(no subject)
Okay, I'm kinda disgusted.
I was fucking around with the Classmates finder on Facebook and found a few people with whom I was barely/somewhat friends...until they all became the "cool crowd" (just like in all the fucking 80's movies). I almost went to message one of them (the one I considered to be the least likely to still be a jackass after almost 20 years) - and when I looked at her profile...she and ALL that crowd are still fucking friends. O_o
Like. Pictures of each other hanging in their kitchens, making desserts. Still. Friends.
This sort of astounds me. I'm not jealous, I'm TRULY not, because I hated most of the assholes I went to school with, but I see a couple of people who were decent to me - and they are still hanging out with some people who were, quite frankly, awful to me (I was fat, I was NOT popular, I was odd, I STILL AM)...and that makes me feel just like that fucking 15 year old girl. And FUCK if that doesn't make me angry.
I find it hard to believe that these people still have that much in common now that they are not flipping pom poms around. Or perhaps they are just still the shitty people I thought they were then and just as fucking self absorbed?
How much have I REALLY changed?
Well, I put up with no one's shit, but high school was special fucking torture.
I had strange taste in clothes, I had strange taste in music, we didn't have much in the way of money (I identified way too much with Molly Ringwald's Andi in Pretty in Pink - but I wasn't that cute or that thin)...and I didn't form close friendships much. I had a best friend in each year and that was where I clung. I was not friendless. I was not outcast as much as the pre-goth punks or the obviously-gays. I also don't remember wanting to belong much either.
I don't know. I just...
It disturbs me to think that some people don't leave that place behind when they leave it.
It makes me shiver to think that for some people...I guess high school IS the best time of their lives.
I was fucking around with the Classmates finder on Facebook and found a few people with whom I was barely/somewhat friends...until they all became the "cool crowd" (just like in all the fucking 80's movies). I almost went to message one of them (the one I considered to be the least likely to still be a jackass after almost 20 years) - and when I looked at her profile...she and ALL that crowd are still fucking friends. O_o
Like. Pictures of each other hanging in their kitchens, making desserts. Still. Friends.
This sort of astounds me. I'm not jealous, I'm TRULY not, because I hated most of the assholes I went to school with, but I see a couple of people who were decent to me - and they are still hanging out with some people who were, quite frankly, awful to me (I was fat, I was NOT popular, I was odd, I STILL AM)...and that makes me feel just like that fucking 15 year old girl. And FUCK if that doesn't make me angry.
I find it hard to believe that these people still have that much in common now that they are not flipping pom poms around. Or perhaps they are just still the shitty people I thought they were then and just as fucking self absorbed?
How much have I REALLY changed?
Well, I put up with no one's shit, but high school was special fucking torture.
I had strange taste in clothes, I had strange taste in music, we didn't have much in the way of money (I identified way too much with Molly Ringwald's Andi in Pretty in Pink - but I wasn't that cute or that thin)...and I didn't form close friendships much. I had a best friend in each year and that was where I clung. I was not friendless. I was not outcast as much as the pre-goth punks or the obviously-gays. I also don't remember wanting to belong much either.
I don't know. I just...
It disturbs me to think that some people don't leave that place behind when they leave it.
It makes me shiver to think that for some people...I guess high school IS the best time of their lives.