(no subject)
My cat died today. I barely cried. I was fine when my mom called me up, in tears, and told me. And I'm fine talking about it. The only time I really barely got into it was at the vet.
See we had just taken her in yesterday because she was breathing funny. The vet said she somehow got fleas and the fleas gave her a tape worm. (For those of you who don't know : a tape worm lives inside an animal and, in a crude way, eats everything the pet eats...It sucks the vitamins and nutrients out of the food.) Well the vet said it was nothing serious and she gave us two pills and some liquid drops for fleas and medicine, we shelled out $150. But the vet said she was going to be fine.
So today my mother called, really worried to the vet and asked if the vet was in and could see our cat. On a yes, my mom hung up the phone and went to get my cat. She had died while my mother was on the phone.
My mother called me and asked what she should do. I told her to leave the cat where it was, and I would come home and burry it. By the time I got home the vet had called back, wondering why my mother hadn't brought her in. The vet requested we bring in our cat to get an autopsy done free of charge because we had just been in yesterday to see her.
Here's where it got me. We had my cat in a shoe box, in front of the receptionist. She got off the phone and looked at us,... looked at the box then back at us.."Can I help you?" My mom just pointed to the box. I said, "The vet is....?" The Lady had been answering the phone yesterday and today,... seen our faces, knew the case,... and she didn't recognize our faces,... and worst of all,... HELLO you work in a vet office,.... watery eyed people carrying in a shoe box. Again she said, cluelessly, "Can I help you?" My mom kinda tensed up,... like pouting her lips together like she does when she's trying not to show emotion and said, point to the box, "THIS is Erma" (side note: same receptionist who yesterday marveled at how Erma had one green eye and one blue eye, and how rare it was and how they had just seen a cat that looked exactly like her one green one blue) The lady still didn't get it,... although by now I think she recognized our faces, but she still didn't answer us or try to get anyone. I leaned against the counter and said in a grumbly loud whisper, "We were just on the phone with you. Our dead cat is here, in this shoebox, per the vet's request. Would you go get her." Here I was mad,... not an upset crying thing. But then the receptionist got it,...., "Oh I'm so sorry about Erma, she had told me about it." And then the vet came out. And a slu of I'm sorrys filled the place. And it was the I'm sorrys that got me,... I didn't want to hear that, but the vet kept going on how the autopsy would be on charge and unless we wanted to burry her in our backyard they would absorb the cost of that as well.
I just don't like it when I'm feeling bad and people say, "I'm sorry" I mean I know it's the polite thing to do,.... but to me they are just words. And words that mean, *I may or may not have gone through what you are going through now, but I've heard that It's tough, sucks to be you, glad it isn't me,..... feel better,....feel better now,..... now,..... I'm sorry" I shed a couple tears, but just wiped them away, and was off. Thankfully I didn't have to burry her myself because my mom wouldn't have been able to cope.
And since we are the topic of sorry:
I don't like it that "I am sorry" means you are remorseful of my loss
but yet calling something a sorry peice of work- is an insult.
And also I don't like how people hand it out as bread and cheese....
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.....
You know there is a whole game devoted to the fact that we don't really mean it when we say it to you,... it just makes us feel better....you know the self advancing game of SORRY
I'm sorry comes from the word sorrow, thus I'm sorry means I am sorrow filled, filled with sorrow, I am sad, I am in pain, I mourn, I weep, I am depressed....
No one ever means any of those things when they say I'm sorry
Never
You accidentally trip someone, you would never say, "I'm sad, I didn't mean to do that, it was an accident"
It's politeness,...and it kills me.