can't sleep
Just minutes ago...I talked to a friend...Explained all the things needed to be explained. I was not expecting for it to turn out badly but then I think it did. *sigh* I don't know if I actually did the right thing of telling him all of these. It seems that me telling the truth just made the situation worse. Or maybe its just me coz he said he's not mad or irritated at all but how come I don't feel that way. Yes I admit I have done wrong and I am sorry. You know that I really wanted to talk to you about it but I was just too scared to talk with you. Didn't have the courage to do so. Yes, it's weird and ironic coz that was what I used to do. I remember fixing your relationship with someone and before I told you that I was "inis" coz of certain things and happily we settled those differences. I don't understand myself neither. I don't know. This moment, I feel guilty for what I have done wrong. Not because I told you all of these but simply because "nahurt kita". I hope you know how bad I am feeling now after that talk. I can't blame you if you feel that way coz I was wrong. I should have told you all of these earlier so that all of it was fixed right then and there. But I didn't. STUPID KO TALAGA! And now for sure your trust in me is lost. All those kwentos will be gone in the wind. My opinion won't be that important anymore. And I will just be the friend friend not close friend. Okay. I know I am exaggerating but these things keep coming through my mind right now after all that has happened. I don't know why. I feel bad coz its like I got "inis" without valid reasons and clarifications and now I blame myself for all these things. Maybe these are the reasons why I can't sleep and yet I have classes tomorrow. Sometimes too much thinking is bad coz this is what I get. At this moment, I don't really know what to do. I just hope that after all of these things, nothing changes. FEAR.CONFUSED.WORRIED. What should I do? Please Please Please...Tell me what to do...God, please give me the strength to withstand all of these hardships. I need it badly. You know how much I value our friendship. I was really wrong of not telling you this before. Sorry. I should not have made my own ideas of you getting distant. I should have tried my best to understand you. I should have considered other options. I should have been more of a friend to you. Sorry if I disappointed you. Sorry if I was not that honest. Sorry if I did not tell you all of these right away. Sorry if I was not brave enough. I was just afraid coz maybe you won't listen to me or something. Can't stop from these thoughts. I just wish time will fly fast so I get to talk to him tomorrow to clear things but then I don't know how to approach you after all of this...I am ashamed of myself... I hope I hope and I hope...I don't know what might come after this...Just after everything between us was going well again...Now here comes another...=( I don't want to hurt anyone. I am sorry...I admit I was wrong...Please forgive me...