(no subject)
So. Today I have come to the conclusion that I mean absolutely nothing to someone that I love immensely and infinitely and whom I thought loved me just the same. I was wrong. I am just another one in a line of many, just another someone-or-another who needs "help." So you put on a fake smile and a lot of affection and make it seem like it's worth something. As though you're making me feel better about myself. I don't need that. I thought it was real. That's what I needed. Something real.
I'm worth nothing to you. And you will never know just how much this hurts.
But for now I'm going to have to let go of that.
Even though...I want to cry and I know I can't let go of it subconciously.
Whatever. School is lies and hell. Everyone else is lies and hell.
Life hurts. A lot.
I can't be what everyone wants me to be. You told me that. You told me to take care of myself for once. I started doing that and suddenly I'm "selfish." And suddenly all of that affection goes out the window. Like I don't need you anymore so you don't have to talk to me ever again. What the fuck. That hurts. I'm hurt. I'm going to shut up now. And go kill something.
I'm worth nothing to you. And you will never know just how much this hurts.
But for now I'm going to have to let go of that.
Even though...I want to cry and I know I can't let go of it subconciously.
Whatever. School is lies and hell. Everyone else is lies and hell.
Life hurts. A lot.
I can't be what everyone wants me to be. You told me that. You told me to take care of myself for once. I started doing that and suddenly I'm "selfish." And suddenly all of that affection goes out the window. Like I don't need you anymore so you don't have to talk to me ever again. What the fuck. That hurts. I'm hurt. I'm going to shut up now. And go kill something.