(no subject)
Okay, so it has been forever since I've even thought about, or written in this thing and I've come to doubt anyone else has either, so it will more be a place for me to vent and think about things. If you do happen to come across this, just know that I don't mind others reading (that is why I am posting to a blogging site), but it is mostly for me, so if you have any rude comments, keep them to yourself, and if you are offended, please keep in mind it is me venting and I do not mean everything I write down in here. Perhaps my entries will not make sense to others, but it is my journal, therefore the things that I write down may stray far from the original subject I intend to write about when I open the page.
With that said, I think it will be helpful for me to write things down and then go back and look at them. A lot of things have happened this past year and I feel as if it is all stuck together in my mind. Perhaps if I take the time to write things down each day, or at least the important things once a week, maybe I can read back through them and attempt to make sense of the mess that I call life. Of course, that is just what life is, it's a big mess a lot of time.
So anyway, enough rambling for now, I guess all I have to say to start things out anew is that people change as life changes. I've seen myself change completely since I graduated high school and went to college, and I've seen myself change completely again in the past year of college. I guess that's just how things happen and you can't help anyone but yourself, no matter how hard you try. People will become like the people they surround themselves with, it's just that simple. Whether they mean to or not is besides the point, it's just a fact of life. Your environment has a huge effect on who you become, and you can choose your surroundings to a point of success of failure. While you may not be able to control every situation you put yourself into, you do have the choice to continue or to find something new. I guess some people either just don't realize it, or they are too blinded by the path they are on sometimes to see it's not a good path for them. I'm not trying to preach to anyone, because I know that in the past I have been guilty of the same misfortune, and to some I may be in that position now, but where I see myself going right now is where I want to be. I want many things for myself. For a life plan I would like to graduate school in two years, I would like to do my internship abroad next summer, I want to travel all around Europe before I settle down, I want to be a travel guide in every European country before I settle down, I want kids but only far down the road, I don't want to be married until I've accomplished my goals, I want to start my own travel agency when I'm ready to settle down, I want a German Shepherd, and the list could go on. Emotionally I need to find more now, because even though I'm not ready to settle down right now I want to know someone cares about me. It's been hard being single, even though I enjoy the lifestyle, because I've seen so many loving couples around me. I just want to know that someone cares for me that much, not just in a friend or a family way, but in a special unconditional beyond friendship way. It's something I don't think I have ever really felt in my life, and maybe I won't for sometime, but I feel as if I need that kind of love in my life right now. I need to feel that acceptance. Perhaps I'm being selfish and there is someone out there who cares about me in that way, but I have not found that person that I care about like that too. At least I have never been able to know for sure that both of us feel that way. It's such a complicated thing, what they call love, but I don't feel like I can put a label on it. I feel as if it is a feeling that no word can encompass, a feeling that no combination of words can describe, a feeling that breaks the mold and makes you feel as if you'd never be sad and alone again. Maybe I place it on too high a pedestal, but I feel like it is out there somewhere, just waiting for me to stumble across it when I'm least expecting it. I feel like Snow White waiting on my Prince to come someday, and it will happen. My Edward Cullen will come and sweep me off my feet, my knight in shining armor will slay my dragon, my Lancelot will come to me, his Guinevere, in the night. Alright, enough analogies, but I feel as if when love does come to me it will feel like all of these combined into one. It will be a feeling I am unable to explain, but my measly attempts may be enough to give someone else hope to have the same thing that I am unable to find at the moment....
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. -Aristotle
With that said, I think it will be helpful for me to write things down and then go back and look at them. A lot of things have happened this past year and I feel as if it is all stuck together in my mind. Perhaps if I take the time to write things down each day, or at least the important things once a week, maybe I can read back through them and attempt to make sense of the mess that I call life. Of course, that is just what life is, it's a big mess a lot of time.
So anyway, enough rambling for now, I guess all I have to say to start things out anew is that people change as life changes. I've seen myself change completely since I graduated high school and went to college, and I've seen myself change completely again in the past year of college. I guess that's just how things happen and you can't help anyone but yourself, no matter how hard you try. People will become like the people they surround themselves with, it's just that simple. Whether they mean to or not is besides the point, it's just a fact of life. Your environment has a huge effect on who you become, and you can choose your surroundings to a point of success of failure. While you may not be able to control every situation you put yourself into, you do have the choice to continue or to find something new. I guess some people either just don't realize it, or they are too blinded by the path they are on sometimes to see it's not a good path for them. I'm not trying to preach to anyone, because I know that in the past I have been guilty of the same misfortune, and to some I may be in that position now, but where I see myself going right now is where I want to be. I want many things for myself. For a life plan I would like to graduate school in two years, I would like to do my internship abroad next summer, I want to travel all around Europe before I settle down, I want to be a travel guide in every European country before I settle down, I want kids but only far down the road, I don't want to be married until I've accomplished my goals, I want to start my own travel agency when I'm ready to settle down, I want a German Shepherd, and the list could go on. Emotionally I need to find more now, because even though I'm not ready to settle down right now I want to know someone cares about me. It's been hard being single, even though I enjoy the lifestyle, because I've seen so many loving couples around me. I just want to know that someone cares for me that much, not just in a friend or a family way, but in a special unconditional beyond friendship way. It's something I don't think I have ever really felt in my life, and maybe I won't for sometime, but I feel as if I need that kind of love in my life right now. I need to feel that acceptance. Perhaps I'm being selfish and there is someone out there who cares about me in that way, but I have not found that person that I care about like that too. At least I have never been able to know for sure that both of us feel that way. It's such a complicated thing, what they call love, but I don't feel like I can put a label on it. I feel as if it is a feeling that no word can encompass, a feeling that no combination of words can describe, a feeling that breaks the mold and makes you feel as if you'd never be sad and alone again. Maybe I place it on too high a pedestal, but I feel like it is out there somewhere, just waiting for me to stumble across it when I'm least expecting it. I feel like Snow White waiting on my Prince to come someday, and it will happen. My Edward Cullen will come and sweep me off my feet, my knight in shining armor will slay my dragon, my Lancelot will come to me, his Guinevere, in the night. Alright, enough analogies, but I feel as if when love does come to me it will feel like all of these combined into one. It will be a feeling I am unable to explain, but my measly attempts may be enough to give someone else hope to have the same thing that I am unable to find at the moment....
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. -Aristotle