breakage
(I) how staggering is this realization?/ "I looked at your face & it fell apart. When
you look at me do I fall apart? A penny/thought would fill a bank." ~ JEROMES DREAM.
They can't find anything wrong with me. Nobody was especially surprised.
(II) I don't have silver or crystal wings to nail to a bed, I'm not the transcendent or even a fucking Spartan, naked, a psychotic war prisoner partitioning barley and beans into half-cups. I looked at myself & it was like seeing myself for the first time, an x-ray. I couldn't go to school. There were moments when I didn't know if I could go to school again. (III) I returned from home & threw bags and went out with a friend for fish and chips and desserts and alcohol. I didn't even clean my room. I always clean my room. I couldn't stand to do it, though, because a spotless room reminds me of my life the way it was. (IV) & now the tulips break in. & I want to dump this fairy coat and these fascist shoes and these excerpts from my memory. (I've been seeing people I have known and loved everywhere, though, but it's never really them).
you look at me do I fall apart? A penny/thought would fill a bank." ~ JEROMES DREAM.
They can't find anything wrong with me. Nobody was especially surprised.
(II) I don't have silver or crystal wings to nail to a bed, I'm not the transcendent or even a fucking Spartan, naked, a psychotic war prisoner partitioning barley and beans into half-cups. I looked at myself & it was like seeing myself for the first time, an x-ray. I couldn't go to school. There were moments when I didn't know if I could go to school again. (III) I returned from home & threw bags and went out with a friend for fish and chips and desserts and alcohol. I didn't even clean my room. I always clean my room. I couldn't stand to do it, though, because a spotless room reminds me of my life the way it was. (IV) & now the tulips break in. & I want to dump this fairy coat and these fascist shoes and these excerpts from my memory. (I've been seeing people I have known and loved everywhere, though, but it's never really them).