UGH... Running on vapors...
I've been up for over 36 hours straight. Blegh. But I got a lot accomplished, namely, got all of my homework done that was due today, save for the last two problems (out of maybe over 70 or so.. psh!), and I got info from pops for financial aid, and learned that it's actually due March 2nd. I must have put it into my mind a while ago that it was actually due the 24th... I was practically convinced it was due before midnight Friday, but then I look on the school financial aid webpage and nope, it's March 2nd. So definitely a relief.
I felt good about today. It reminded me of something someone said about "sweet pain", that even though, take today as an example, it really fucking hurt my body to take in a venti espresso (with dark chocolate and caramel to sweeten the poison) after an hour and a half long bus ride coming back from my 3 hour long class on Wednesday night to stay up for 10 hours in the morning doing nothing but math problems, and continuing to stay up to ride the bus back to school for an hour, make it to class, turn in my homework, take the quiz, stay through lecture, go back home, ride my bike back around campus to run errands, and only really resting for maybe a grand total of 1 hour somewhere in between all of that (it's amazing how much time all these random things take), the pain feels good. It's "sweet" pain because the pain is from all the hard work you put in just to taste a few licks of some sweet success. It feels good to know that I really committed myself to making it work. I really hope I keep it up for the rest of the semester, and the rest of my undergraduate education, and the rest of my life.
I mean, I don't want to kill myself with sleep deprivation. It's more the intense focus I've been having on accomplishing goals that I want to keep. For such a long time my brain's been mush, not being able to concentrate at all. I feel like I'm in highschool again though right now, where I just zero in on things like nothing. It feels great. I really hope that this will keep up!
At a falafel hut near the school (SMC) Wednesday, where I was eating a gigantic lamb gyro, some guy starts chatting it up with me. He's from Mexico City but I wasn't perfectly sure what his ethnicity was until he said where he was from because he had dark tan skin with blue hazel eyes. I was thinking Persian until he walked in and proclaimed, "they serve lamb in a Mexican restaurant?" while looking at my food. Ha ha ha.. Yeah. Definitely not from the Middle East if he thinks falafel is Mexican. (Although, it's not -too- far off, at least, from some Carribean food..)
But I mention him because he keeps staring at me putting this monster of a gyro away and says, "I'm sorry but I just love watching you eat. Maybe that sounds weird, but in Mexico, when a woman has an appetite, it means she has a good heart. You know, lots of women will just eat lettuce and they seem just as flakey.. It's good to see a girl eat."
But the best thing he said was when we were talking about, gosh I can't even really remember how it came up, I think I just mentioned my history with college and how I'm out here trying to get my edumacation, but he ended up asking me this question: "How are you so strong?"
And I just sat there, and thought... I didn't really know how to answer at first, probably because I think it's just human nature to take your own qualities for granted, but immediately I told him, "It's because I love my family too much to give up."
And it's true. Why else should I care? I want to be there for them. Especially my parents.
I heard the worst thing from my dad when we were going over the numbers today though. It really made me want my degree even more so I can get that good job and treat my parents like the royalty they are.
[Dad's shuffling through papers, sighing] "...auughh, I wish... *sigh*..."
"Aw Dad, don't worry about it... it'll work out. You don't have to have all the exact numbers just a good guess. Don't worry about it."
"No honey, it's not that, I'm not worried. ...I just wish I didn't have to work anymore. But I have to..." [*trails off into more shuffling*]
I kept thinking about that all day. I wish he didn't have to work anymore either. He's going to be 61 this year. He doesn't look his age at all, he looks maybe in his late 40s, the oldest. I don't even believe that number when I see it on the screen. I can't believe how much energy this man has still. He's just as stubborn as I am, and obviously that's where I get it from :-)
Man I can't wait till I land that sweet job after I graduate... well, I guess I -can- wait, if only to really savour college life like I should have. In a sense I'm getting a second chance *crosses fingers* to do things the way I would have liked to do them at USC. I hope it turns out beautifully.
