For Jim Ellison

[guidehimback]

Work had been easy, it was that night at home that had been hard. It didn't stop Blair from trying. He was polite, no mention of dating or anything of the sort. They'd shared dinner and watched the game. At least they had started it

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[walkstheborders]

Predictably, Jim had no intention of going to bed until after the game. He stayed up until the match was done (with a loss, unfortunately) and took the time to close up, lock down, brush his teeth and then shut off lights as he went, eyes instantly adjusting to the darkness.

It was a kindness to Blair, pretending to be asleep form the sound of his heartbeat, that he left the lights off when he got up to his room. He changed for bed and went around the far side from the stairs, sliding under the covers.

"You sure you want to sleep in jeans, Chief?"

[guidehimback]

Meditation should have made it seem like he was out and had Jim been anyone but a sentinel, Blair likely would have gotten away with it. Jim wasn't ordinary though.

He shifted, trying to stay quiet for a bit before he murmured softly, "Seemed the best idea. Keep things... I don't know,' he whispered back, curling in a little more on himself as he practically balanced on the edge of the bed.

"Also, I'm not answering, I'm asleep."

[walkstheborders]

"Sure you are." The mattress shifted under him as he felt Blair shuffled away further. Any more distance and he was likely to send himself ass over falling off the bed.

He shifted comfortably to near the middle and reached out, unerringly landing a hand on Blair's hip and tugging to drag him back onto the bed further.

[guidehimback]

Blair didn't move, almost holding his breath as Jim settled onto the bed. Then that strong hand was on the slender curve of his hip and he tensed.

"I'm fine. I've got plenty of room,' he murmured even as Jim's grip pulled him closer.

[walkstheborders]

He tugged until he could get his hand flat to Blair's stomach, which was when Blair had no hope of hell of avoiding the inevitable force of what Ellison Had Decided.

He dragged Blair into the middle of the bed, arm comfortably and immovably slung over his smaller guide, abusing his size and strength to keep him there. "Stop being a martyr, Chief."

[guidehimback]

Now his heart was racing. It wasn't just being close to Jim but it was the way he was being held, pulled close and he couldn't find a way away from Jim's grip.

Held by him, he still tried to stay still. Jim's body was a solid force behind him and while he didn't have a sentinel's senses, all he could smell was Jim.

"I... It's not about being a martyr,' he whispered, voice thick with emotions. "I... If you were into someone and they held you like this, wouldn't you find it hard to sleep, or behave or..." Or do anything but want to be naked and eld and together and... And he sighed, closing his eyes tight.

"This is good. I'm fine."

[walkstheborders]

"Or just relax and enjoy?" He didn't do anything more than this, arm over Blair's body and hand pressed to his chest, closing his eyes. "You're fine? Or you're actually going to sleep?"

[guidehimback]

Blair snorted. "Yeah, the moment my heart stops racing and..."

And he was so never going to finish that particular sentence.

"You don't have to do this, Jim. I mean, I'm pretty sure your senses will be fine just with me close. I don't think they need you holding me."

[walkstheborders]

Jim thought it saved on the time spent rolling and fidgeting and waking up like this anyway if last night was any suggestion on it.

He could feel Blair's heartbeat under his fingertips. A racing beat like dancing drums against his hand.

"I know I don't have to."

[guidehimback]

Blair almost started to relax, not so tense, even if his heart hadn't slowed a bit and he kept holding his breath before breathing.

"Then why? I know you're worried about me but I can survive this without you having to have like... I don't know, pity or something." Which terrified him, that it was pity.

[walkstheborders]

"It's not pity. I don't do pity." Except, possibly, where his family was involved. "Because I want to."

He shifted to try and get comfortable despite the still tense lump of Guide in his grip.

[guidehimback]

Blair though about it all for a minute, thought about what to do and how to act.

"Do you want me to just be myself,' he asked softly.

[walkstheborders]

Jim spent the time trying to get comfortable and accepting he wouldn't be until Blair relaxed.

"Yeah." He tried to relax again. "That."

[guidehimback]

Nodding, Blair rested his hand over Jim's. Slowly twining his fingers with Jim's, he brought his partner's hand to his mouth and lightly kissed the inside of his wrist. He paused like that, breathing against Jim's skin.

"Okay,' he said softly, trying to be himself.

[walkstheborders]

The feel of their hands together wasn't new. Different for the fact Blair's hand closed on his, but he had closed his hand over Blair's a lot.

Then he was being moved, he felt breath before he felt lips, a pres of damp skin before his mouth relaxed and all he could feel was the tickle of deliberately calm breathing.

Nothing was spiraling out of control. His sense of touch remained resolutely normal with no effort at all.

"Okay," he replied just as soft.

[guidehimback]

He ached to run his tongue over Jim's skin, to turn and snuggle against him, twining his legs around his partner's and hold him like he would a lover.

Instead he focused on his breathing, trying to stay calm. That didn't stop the pounding of his heart.