The Goat’s Take
This Week's Topic:
O-31
A little Goat note: while shredding/burning some incriminating evidence, the Goat here stumbled across this little ditty, which was written in the back of one of my school notebooks. It was written back in the third year of two thousand, and I have reason to believe it was never officially posted, and if it was, it was in portions, which showed up on the uJournal as individual dumb-ass quips. But, since the old journal has been destroyed, it pretty much gives me the green flag to post it since no one will a) remember, b) complain, or c) care. Also, I'm posting it anyway, because the views presented herein still apply.
Update: 11-10-05: Damn, it seems like I lost it again.
Update: 01-06-06: Looks like I found it. It was buried in a pile of dead preschoolers. Too bad I have to wait about nine months to post it. Halloween in January? Sheesh, that's unheard of. Hopefully the databases of Goat Manor won't be attacked by magnet monsters in the meantime.
Before I somehow lose it again, I'll type it up for your enjoyment. However, everyone is probably better off if it had vanished forever in the first place.
Update: 11-04-06: Whoops, looks like the Goat almost forgot to post it after all that fuss. Welp, after all that build up (a buildup that took a whole year for my lazy ass to get up on the Internet, and will take you thirty seconds to read), prepare to be horribly disappointed, sucker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Goat here is scared for the future of Halloween. Don't get me wrong; I think Halloween is the absolute shit. When else can I dress up like a transvestite ninja prostitute without ever having the cops called on my ass or getting the shit beat out of my ass by some strong biker-type person? Unless there is a National Transvestite Ninja Prostitute Day that I am not aware of, I can only do that kind of shit on Halloween. You see, I am in a state of severe distress, because it seems like nowadays Halloween wouldn't be that fun if you were a little kid. Everything is so withdrawn and safe.
Back in the day, it seemed like we tore through the neighborhood from sundown until damn near after midnight. We would get loot from everywhere imaginable until our pillowcases were bulging at the stitches. At that point, most people would use said pillowcase as a bludgeoning tool in order to get even more candy from the younger, weaker breed of Trick-or-Treater.
But no, now kids have to fit their costumes over winter coats, and then wrap it up with reflecting tape just before getting into their giant rape-and-murder proof hamster ball. So when they come to your door, you have no idea of what the fuck the kid is supposed to be. "Oh wow. Aren't you a cute little, er...fat reflective spaceman with a weak immune system." Either that, or you would see eight of the same damn costumes right in a row, depending on the current fad (My being a ninja turtle three years in a row with all the other ninja turtle three-peats doesn't count, because Ninja Turtles are the shit. If you just shook your head with pity at that last comment, I will shoot you in the face...I swear to God I will). Also, it seems that the costumes for little kids aren't nearly as scary as they used to be. Most costumes now are cuter than a rainbow-colored fart straight from Shirley Temple's asshole. I'm sick of that shit. What ever happened to costumes of stab-wound victims, disemboweled monsters, or half-rotten zombies?
But what does it matter? All this business on Halloween goes on for only about an hour, because there are apparently curfews now for going door-to-door begging strangers for candy treats. What's that all about?
No more bobbing for apples, because parents don't want their kids biting into a razorblade, or catching a VD. No more dressing like a priest when kids come to the door. And now you can't even scare kids when you open the door...as it turns out, every little kid is a pansy nowadays. When the Goat was terrorizing the streets, the neighbors would dress up like scary ghosts and mummies, all while dropping corpses hung by nooses out of the trees directly in front of me. Yeah, I would piss my pants from be scared so bad, but I loved that shit. Somebody jumping out of a nearby bush and showing me his dangling and ghastly intestine was all in Halloween fun.
But wait...Reflecting back on all that shit, I now realize that I witnessed a Klan rally and a flasher. Yo damn, Halloween is fucked up. Perhaps you really should refrain from bobbing for herpes and keep your kids in their rape-proof bubbles after all.
