Nightmares
I want to bed with murder on the brain last night so it's no wonder I had this horrific dream. It also makes me happy that I am not worth millions of dollars.
So In this dream I was hanging out with friends in a park- we were walking around a bit and I had to run home for something. My dwelling was a seedy apartment complex and for some reason I wasn't able to get my keys out of my purse. (Purse?- one of the reasons I rationalized it was a dream afterward) A short woman walked past me & then started to chat with me on the stairs. I was very distracted looking for my keys & she walked out the door just to the left of me. Then she walked back through it with a switchblade and tried to hold it to my throat so she could... take my purse, take me hostage upstairs, who knows- I never found out. I grabbed the blade with my fingers & started dragging it away from my throat. Losing finger dexterity is far better than getting my throat slit. I managed to leverage it so it was going towards her throat instead and told her to get the fuck away from me & shoved her. I was terrified. When she came back at me using the same technique, I grabbed her hair, wrenched her head around so she was facing away from me & slit her throat open.
I reached my bloody hands into my purse for my phone to call the cops, when a man came down the stairs. He was a tenant in the building, but I wasn't able to handle another possible knife fight in that stairwell, no matter the unlikelyhood of him actually bringing one to the table so I ran out the door. The cops were about 12 feet from the door coming my way. I suppose it looked like I was fleeing the scene of a murder. The other tenant could clearly testify that I was next to the body, blood all over me & running out.
The cops detained me for murder but didn't arrest me. Instead they made me go to the airport with 2 detectives- not sure why. The 'gruff' detective stayed & sat with me while the mellow detective went to the John. Another villainish man came by as soon as he was out of seeing distance & sat in his place with a shotgun on my lap. He pointed it at me & it was like we were in the Matrix- people were walking by, but no one cared. It was like it didn't even register. They interrogated me. Again & again. I was so scared I couldn't come up with a lie. Or defiance or anything. They told me that my story was bullshit and if 'certain things' didn't happen, that I would be sent upstate for this. I was set up. They would take any possible evidence and 'lose' it. That if I talked about this to anyone, they would lock me down. That they had resources that I couldn't even imagine. The villain pointed his shotgun away from me and walked away just before the mellow detective ambled around the corner. He started asking me questions & taking notes as I told him my story as well. Trapped. Shit I am so trapped.
They ended up letting me go home telling me that I could give no one even the slightest detail about what happened.
I went home to my seedy apartment passing Jay & Katya on the way. I told them about the woman who attacked me but not about the corrupt detective. They were very concerned & they set about to help me by bringing me Cajun chicken & mashed potatoes. I thought furiously about my options. I didn't know if I could trust the mellow cop. It might be a test to see if I would tell someone- he might be as corrupt as the other guy and they would feel that they needed to drive the point home more sternly. Didn't want that. Or if he was a good cop- he would just go up the chain in his department & assuming that there wasn't someone on the top who was corrupt was too big of a risk for me to take. Jay & K brought people over to eat chicken & whatever else and I was really stressed out because of the whole thing & I couldn't talk it and while Katya & I were washing dishes I told her about the corrupt cop and his villain, but not about the fact that they told me to kep quiet. She looked at me dead in the eye and said "I guess they didn't teach you well enough to keep your fucking mouth shut," and went back to washing dishes.
Fuck. She's in on it. Oh god.
I ran out onto the balcony to get some air and asked Sofia to join me. I told her that I had to tell her something and that I was really scared & didn't know what to do.
"What, that you killed a woman and now you're going ot do whatever Officer McNaffey wants you to do because otherwise we will fuck you up?"
I think I stopped breathing at the point. It was so casual, like we were still friends. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. It's like she just stabbed me in the heart. Forget that I killed a woman less than 8 hours ago, Sofia? My Sofia? "What? When?" I stammer like a drunken fool. "When did they 'get me'?" She laughs. "I was with them from the start. You were so easy, malleable. You mimic the behavior of your friends. That's why I was always eating messy things with my hands so it makes it harder to get things out of a purse."
Fucked. I am so fucked. This is like the Lies of Locke Lamora. Everything you know is a lie. At that point it I couldn't take anymore shock. Only admiration for such a scheme. Holy shit what they are after must be HUGE. 1.5 years of faking a friendship in order for me to pick up the habit of eating with my hands so they could frame me for murdering some dumb bitch? I've been so had.
I don't remember what happened to the rest of the dream. I do remember waking up trying to figure out if this was a dream & this all happened or not. I couldn't trust myself to ask people. It was the fact that I'm pretty sure I haven't killed anyone lately, I have no cuts on my hands, I don't live in a seedy apartment building & I don't have a purse that let me know that this was fake & not real. It certainly felt real.