I promised my Dad a brand new Cadillac once I got a sweet job, but I know he's always wanted a Winnebago to go traveling with... I'd love to take my parents out on a cruise, we've never been...
I just gotta keep in mind that hard work pays off. Sweet pain!
I felt good about today. It reminded me of something someone said about "sweet pain", that even though, take today as an example, it really fucking hurt my body to take in a venti espresso (with dark chocolate and caramel to sweeten the poison) after an hour and a half long bus ride coming back from my 3 hour long class on Wednesday night to stay up for 10 hours in the morning doing nothing but math problems, and continuing to stay up to ride the bus back to school for an hour, make it to class, turn in my homework, take the quiz, stay through lecture, go back home, ride my bike back around campus to run errands, and only really resting for maybe a grand total of 1 hour somewhere in between all of that (it's amazing how much time all these random things take), the pain feels good. It's "sweet" pain because the pain is from all the hard work you put in just to taste a few licks of some sweet success. It feels good to know that I really committed myself to making it work. I really hope I keep it up for the rest of the semester, and the rest of my undergraduate education, and the rest of my life.
I mean, I don't want to kill myself with sleep deprivation. It's more the intense focus I've been having on accomplishing goals that I want to keep. For such a long time my brain's been mush, not being able to concentrate at all. I feel like I'm in highschool again though right now, where I just zero in on things like nothing. It feels great. I really hope that this will keep up!
At a falafel hut near the school (SMC) Wednesday, where I was eating a gigantic lamb gyro, some guy starts chatting it up with me. He's from Mexico City but I wasn't perfectly sure what his ethnicity was until he said where he was from because he had dark tan skin with blue hazel eyes. I was thinking Persian until he walked in and proclaimed, "they serve lamb in a Mexican restaurant?" while looking at my food. Ha ha ha.. Yeah. Definitely not from the Middle East if he thinks falafel is Mexican. (Although, it's not -too- far off, at least, from some Carribean food..)
But I mention him because he keeps staring at me putting this monster of a gyro away and says, "I'm sorry but I just love watching you eat. Maybe that sounds weird, but in Mexico, when a woman has an appetite, it means she has a good heart. You know, lots of women will just eat lettuce and they seem just as flakey.. It's good to see a girl eat."
But the best thing he said was when we were talking about, gosh I can't even really remember how it came up, I think I just mentioned my history with college and how I'm out here trying to get my edumacation, but he ended up asking me this question: "How are you so strong?"
And I just sat there, and thought... I didn't really know how to answer at first, probably because I think it's just human nature to take your own qualities for granted, but immediately I told him, "It's because I love my family too much to give up."
And it's true. Why else should I care? I want to be there for them. Especially my parents.
I heard the worst thing from my dad when we were going over the numbers today though. It really made me want my degree even more so I can get that good job and treat my parents like the royalty they are.
[Dad's shuffling through papers, sighing] "...auughh, I wish... *sigh*..."
"Aw Dad, don't worry about it... it'll work out. You don't have to have all the exact numbers just a good guess. Don't worry about it."
"No honey, it's not that, I'm not worried. ...I just wish I didn't have to work anymore. But I have to..." [*trails off into more shuffling*]
I kept thinking about that all day. I wish he didn't have to work anymore either. He's going to be 61 this year. He doesn't look his age at all, he looks maybe in his late 40s, the oldest. I don't even believe that number when I see it on the screen. I can't believe how much energy this man has still. He's just as stubborn as I am, and obviously that's where I get it from :-)
Man I can't wait till I land that sweet job after I graduate... well, I guess I -can- wait, if only to really savour college life like I should have. In a sense I'm getting a second chance *crosses fingers* to do things the way I would have liked to do them at USC. I hope it turns out beautifully.
I promised my Dad a brand new Cadillac once I got a sweet job, but I know he's always wanted a Winnebago to go traveling with... I'd love to take my parents out on a cruise, we've never been...
I just gotta keep in mind that hard work pays off. Sweet pain!