--The Goat
O-31
A little Goat note: while shredding/burning some incriminating evidence, the Goat here stumbled across this little ditty, which was written in the back of one of my school notebooks. It was written back in the third year of two thousand, and I have reason to believe it was never officially posted, and if it was, it was in portions, which showed up on the uJournal as individual dumb-ass quips. But, since the old journal has been destroyed, it pretty much gives me the green flag to post it since no one will a) remember, b) complain, or c) care. Also, I'm posting it anyway, because the views presented herein still apply.
Update: 11-10-05: Damn, it seems like I lost it again.
Update: 01-06-06: Looks like I found it. It was buried in a pile of dead preschoolers. Too bad I have to wait about nine months to post it. Halloween in January? Sheesh, that's unheard of. Hopefully the databases of Goat Manor won't be attacked by magnet monsters in the meantime.
Before I somehow lose it again, I'll type it up for your enjoyment. However, everyone is probably better off if it had vanished forever in the first place.
Update: 11-04-06: Whoops, looks like the Goat almost forgot to post it after all that fuss. Welp, after all that build up (a buildup that took a whole year for my lazy ass to get up on the Internet, and will take you thirty seconds to read), prepare to be horribly disappointed, sucker.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Goat here is scared for the future of Halloween. Don't get me wrong; I think Halloween is the absolute shit. When else can I dress up like a transvestite ninja prostitute without ever having the cops called on my ass or getting the shit beat out of my ass by some strong biker-type person? Unless there is a National Transvestite Ninja Prostitute Day that I am not aware of, I can only do that kind of shit on Halloween. You see, I am in a state of severe distress, because it seems like nowadays Halloween wouldn't be that fun if you were a little kid. Everything is so withdrawn and safe.
Back in the day, it seemed like we tore through the neighborhood from sundown until damn near after midnight. We would get loot from everywhere imaginable until our pillowcases were bulging at the stitches. At that point, most people would use said pillowcase as a bludgeoning tool in order to get even more candy from the younger, weaker breed of Trick-or-Treater.
But no, now kids have to fit their costumes over winter coats, and then wrap it up with reflecting tape just before getting into their giant rape-and-murder proof hamster ball. So when they come to your door, you have no idea of what the fuck the kid is supposed to be. "Oh wow. Aren't you a cute little, er...fat reflective spaceman with a weak immune system." Either that, or you would see eight of the same damn costumes right in a row, depending on the current fad (My being a ninja turtle three years in a row with all the other ninja turtle three-peats doesn't count, because Ninja Turtles are the shit. If you just shook your head with pity at that last comment, I will shoot you in the face...I swear to God I will). Also, it seems that the costumes for little kids aren't nearly as scary as they used to be. Most costumes now are cuter than a rainbow-colored fart straight from Shirley Temple's asshole. I'm sick of that shit. What ever happened to costumes of stab-wound victims, disemboweled monsters, or half-rotten zombies?
But what does it matter? All this business on Halloween goes on for only about an hour, because there are apparently curfews now for going door-to-door begging strangers for candy treats. What's that all about?
No more bobbing for apples, because parents don't want their kids biting into a razorblade, or catching a VD. No more dressing like a priest when kids come to the door. And now you can't even scare kids when you open the door...as it turns out, every little kid is a pansy nowadays. When the Goat was terrorizing the streets, the neighbors would dress up like scary ghosts and mummies, all while dropping corpses hung by nooses out of the trees directly in front of me. Yeah, I would piss my pants from be scared so bad, but I loved that shit. Somebody jumping out of a nearby bush and showing me his dangling and ghastly intestine was all in Halloween fun.
But wait...Reflecting back on all that shit, I now realize that I witnessed a Klan rally and a flasher. Yo damn, Halloween is fucked up. Perhaps you really should refrain from bobbing for herpes and keep your kids in their rape-proof bubbles after all.
--The Goat