(no subject)
I'm in so much pain. Every heartbeat...every throb...it hurts. I can feel it inside me. The pain, bumping in and out, the pain is incredible. I dream...I dream how much longer I can last. How much longer I can live this pathetic life before insanity consumes me. I wonder what kind of person I'll become...when I go insane. I've kept it all inside for such a long time, all this pain, like in a bottle. I haven't released any of it, it's been inside of me ever since middle school. 5 years of pain...I wonder just how much fucking longer I can hold it in, before it consumes me. Before I drive myself to the point where insanity will take my life. My heartbeats make it feel shorter...so much shorter. My life is on the edge, the edge of death. So painful, so stressful, and yet, so destined. I guess God chose me to live this life, this horrible painful life. So fucking pathetic, how fucking pathetic is my life, how fucking pathetic am I...why can't I just be a man, and let it all out. Just let it all go. Release the pain. I feel like I'm walking this world without a soul. I believe my soul is already gone. I've lost the will to live, I lost the will to do good in this world. I'm just a wandering body, without a soul, trying to fit in. Oh how I wish to release the pain, or have someone release it for me. How much it would mean to me to have someone with me right now, someone who cares, someone who can rid me of my pain with a simple word...a simple touch, something so simple that will make me relaxed. A simple hug...can do more than you think. How I wish someone could help me through this painful moment I'm having right now. How I wish I could just let all this pain go away. Every step I take...takes my life away. Even typing this right now...it's painful. Everything in my life is painful, pathetic, I feel as though I am seperated from everyone else.
No one understands me anymore. I am a lost little soul doing his own little thing. No one can understand my emotions anymore, because I have seperated myself from all of you. Anyone who meets me...assumes I'm a normal kid, from the way I act. I'm a quiet kid, quoted from Michelle. But she saw nothing wrong with me...because I made sure no one would know who I really am. No one knows me as a depressed kid...or maybe they do. But no one will ever understand what I am feeling right now, what I am going through. How simple it would be to take a knife, and stab myself...so simple.
Moving to Anthem will change a lot. 2 and a half hours of peace in the car...just to get to school. Another great way to live in solitude. Anthem...Anthem...how great. I'll get more depressed once we move there...
This will be my last post for Live Journal. I'm getting a public Xanga which everyone will know about...and I hope that I can post normal things on the xanga...maybe I'll come back once in a while to rant about my pathetic life, something I can't handle, something I can't let anyone else see on my Xanga...
Sayonara...I don't have much longer. Peace.
No one understands me anymore. I am a lost little soul doing his own little thing. No one can understand my emotions anymore, because I have seperated myself from all of you. Anyone who meets me...assumes I'm a normal kid, from the way I act. I'm a quiet kid, quoted from Michelle. But she saw nothing wrong with me...because I made sure no one would know who I really am. No one knows me as a depressed kid...or maybe they do. But no one will ever understand what I am feeling right now, what I am going through. How simple it would be to take a knife, and stab myself...so simple.
Moving to Anthem will change a lot. 2 and a half hours of peace in the car...just to get to school. Another great way to live in solitude. Anthem...Anthem...how great. I'll get more depressed once we move there...
This will be my last post for Live Journal. I'm getting a public Xanga which everyone will know about...and I hope that I can post normal things on the xanga...maybe I'll come back once in a while to rant about my pathetic life, something I can't handle, something I can't let anyone else see on my Xanga...
Sayonara...I don't have much longer. Peace.