(no subject)
I must be an idiot.
Mike went out and got very very very drunk, and ended up kissing some girl twice...and probably her friend.
He told me the next day, and I was just left completely gob-smacked beyond words. All I did all day was cry, shake and be sick...it was horrible.
I really really really trusted him. So much.
Despite my little fits of jealousy, I never really thought he would actually go and cheat on me.
He said that he regrets it very very much. And that he didnt want to lose me. And that he still loves me.
I very nearly ended it. I even said I would have done.
But something...I dont know.
I think its just my own feelings got in the way.
I still love him.
I took him back.
I hate it. I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. But he seems to be genuinely sorry. And admitedly he wasnt running around after me at my every beck and call when we all went to the beach yesterday, but probably cause I was so tense and stiff for ages. I couldnt look at him in the eye. I felt sick when he kissed me,knowing he'd kissed someone else just nights ago. I had to go off on my own and find a less crowded patch of beach and just sat there and sobbed quietly.
It was very theraputic, with the water just lapping against me.
I kind of gathered myself up after that, and I realised he was probably coming off as useless cause he was so scared about what to say or do.
But...I dont trust him properly now. The thought of him going out to anywhere, clubs or pubs or parties without me just makes me cringe. I just dont have it in me. I feel absolutely horrible.
Tonight he was being lovely, kissing me, holding me, hugging me, and like...fanning me when I got too hot from dancing. And, although I was loving it, I felt horrible at the same time. I just wanted to scream and cry with frustration, cause its...just Not Fair.
No matter what, I will never be able to forget this.
But I love him. And I cant let it go. Cheryl said that if I finished him without giving it another shot, I'd finish myself too, cause I'd forever be curious about whether it could have worked or not. At least if I gave him another shot, she said, I would be able to see if it works or not and take it from there.
So the question is now...Is it working? Will it work? Will it get better? Or worse?
How long do I have to wait before deciding that it is or isn't working?
I don't know.
Nor do I really want to know, cause even the thought of it not working as I typed it out here, has left me with tears streaming down my face, unable to breathe properly, and shaking.
I dont know.
Why must boys ruin everything?
Mike went out and got very very very drunk, and ended up kissing some girl twice...and probably her friend.
He told me the next day, and I was just left completely gob-smacked beyond words. All I did all day was cry, shake and be sick...it was horrible.
I really really really trusted him. So much.
Despite my little fits of jealousy, I never really thought he would actually go and cheat on me.
He said that he regrets it very very much. And that he didnt want to lose me. And that he still loves me.
I very nearly ended it. I even said I would have done.
But something...I dont know.
I think its just my own feelings got in the way.
I still love him.
I took him back.
I hate it. I want to hurt him the way he hurt me. But he seems to be genuinely sorry. And admitedly he wasnt running around after me at my every beck and call when we all went to the beach yesterday, but probably cause I was so tense and stiff for ages. I couldnt look at him in the eye. I felt sick when he kissed me,knowing he'd kissed someone else just nights ago. I had to go off on my own and find a less crowded patch of beach and just sat there and sobbed quietly.
It was very theraputic, with the water just lapping against me.
I kind of gathered myself up after that, and I realised he was probably coming off as useless cause he was so scared about what to say or do.
But...I dont trust him properly now. The thought of him going out to anywhere, clubs or pubs or parties without me just makes me cringe. I just dont have it in me. I feel absolutely horrible.
Tonight he was being lovely, kissing me, holding me, hugging me, and like...fanning me when I got too hot from dancing. And, although I was loving it, I felt horrible at the same time. I just wanted to scream and cry with frustration, cause its...just Not Fair.
No matter what, I will never be able to forget this.
But I love him. And I cant let it go. Cheryl said that if I finished him without giving it another shot, I'd finish myself too, cause I'd forever be curious about whether it could have worked or not. At least if I gave him another shot, she said, I would be able to see if it works or not and take it from there.
So the question is now...Is it working? Will it work? Will it get better? Or worse?
How long do I have to wait before deciding that it is or isn't working?
I don't know.
Nor do I really want to know, cause even the thought of it not working as I typed it out here, has left me with tears streaming down my face, unable to breathe properly, and shaking.
I dont know.
Why must boys ruin everything?