*this has nothing to do with what I posted on facebook*
So In this dream I was hanging out with friends in a park- we were walking around a bit and I had to run home for something. My dwelling was a seedy apartment complex and for some reason I wasn't able to get my keys out of my purse. (Purse?- one of the reasons I rationalized it was a dream afterward) A short woman walked past me & then started to chat with me on the stairs. I was very distracted looking for my keys & she walked out the door just to the left of me. Then she walked back through it with a switchblade and tried to hold it to my throat so she could... take my purse, take me hostage upstairs, who knows- I never found out. I grabbed the blade with my fingers & started dragging it away from my throat. Losing finger dexterity is far better than getting my throat slit. I managed to leverage it so it was going towards her throat instead and told her to get the fuck away from me & shoved her. I was terrified. When she came back at me using the same technique, I grabbed her hair, wrenched her head around so she was facing away from me & slit her throat open.
I reached my bloody hands into my purse for my phone to call the cops, when a man came down the stairs. He was a tenant in the building, but I wasn't able to handle another possible knife fight in that stairwell, no matter the unlikelyhood of him actually bringing one to the table so I ran out the door. The cops were about 12 feet from the door coming my way. I suppose it looked like I was fleeing the scene of a murder. The other tenant could clearly testify that I was next to the body, blood all over me & running out.
The cops detained me for murder but didn't arrest me. Instead they made me go to the airport with 2 detectives- not sure why. The 'gruff' detective stayed & sat with me while the mellow detective went to the John. Another villainish man came by as soon as he was out of seeing distance & sat in his place with a shotgun on my lap. He pointed it at me & it was like we were in the Matrix- people were walking by, but no one cared. It was like it didn't even register. They interrogated me. Again & again. I was so scared I couldn't come up with a lie. Or defiance or anything. They told me that my story was bullshit and if 'certain things' didn't happen, that I would be sent upstate for this. I was set up. They would take any possible evidence and 'lose' it. That if I talked about this to anyone, they would lock me down. That they had resources that I couldn't even imagine. The villain pointed his shotgun away from me and walked away just before the mellow detective ambled around the corner. He started asking me questions & taking notes as I told him my story as well. Trapped. Shit I am so trapped.
They ended up letting me go home telling me that I could give no one even the slightest detail about what happened.
I went home to my seedy apartment passing Jay & Katya on the way. I told them about the woman who attacked me but not about the corrupt detective. They were very concerned & they set about to help me by bringing me Cajun chicken & mashed potatoes. I thought furiously about my options. I didn't know if I could trust the mellow cop. It might be a test to see if I would tell someone- he might be as corrupt as the other guy and they would feel that they needed to drive the point home more sternly. Didn't want that. Or if he was a good cop- he would just go up the chain in his department & assuming that there wasn't someone on the top who was corrupt was too big of a risk for me to take. Jay & K brought people over to eat chicken & whatever else and I was really stressed out because of the whole thing & I couldn't talk it and while Katya & I were washing dishes I told her about the corrupt cop and his villain, but not about the fact that they told me to kep quiet. She looked at me dead in the eye and said "I guess they didn't teach you well enough to keep your fucking mouth shut," and went back to washing dishes.
Fuck. She's in on it. Oh god.
I ran out onto the balcony to get some air and asked Sofia to join me. I told her that I had to tell her something and that I was really scared & didn't know what to do.
"What, that you killed a woman and now you're going ot do whatever Officer McNaffey wants you to do because otherwise we will fuck you up?"
I think I stopped breathing at the point. It was so casual, like we were still friends. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. It's like she just stabbed me in the heart. Forget that I killed a woman less than 8 hours ago, Sofia? My Sofia? "What? When?" I stammer like a drunken fool. "When did they 'get me'?" She laughs. "I was with them from the start. You were so easy, malleable. You mimic the behavior of your friends. That's why I was always eating messy things with my hands so it makes it harder to get things out of a purse."
Fucked. I am so fucked. This is like the Lies of Locke Lamora. Everything you know is a lie. At that point it I couldn't take anymore shock. Only admiration for such a scheme. Holy shit what they are after must be HUGE. 1.5 years of faking a friendship in order for me to pick up the habit of eating with my hands so they could frame me for murdering some dumb bitch? I've been so had.
I don't remember what happened to the rest of the dream. I do remember waking up trying to figure out if this was a dream & this all happened or not. I couldn't trust myself to ask people. It was the fact that I'm pretty sure I haven't killed anyone lately, I have no cuts on my hands, I don't live in a seedy apartment building & I don't have a purse that let me know that this was fake & not real. It certainly felt real.
*this has nothing to do with what I posted on facebook*