passion
i had my last day of classes today, praise the Lord! I dont know how much longer i can stand this semester. I have a week from tomorrow and then i'm home for Christmas...i honestly cant wait.
After studying for my math test for 15+ hours last week, i still made a "D" on the test. To top it all off my teacher could care less. What happened to having compassionate teachers? What happened to teachers caring about their students?...yeah, i have no idea.
Due to my grade stress i've been eating non-stop. Its terrible. The mass consumption of junk food on my part must be put to an end. I'm not dancing near as much as i used to therefore i should prob. adjust my diet...
before i continue, i must appologize. I'm sorry for the negative tone in all of my recent posts. I'm just trying to adjust. I mean i had a amazing highschool experience and its just really hard to top that. My first year at nesa and isa was hard. I remember missing my middle school friends terribly and coming home and being so unhappy. I think thats how the college transition kind of is. I've heard that your sophomore year is tons better. I'm thinking that next semester will be better as well. I just want this current one to be over and be given a chance to breathe and then start over. I'm taking a voice class next semester so i have a feeling that will help alot and hopefully by the grace of God i will be rushing so that of course will make my college experience a billion times better. Its just right now...things arent great and i'm not just going to pretend like everything is perfect because no one wants to hear the negative. Life isnt always wonderful and thats okay. God never promised an easy road. To try and cover up the fact that your not currently happy and you've actually been much better isnt real and its misleading. I refuse to do that.
i miss compassion.compassionate people, compassionate dreams...i could go on. I think i just miss having passion in general. There is nothing right now i'm passionate about up here. As Mrs.Bianco put it "my inner artist is unhappy." As nutty as that sounds i think she has a point. In highschool i might have been a total nervous wreck waiting to happen. I was always going, always pursuing something, always moving...life was so exciting. I may have been a totally stressed out nutbag (esp.towards the end) but at least i was a passionate totally stressed out nutbag. I feel so not motivated here, its amazing. Christmas break should be filled with passion, i cant wait!
christmas break = dance class!!!! (actual dance class not the "dancing" we've been doing in company), voice class with Mrs.B!!!!, and friends that i love like crazy. friends that i can hug and tackle and they do it right back! gay men!!! gay men that are loud and fun and crazy but oh so loveable..and not to mention other people who will like me embrace and love the gay men not judge them like so many people up here! so much happyness...so much love...so much passion...i cant wait!