I've been trying...
To post here at least once a week. I think I failed this month. Oh well, time to start over!
Since everything finalized my life has settled down a bit. At least emotion-wise. I'm pretty steady these days and I like it. I'll always have the ghosts and the demons to battle, both from the relationship and from before it, but I don't feel like a lost ship at sea anymore. It's nice.
It's also been nice to be able to have a civil conversation with Scott and not feel like I'm broken afterwards. Although that's been coming for awhile. The last few times have been easier, I'm thinking the place he's at in my life is the right one. I'd very much like the whole cordial thing to last. I still think he's a fantastic writer and will still buy his books :) Besides, I hate hating people. I reserve my hatred for the select few, and even then I keep that pretty much to myself.
As far as the rest of my life goes? I love the new job. It's physically strenuous, but in a different way. My rabbit allergy is coming ahead by leaps and bounds. First day there I couldn't stand in the hallway with the rabbits, now I'm taking weights and doing nails and this that and the other thing with less and less impact every time. The drugs I've been taking to get by are dropping day by day. I love my body, even when there are times I hate it.
Still searching for a home. Still allergic to my house. Now it smells like stale cigarette smoke here. *sigh* The upstairs lady smokes. I assume she's started smoking in the front doorway since it's been rather cold this weekend. And, of course, this smoke comes under my front door. *gag* I'm not a smoker, I've never been one, I'll never be one.
This next week will be taken up with getting ready for xmas, studying for my GRE, and getting my grad school apps done. I still struggle daily with this horrible inertia from the last few years. A constant feeling of not being good enough that dogs my steps. I am finding my good ole spirit and charging ahead as I can with fingers raised high at said inertia and much colorful language applied. I've always said my worst enemy is myself. And it truly is.
Last weekend I visited Kyle for the weekend and took a much needed breather from life. I enjoy pestering the hell out of him (I actually try to be less pestersome in his home :P). I had a great time sleeping in late, playing with his cat, watching movies, and dragging him around making him show me town. I finally got to taste the fajitas he always tells me he's making, and the pancakes. (yummy!) And burgers, tasty!
I'm damned lucky to have a friend like him. :)
I know I have a lot of you friend-like people. And I appreciate every stinking one of you. Some of you got some "special" messages this year, or will be between thanksgiving and Xmas. And some of you haven't. It's not because I don't care about you, I do. All ya'll are some bright, shiny folks (and we know how much I like bright shinies!), and I'm lucky to have each and every one of you in my life.
My recent brush with the ER almost 2 weeks ago now, just reiterated the whys of who I am most days. I try not to hold many grudges, and i certainly do my best to let ya'll know how much I appreciate you and am thankful for you. I hope you all know this. You each have something special that I cherish you for, even when I pull back and just want some down time.
I'm good at making friends, I like making friends. I like making acquaintances. It's kinda like Pokemon - ya gotta catch em all. And really, I do count myself lucky. And really, it shouldn't floor me when I get offers for places to hide, or for help, but it does. I don't know why. It probably always will. So thank you, for those of you that have offered help over the last few years whether it be a shoulder, a confidance, or a place to crash, whatever.
Now! Back to unpacking from Turkey day! Dun DUN DUN!
Since everything finalized my life has settled down a bit. At least emotion-wise. I'm pretty steady these days and I like it. I'll always have the ghosts and the demons to battle, both from the relationship and from before it, but I don't feel like a lost ship at sea anymore. It's nice.
It's also been nice to be able to have a civil conversation with Scott and not feel like I'm broken afterwards. Although that's been coming for awhile. The last few times have been easier, I'm thinking the place he's at in my life is the right one. I'd very much like the whole cordial thing to last. I still think he's a fantastic writer and will still buy his books :) Besides, I hate hating people. I reserve my hatred for the select few, and even then I keep that pretty much to myself.
As far as the rest of my life goes? I love the new job. It's physically strenuous, but in a different way. My rabbit allergy is coming ahead by leaps and bounds. First day there I couldn't stand in the hallway with the rabbits, now I'm taking weights and doing nails and this that and the other thing with less and less impact every time. The drugs I've been taking to get by are dropping day by day. I love my body, even when there are times I hate it.
Still searching for a home. Still allergic to my house. Now it smells like stale cigarette smoke here. *sigh* The upstairs lady smokes. I assume she's started smoking in the front doorway since it's been rather cold this weekend. And, of course, this smoke comes under my front door. *gag* I'm not a smoker, I've never been one, I'll never be one.
This next week will be taken up with getting ready for xmas, studying for my GRE, and getting my grad school apps done. I still struggle daily with this horrible inertia from the last few years. A constant feeling of not being good enough that dogs my steps. I am finding my good ole spirit and charging ahead as I can with fingers raised high at said inertia and much colorful language applied. I've always said my worst enemy is myself. And it truly is.
Last weekend I visited Kyle for the weekend and took a much needed breather from life. I enjoy pestering the hell out of him (I actually try to be less pestersome in his home :P). I had a great time sleeping in late, playing with his cat, watching movies, and dragging him around making him show me town. I finally got to taste the fajitas he always tells me he's making, and the pancakes. (yummy!) And burgers, tasty!
I'm damned lucky to have a friend like him. :)
I know I have a lot of you friend-like people. And I appreciate every stinking one of you. Some of you got some "special" messages this year, or will be between thanksgiving and Xmas. And some of you haven't. It's not because I don't care about you, I do. All ya'll are some bright, shiny folks (and we know how much I like bright shinies!), and I'm lucky to have each and every one of you in my life.
My recent brush with the ER almost 2 weeks ago now, just reiterated the whys of who I am most days. I try not to hold many grudges, and i certainly do my best to let ya'll know how much I appreciate you and am thankful for you. I hope you all know this. You each have something special that I cherish you for, even when I pull back and just want some down time.
I'm good at making friends, I like making friends. I like making acquaintances. It's kinda like Pokemon - ya gotta catch em all. And really, I do count myself lucky. And really, it shouldn't floor me when I get offers for places to hide, or for help, but it does. I don't know why. It probably always will. So thank you, for those of you that have offered help over the last few years whether it be a shoulder, a confidance, or a place to crash, whatever.
Now! Back to unpacking from Turkey day! Dun DUN DUN!