12. [voice]

[guiltapalooza]

I-- I got so used to Spike on here, that I forgot that... that the one in Sunnydale isn't like that. [Willow sounds blank, like she's been strong emotion'd out.] I didn't forget forget, but it's different when you see it and have a broken bottle held to your neck and are stuck hostage in an abandoned factory and, and--

[Her voice breaks and turns

Comments

[autophoenix]

Okay, wait. Can we back up to the part with Spike and the broken bottle and the kidnapping?

[guiltapalooza]

Spike kidnapped me and Xander to make me do a love spell to get his evil, crazy, vampire girlfriend back. Not future Spike, this Spike. Just in case that, um, wasn't clear.

[autophoenix]

But, future Spike is that Spike. It's not like he's a completely different ... vampire. He's the same, he's just ... older. He still did that to you, it just happened to be a few years ago for him.

[guiltapalooza]

He is completely different - he doesn't "happen to be" anything. The one on the community has a soul, the Spike here, not so much.

For vampires, having a soul is like having a... a Jiminy Cricket. They don't really care about hurting people when they're soulless. I can't get mad at Spike for something he'd never do now.

[autophoenix]

How do you know he'd never do it? Humans have souls and plenty of them still do bad things. A soul doesn't automatically make him a good guy.

[guiltapalooza]

Spike feels really badly about what he's done, Claire. Maybe I shouldn't, but I trust him. I've spent plenty of time with him and he's been nothing but nice and, and helpful.

Plus, I am well acquainted with the vampire transformation from souled to unsouled and back. It's a lot more dramatic than you think.

[autophoenix]

I hope you're right about that.

[guiltapalooza]

I know I'm right about that. There comes a point where I just have to trust him; keeping up the uncertainty is too stressful.

[autophoenix]

But if you trust him and you're wrong, it's going to be a lot more stressful than some uncertainty.

[guiltapalooza]

I guess I'm just willing to take that chance. It's easy to talk about distrusting people, but when they're right there looking at you, being all sad, or-- or apologetic, it's a lot harder to maintain the stiff upper lip.

[autophoenix]

[ she wants to argue, because it's been pretty fucking easy for her in the past to maintain it with sylar, but ... willow's not her. and maybe she's jealous of willow a little for being able to amass that kind of empathy. ]

Yeah, maybe. I just hope you're right about him and don't get bit in the butt for this -- or anywhere else, for that matter.

[guiltapalooza]

Me, too, but I don't think I will. If you want the truth, Claire, it's hard to explain how much of a difference souls make to vampires. It's a little like you've woken up after a hundred year sleep and discovered you've been killing people the whole time, with no one to stop you. I don't think guilt is a word that can cover it.

[autophoenix]

[ okay that's a pretty powerful description and it makes claire hesitate. but ... ]

Maybe he really is trying to reform them.

[guiltapalooza]

I think he is. He's really trying, so I... I want to help.

Even if his past self did just threaten to kill me.

[autophoenix]

You're a better person than I am, Willow. He's lucky to have you to help.

[guiltapalooza]

Oh - no, I. I'm not better.

I just can't stop feeling something once I start feeling it. Doesn't seem like such an advantage right now.