LITTLE MISS MARY, Part Twenty-Two
*raises twitching hand* I - I live - and I bring with me -
Nergal the Sane: I’m retiring.
…*SNERK* Yeah, RIGHT.
Roy: Would it kill the TRC characters to reappear?
Oh, Roy, you enjoyed being chased around by Syaoran? :D Right away, then.
Roy: No, no, we’ll sp-
Nergal the Insane: You traitorous little… *lunges for him*
Nergal the Sane: *cradles face in hands* I need bleeprin. No, that would damage brain cells. But…
Ninis: *hugs him and looks ahead at fic* …Dress-ups… Actually…
FINE, fine, we bring back the TRC cast for this. Happy?
EYEBALLS!
>D Be careful what you wish for, my sporkers…
Disclaimer: Nintendo and Intelligent Systems own Fire Emblem and thus the Nergals and Ninis. I own Elbe. CLAMP owns Kurogane, Fai (T!Fai), Yuui (Y!Fai), and Syaoran. JKR owns Harry Potter, the fic belongs to Athea, and my rapidly fading sanity belongs to Deleterius. :D The (/deadpan) notation belongs to HalfLight. :D
I apologize for low quality of first part of spork - you can tell at which point I took a break, went out, and got dinner due to the marked improvement of the part after that. |D It’s also the point where Kurogane and Y!Fai get down to business. |D
EDITED to add "cock" jokes.
BEGIN SPORK
Kurogane: …Damn. Trapped again?
T!Fai: …Do you have any idea what to do?
Y!Fai: Close our eyes and pretend it’s not there? :D
He paused, the way he always does when I say that.
Y!Fai: Hmm, that writing looks as bad as -
T!Fai: *clings to him* Do not say the name!
*between worlds… a Doomcrotch stirs*
He was still not sure I knew what I really wanted
Kurogane: (Harry) But of course, I knew best, even though I’m a halfwit.
but he'd learn that when I set my mind to something, I always followed through.
T!Fai: *morose tone* In the authorial voice, that means this fic is going to go on… and on… and on, doesn’t it?
Guardian’s Song: :D Of course, the important part for the sporkers is that I’m going to do ALL of this fic, sooner or later.
T!Fai: *slumps, moans, and cuddles his twin*
Y!Fai: *frightened cuddle* The fic is scary, Kuro-sama… I’ll cheer you on! Wheet! :D
Kuro-sama: Why do you think I’ll spork this alone?!
Guardian’s Song: Because Kuro-sama is a sucker for his seme uke boyfriend? :D
Kuro-sama: I heard that!
I could hardly wait. The baker's assistant was also her daughter
Guardian’s Song: Is it a bad sign that, as my mind skipped over that, “also her daughter” made me look back, since I was worried that it was a sentence of the form “his wife is also his sister”? :D
and she was pregnant at almost eight months along.
Y!Fai: Wait, is she almost-eight-months-pregnant, or is she pregnant at almost eight months along something else?
We'd become friends and she was very kind when she answered my shy questions.
Y!Fai: (Harry) *giggling* *fluttering eyelashes* Ooh, my Uncle John touches me in my naughty place and it feels good. Why does it do that?
Kuro-sama: (Baker’s Daughter) … Uh, Mary… I’ll - I’ll tell you in a moment. First, though, I have to go to the bathroom to throw up.
Y!Fai: (Harry) Ooh, is that the morning sickness I’ve heard of? Uncle John told me about it, but I think it will be worth having his babies, don’t you? *giggles*
Kuro-sama: (Baker’s Daughter) …*runs to bathroom* *after throwing up* Hello? Child Abuse Hotline? I have a case to report…
She was really big in front and she complained about having to go to the bathroom all the time but she sounded pretty contented when she said it.
