(no subject)
so lets see, in the past month, ive done things im not proud of. ive taken refuge in things i once shunned away. ive, for one reason or another, left town without telling a soul where i was going or if i was coming back. ive questioned everything about myself. who i was, who i am, who i want to be, what i want to do, is it really worth all this, that type of thing. ive pissed off alot of people. ive watched myself reach an all time low. ive had numerous failures.
now, in the past week:
ive done things im not proud of. 4 nights of the 7, i used substances to put me into a comatose state. ive woken up the following mornings thinking the following: what happened last night? what did i do this time? well, that one didnt work, maybe tomorrow night, things of that nature. ive sat high on my castle (the hill) at 3 o'clock in the morning wondering what was next in life. ive pissed more people off. i found happiness again and lost it within 4 hours.
and now, as im about to do something that ive wanted to do for a long time, i wonder "what more will i do? how much more will i say is ok? at what point do i draw the line? and god, i hope im ok in the morning."
now, in the past week:
ive done things im not proud of. 4 nights of the 7, i used substances to put me into a comatose state. ive woken up the following mornings thinking the following: what happened last night? what did i do this time? well, that one didnt work, maybe tomorrow night, things of that nature. ive sat high on my castle (the hill) at 3 o'clock in the morning wondering what was next in life. ive pissed more people off. i found happiness again and lost it within 4 hours.
and now, as im about to do something that ive wanted to do for a long time, i wonder "what more will i do? how much more will i say is ok? at what point do i draw the line? and god, i hope im ok in the morning."