warning: open after christmas - not the most uplifting entry.
Unfortunately i dont feel as though its Christmas. Usually Christmas is this month long festive holiday party for me. This year it was a few days of laying around, occational christmas music, Christmas Eve service with my family at my old church and a day of presents, good food and family. I'm just used to going all out for Christmas and this year it just wasnt what it used to be. Not to mention its like 80 degrees outside. We usually always have a fire in the fireplace on Christmas Eve and we all watch a movie together...well not this year. That makes me sad. I didnt even feel right playing Christmas music today because it really didnt feel like Christmas. Boo...
I'm trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that there is a reason i'm not rushing but i cant help but be so negative about it and dread going back to school. I know that happiness is a choice and next semester is what i make of it blah blah blah but it still really stinks. The past few days or so i've sat around not doing a whole lot thinking about how much i dont want to go back to school. Its hard for me to really enjoy my time here because i'm so afraid that next semester is going to suck. I know that if i go in with that attitude then i'm not being very open to anything positive happening yada yada yada but its hard to see the positive when your the only one to blame for your crappy situation. I know its my fault. I should have worked harder. I should have studied more and slept less. Sleep is overrated anyways.
At least this way i get to spend another week here in town with my friends and at least i'll get some dance time at the studio in. Not to mention i'll hopefully get to spend more time at the church and i might even be able to make it up to ISA and NESA again.
Oh well, so what if next semester blows. Thats life i guess. God never promised an easy road. If anything, he says it'll be just the opposite. However, he's the hope and the light thats going to get me through and hopefully help me see the good. Without him i would really be screwed. I'll just bury myself in my school work and get my gpa up so i can for sure rush next year. Its only a few months anyway and if it went as fast as this past semester did then i'll be back home for summer in no time.
Motto for next semeser: Hello school work...Goodbye sleep and social life.
But for now, i'm at least going to try to enjoy myself. There is no point in letting all of this get me down when i'm here with my friends and family having a most wonderful time. I have the rest of next semester to complain about not rushing and how things suck. I'll enjoy the few more weeks of pure bliss i have left!
I'm trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and that there is a reason i'm not rushing but i cant help but be so negative about it and dread going back to school. I know that happiness is a choice and next semester is what i make of it blah blah blah but it still really stinks. The past few days or so i've sat around not doing a whole lot thinking about how much i dont want to go back to school. Its hard for me to really enjoy my time here because i'm so afraid that next semester is going to suck. I know that if i go in with that attitude then i'm not being very open to anything positive happening yada yada yada but its hard to see the positive when your the only one to blame for your crappy situation. I know its my fault. I should have worked harder. I should have studied more and slept less. Sleep is overrated anyways.
At least this way i get to spend another week here in town with my friends and at least i'll get some dance time at the studio in. Not to mention i'll hopefully get to spend more time at the church and i might even be able to make it up to ISA and NESA again.
Oh well, so what if next semester blows. Thats life i guess. God never promised an easy road. If anything, he says it'll be just the opposite. However, he's the hope and the light thats going to get me through and hopefully help me see the good. Without him i would really be screwed. I'll just bury myself in my school work and get my gpa up so i can for sure rush next year. Its only a few months anyway and if it went as fast as this past semester did then i'll be back home for summer in no time.
Motto for next semeser: Hello school work...Goodbye sleep and social life.
But for now, i'm at least going to try to enjoy myself. There is no point in letting all of this get me down when i'm here with my friends and family having a most wonderful time. I have the rest of next semester to complain about not rushing and how things suck. I'll enjoy the few more weeks of pure bliss i have left!