Guardian’s Song: Ah, the Serene And Content Pregnant Woman. …I don’t know if it’s a real phenomenon, but it just rubs me the wrong way. “Ah, aren’t wimmin CONTENT to be pregnant and in the kitchen? Such a beautiful picture of domestic tranquility!” …Or it might just be its context in this fic that makes me feel that way. I usually deal with (and enjoy) the Perfect Family quite well in fiction… then again, ANYTHING in this fic is tinged with… context.
Her husband delivered their baked goods all over town and he treated her like fine china when they were together. *LITERALLY SHAKES WITH RAGE* C’mon, Guardian’s Song, it’s just because she’s heavily pregnant, not because she’s female… quite understandable… They were really sweet and a little ache settled inside of me whenever I saw them.
Guardian’s Song: *finishes hissing and snarling* All right. Normally, I’d say “AWWWWWWWW, how cute!” to the average contented family. However, since it’s obvious that this is the Foreshadowing For Harry & Snape’s Future Happiness, it pisses me off. Thank you, and back to the spork.
I wanted that feeling and closeness.
Y!Fai: *glomps Kurogane*
T!Fai: *glomps his twin*
Kuro-sama: *is only pretending to be annoyed about his current position*
I wanted to be planning for giving life instead of death.
Kuro-sama: *facepalm* This contains MPreg, doesn’t it?
T!Fai: The joys of carrying large parasites in your intestines which only turn into sickly-sweet animal-like Stu children and never actually grow into real characters, yes. *shudders*
But if I had to kill Voldemort then I would.
Kuro-sama: Because he’s a bastard who’s making life miserable for everyone in Wizarding England?
He was in the way of our having a safe future
Kuro-sama: “OUR having a safe future”?! Try to think about someone other than yourself, you soulless-
Y!Fai: Calm down, Kuro-rin! :D It’s only badfic!
T!Fai: …Until somebody’s intestines become infested.
in a country where we could raise our family.
T!Fai: And what becomes of those who don’t approve of the Boy-Who-Lived being manipulated by a child-molester who has repeatedly stated that he will have Harry no matter what?
Y!Fai: *nervous laughter* I don’t think they’ll live… very… long… *hysterical laughter and sobs*
Guardian’s Song: …That reminds me, Ginny isn’t even mentioned in this fic. You think that indicates something?
I wanted a lot of kids, kind of like the Weasleys. …Although you’re barely more than a child yourself, a very young child mentally, and you won’t be able to stand up to the little tots whenever one wants something NOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111? Breeder. (Note: Molly Weasley shows herself perfectly capable of taking care of her children. Harry-Mary shows himself perfectly incapable of taking care of himself. That’s the difference.) I just wasn't going to tell Sev that yet.
"Sweetheart, stand up for me so I can shave you." Sev's voice brought me out of my trance
Y!Fai: -of VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOID. *waggles fingers*
Kuro-rin: Don’t remind me about the disgrace to all ninjas…
and I scrambled to my feet. I loved the shaving spell and often practiced it on Sev's face in the morning Do us a favor and use it EVERYWHERE on him - or at least until he stops looking like an ape. but he liked to use it on me all over and that always felt so good I didn't mind at all.
Y!Fai: How odd. *smiles* That’s the first time to my knowledge that a stereotypical “uke” in slash has been bald. *laughs and flaps hand*
A few muttered words and I felt my skin tingle everywhere. Now the silk would feel even better on my skin. I loved going to church on Sunday because I got to wear my garter belt and stockings and my prettiest green dress. I felt as pretty as the princess, Don’t go into the light, little comma! *runs after it* Uncle John named me. All the old ladies of the parish ooh-ed and aah-ed over me COMMA! and to tell the truth COMMA! There, there, little Comma Twins… Elbe loves you. *cuddles them* it felt pretty good.
But not as good as what we did when we came home.
"Out we go, Kitten I’M the Big Kitty! Leave my nickname alone! *pouts*. You've got another present to put on." Sev knelt up
T!Fai: Um… what does that mean?
Y!Fai: …I have no idea. Kuro-tan?
