Liv through the rift.
She lands hard on the other side as the rift
begins to close.
Xander stands frozen as he watches his old slayer
beat back Nuggano from the rift. At the last
possible second Lateesha turns and throws the
scythe through the portal which Liv catches. At
tentacle reaches through the rift trying to grasp
one more chance at freedom.
When the the rift closes the tentacle falls to the
ground. Dead.
The remaining izithunzela fall to the ground inert.
Xander slowly walks forward to where Liv is
standing and embraces her. Everyone in the group
sighs in relief.
XANDER
It's over.
A small cheer erupts from everyone.
AUDREY
No.
The cheer quickly dies.
AUDREY
No. It's not.
INT. FONTAINE LIVING ROOM
Lucy sits watching TV
TV (VO)
The food saver 5000 uses the power of a
commericial quality vacuum to seal in
freshness!
Lucy hears a noise from the hall.
LUCY
Liv! Xander!
She rushes to the hallway to find-
AMY
Not quite.
END ACT III