Chill
Lots to do, funeral, wedding, exercise, try not to eat carbs. The wedding is costing me my whole savings account but I'm so happy about it I'm not sweating it much. I'll work some overtime at the football games or get a second job. I don't care about time, I'm solo, there is no one looking for me and I'm keeping it that way. He proposed to me, I suppose hoping he would then have the authority to be more into my life. Seems to me he likes control and I will not be managed. The oldest child is having his wedding on Sunday, a precious thing ONCE, but not twice, I don't think. The ceremony is at a little mill that is also an inn in Smithville. Lovely up there. I did a drive up two Sundays ago, strolled the property and love it. I may be doing a weekend or two up there by myself, it's perfect, only about 8 rooms to rent and so there would not be a crowd, ever. There is nothing better than solitude after a hectic week. I have many hectic weeks where I come home from work exhausted and don't want to see or talk to anyone. I did enjoy his company once or twice a week but I'm not going to marry someone who I do not feel lust for. Intelligence alone doesn't cut it for me even though it's hard to find. He overrated himself on many occasions to the point that I wondered at the size of his ego. Egotistical doesn't cut it for me either.
I bought the wedding suit, looks ok. The hair will be chopped this evening before I must attend the visitation for the uncle who died too young. Tests tomorrow at STH, funeral at 2. Not sure about the mix that will be at that funeral but I like people from all walks of life, it's the sister who I believe might be a problem. Mom is not holding up well. I spent most of the day with her yesterday and when I finally got ready to leave she asked me to stay with her. My step-dad is on the outside of this one and mom is unconsolable. Strange thoughts in my head about the denial he's having with her memory loss. Her doctor is not listening to anyone so I'm thinking of setting up an appointment to let him have more facts than my step-dad is willing to give, being in denial. The mix of people at the wedding should be just as bizarre but what a good time I'll have watching and knowing what I know. More fun picking out wedding clothes than I had picking out funeral suit for Uncle Gilbert. I began to think back to childhood, he was a teenager, he stayed with us alot. He was a sweet kid until he went into the military and began to drink. Alcohol isn't good outside of an occasional drink. Changes lives.
BC was in a mood all last week, came in on Tuesday in the same and began to pick me apart. I did the usual, got quiet. Message on Tuesday evening on the voice mail begging forgiveness for being so mean to me. I deleted it, told him the next day that I understood. Yeppers, I understand. Choose the ones who won't fight you to slap. Been there, walked away many times. That's my M.O. I suppose. No fight, long walk away, slowly. I wished for some pillow talk and some arms around me but managed with a good run at the greenway, making my knee sore the next day. I think I need a punching bag, the knee can't take the running. The arms need some help and strength training. M is thinking I should join West Side, G is thinking I should join the Y. Oldest child doesn't want me to join the Y, says it's a meat market. Funny man, the whole f-ing world is a meat market. He'll learn.
M is coming to town on Saturday, not sure of flight time but we'll have fun and go off to the wedding early. She has a room up there too. Step-dad wants me to drive mom's car so the wheels don't dry rot again. Good thing, mine is heavy with miles and has a problem that I cannot afford to fix just yet. I'll be lucky if I can get it fixed in January.
Take care out there.
G'day
I bought the wedding suit, looks ok. The hair will be chopped this evening before I must attend the visitation for the uncle who died too young. Tests tomorrow at STH, funeral at 2. Not sure about the mix that will be at that funeral but I like people from all walks of life, it's the sister who I believe might be a problem. Mom is not holding up well. I spent most of the day with her yesterday and when I finally got ready to leave she asked me to stay with her. My step-dad is on the outside of this one and mom is unconsolable. Strange thoughts in my head about the denial he's having with her memory loss. Her doctor is not listening to anyone so I'm thinking of setting up an appointment to let him have more facts than my step-dad is willing to give, being in denial. The mix of people at the wedding should be just as bizarre but what a good time I'll have watching and knowing what I know. More fun picking out wedding clothes than I had picking out funeral suit for Uncle Gilbert. I began to think back to childhood, he was a teenager, he stayed with us alot. He was a sweet kid until he went into the military and began to drink. Alcohol isn't good outside of an occasional drink. Changes lives.
BC was in a mood all last week, came in on Tuesday in the same and began to pick me apart. I did the usual, got quiet. Message on Tuesday evening on the voice mail begging forgiveness for being so mean to me. I deleted it, told him the next day that I understood. Yeppers, I understand. Choose the ones who won't fight you to slap. Been there, walked away many times. That's my M.O. I suppose. No fight, long walk away, slowly. I wished for some pillow talk and some arms around me but managed with a good run at the greenway, making my knee sore the next day. I think I need a punching bag, the knee can't take the running. The arms need some help and strength training. M is thinking I should join West Side, G is thinking I should join the Y. Oldest child doesn't want me to join the Y, says it's a meat market. Funny man, the whole f-ing world is a meat market. He'll learn.
M is coming to town on Saturday, not sure of flight time but we'll have fun and go off to the wedding early. She has a room up there too. Step-dad wants me to drive mom's car so the wheels don't dry rot again. Good thing, mine is heavy with miles and has a problem that I cannot afford to fix just yet. I'll be lucky if I can get it fixed in January.
Take care out there.
G'day