Kuro-tan: …*grabs Mokona* Are you malfunctioning?
Mokona’s translation abilities are fine, but Mokona can’t leave…
Guardian’s Song: =D What a funny coincidence! This is the once-in-a-lifetime need to recharge Mokona, and it happens to fall just as you’re sporking! In other words, you won’t be able to escape until you’re through with the sporking job. =D How odd!
T!Fai: …*looks at Y!Fai* …Luck?
Y!Fai: …*looks at T!Fai* …Luck…
and kissed my cock BAWK-BAWK-BAWK! :D before standing up the rest of the way.
"Oh good," I dried myself hurriedly and followed him into my newly decorated room. In case we ever had company who asked to use the bathroom and got snoopy HAAAAAAAAAANG on Sloopy/ Sloopy hang on, we had turned the former blue bedroom into the prettiest room in the house. My bed was now a white canopy with rose-pink gauze hanging from the railings like soft clouds. The bedding was soft damask in shades of rose with white lace pillow shams at the head.
Y!Fai: *flaps hand* Pink is soooooo out of style in Harry Potter! It’s so Umbridge. *grin*
I even had a beautiful doll who wore a dress identical to my green one who sat at the head of my bed to watch over me while I slept.
T!Fai: *creepy stare*
Y!Fai: *is using Kurogane as a pillow* …Fai, do you mind? I’m trying to sleep… and you’re… um…
T!Fai: *CREEPY STARE*
Of course, I didn't sleep here but we had lain here once and made love so I knew if I had to I could. SHOW, Don’t - ohgadohgad what fic am I TALKING about?! Tell! Tell! Tell! D: But for now, I gazed expectantly at my grinning lover and wondered what my new outfit was going to be like.
He got out a shopping bag with the name of a store I'd never heard of before on it and pulled out a little scrap of red silk. "These are a new style so let's see how they feel on."
He held them out and I stepped into them, wondering where all the material had gone. Suddenly, I saw that the front was a pouch that my cock slid into
Kuro-tan: And what happened to his balls?
*silence from both Fais*
Y!Fai: *slowly* This… creature has… balls?
Kuro-tan: …Never mind.
and the tiny straps came up over my hips while the narrow back eased between my arse cheeks. "It's called a thong and I think you look absolutely delectable in them."
I blushed and wiggled a little. "The strap up my crack feels weird but kind of good and the silk sheath feels almost as good as you do when I'm inside you."
That got me a hard kiss and a gentle stroke to my cock BAWK-BAWK-BAWK! before he pushed me onto the bed so he could roll up the cobweb Hyphen! like silk stockings. They felt wonderful and when he slid the pink garter belt up to hold them, I trembled a little. I love the way they cling to me. Wasn’t there a… never mind, Kurogane-san wouldn’t be too happy to learn about that one from clamp_badfic… What one? Exactly my point. He kissed the end of my cock COCKLE-DOODLE-DOO! … I need to have variation every now and then! :D
T!Fai: Does he ever kiss anything else?
Y!Fai: Let’s hide from the badfic with Kuro-sama. *hugs Kurogane* Come on, Kuro-chan, let’s -
*AHEM*
while he snapped them in place then he helped me stand and pulled out something else red.
{snip description of dress}
I could hardly wait to try it on. Severus held it out and showed me where to slide my hands first. It closed around me like a second skin
Y!Fai: (Dress) *SLURRRRRRRRRRP*
and the cups had fur inside of them that made me tingle all over when he started fastening the hooks up in the back. I'd never be able to get them undone on my own You pathetic little shit, women manage it every day. and that made my heart beat faster for some reason. I liked it when I was at his mercy. I got to be weak a little instead of being always strong and ready to fight.
T!Fai: …But this Harry is never strong and ready to fight.
Y!Fai: *sighs* *sad smile* Canon is gone…
I'd been fighting all my life
Kuro-chan: During Philosopher’s Stone?
and it felt good not to have to.
