i'm a little drunk, so bear with me here
wow. it is both the most satisfying yet aggravating thing.
Drinking with people you don't know can lead to interesting results. Drinking with girls you outright have no chance with brings about a strange and curious mood.
But in reality, those girls have no chance with me. It stops there.
I can't wait to be older. I long to meet new people...not that the people I know right now aren't fulfilling in their own right. But hope in feelings past is just foolish. This is how things are now and I am in a picture that is completely different. Forgetting is easy if forgetting is the only way to survive.
Goddamn, I am alone in this. I am alone with the things that I have done. I am alone with who I am.
And I don't mind. I like who I am. I'm just waiting to meet someone who likes who I am as well in the ways that would be...nice.
If I had one wish, I would go back...two years. Around two years ago. Spring break, two years ago. That's when things went down. If I could go back, I would fix everything. Everything. Everything in my life and in the life of others. I would warn them. I would warn myself.
But that's something no person could ever do. There is no way to change what has been done or take back the hurt that I've inflicted on others. There is no way to change how things are right now at this moment.
In that regard, would I go back if I could? Maybe. Maybe not. If I did, I might jeopardize a potential future that I don't even know is coming. But then again, perhaps I could have the things that I want right now.
Who knows? The point is, it's stupid to even consider the possibility. Such fantasies are for the weak. So, once more, I am left here waiting. Waiting for something. Waiting for what? For whom?
I don't know. I wish I did. But until then, it's ok. Until then, I'll tip my glass and drink to the present.
I cannot help the way I feel. It is one of the reasons I hate coming back to Boise. But I must. I have to face my demons. I have to face myself. I have to be ready to learn how to love again, so that when the opportunity does arise, I will not be caught off guard.
I must be ready.
Drinking with people you don't know can lead to interesting results. Drinking with girls you outright have no chance with brings about a strange and curious mood.
But in reality, those girls have no chance with me. It stops there.
I can't wait to be older. I long to meet new people...not that the people I know right now aren't fulfilling in their own right. But hope in feelings past is just foolish. This is how things are now and I am in a picture that is completely different. Forgetting is easy if forgetting is the only way to survive.
Goddamn, I am alone in this. I am alone with the things that I have done. I am alone with who I am.
And I don't mind. I like who I am. I'm just waiting to meet someone who likes who I am as well in the ways that would be...nice.
If I had one wish, I would go back...two years. Around two years ago. Spring break, two years ago. That's when things went down. If I could go back, I would fix everything. Everything. Everything in my life and in the life of others. I would warn them. I would warn myself.
But that's something no person could ever do. There is no way to change what has been done or take back the hurt that I've inflicted on others. There is no way to change how things are right now at this moment.
In that regard, would I go back if I could? Maybe. Maybe not. If I did, I might jeopardize a potential future that I don't even know is coming. But then again, perhaps I could have the things that I want right now.
Who knows? The point is, it's stupid to even consider the possibility. Such fantasies are for the weak. So, once more, I am left here waiting. Waiting for something. Waiting for what? For whom?
I don't know. I wish I did. But until then, it's ok. Until then, I'll tip my glass and drink to the present.
I cannot help the way I feel. It is one of the reasons I hate coming back to Boise. But I must. I have to face my demons. I have to face myself. I have to be ready to learn how to love again, so that when the opportunity does arise, I will not be caught off guard.
I must be ready.