T!Fai: But he could do that by just relaxing in safety instead of -
Y!Fai: Yes, Fai, but -
*LOUD CRASH*
Y!Fai: *glances around wildly* What was that?
T!Fai: *walks over to corpse on the ground* It - it was Canon… *cries*
The cups closed over my small breasts
Kuro-chan: He doesn’t have breasts. He’s male. …*watches both Fais start laughing hysterically and sob into each other’s hair* …He was male.
and when Sev whispered something, the fur began to vibrate against my nipples. "Oh-h-h-h-h, that feels good. I love it, Sev."
He chuckled and swept my hair to one side so he could kiss that hot spot behind my ear.
Thorn: And the Stu’s lips burned off, and he died. The End.
********* Severus *********
He purred for me like the kitten I called him Leave my nickname alone! *hisses and raises back* …Uh… Yuui…. "Sweetheart, how does it feel everywhere else?"
He wiggled a little and stood away from me so he could move freely. "I like it. It fits tightly but I can still twist and turn *all* ARGH! No more squirming!." He ruffled his skirt and all the petticoats. "I really like my skirt. I bet it will feel really good when I sit on your lap. The thong is teasing me and I'm already leaking a bit into the pouch.
Kuro-chan: Now he’s not even toilet-trained?
Y!Fai: Ah, Kuro-woof-woof? That’s…not urine.
Kuro-woof-woof: …Urgh.
But my nipples feel wonderful. I wonder if we could spell fur into all my bras?"
Chuckling, I pulled him close and ran my hands up under his petticoats to cup those taut cheeks of his. "I think we could do that, Harry. I've never met anyone who likes their nipples teased so much.
Pod!Legolas from Prisoner of Imladris: Ooh! Me! Me! *jumps up and down with hand in the air*
I truthfully think your breasts are changing, sweetheart. Our babies are going to enjoy nursing from you."
T!Fai: This isn’t slash!
Y!Fai: …Ah, Fai, did you just notice this? *laughs*
He smiled all over and hopped up onto my leg so he could rock back and forth. "They'll like it but I will, too. I won't want to wean them so long as I can feed them. But I'll always love it when you suckle the best. Even if I'm not pregnant, maybe I'll still create milk for you."
Guardian’s Song: *chokes back abrupt feelings of nausea*
I slipped two fingers under the thong and into his loosened hole. He was absolutely addicting and my cock BAWK-BAWK-BAWK! :D had never been so happy.
Y!Fai: (Cock) =D
Kissing him was always new and exciting so we did it all the time. Hogwarts was going to be absolute hell if I had to completely keep my hands off of him.
Kuro-woof-woof: That’s absurd - he can’t have a hard-on for Harry all the time -
Y!Fai: Well, I have one for Kuro-rin right now. :D Shall we take a break from the fic, Kuro-tan? *lecherous grin*
T!Fai: *stares* *…watches*
Guardian’s Song: No, boys, you know as well as I do that if I let you quit sporking while you have sex, you’d never go back. :D
Y!Fai: *is already undoing Kurogane’s pants* Must not think of fic, must not think of fic…
At this point, I must scream something to the skies.
Oh GAD, at this point, the fic is BORRRRRRRRRRING! Like DRACO SINISTER!
…Sorry.
"Oh, Sev, more, my legs are tingling." He squirmed to get better friction on his cock but I moved him off my lap completely and watched him pout.
Y!Fai: Ah, if you pushed him onto the floor, wouldn’t he do more than pout? *is having no trouble staying on Kurogane’s lap*
Kuro-rin: *deep sigh of pleasure*
{snip Harry getting stiletto heels}
"Oooo-oo, Sev, they're beautiful." He sighed happily and I helped him put them on. The first two steps were awkward while he found his balance but when he did, his walk turned into that swivel-hipped stride He’s Elvis?! that turned my knees to spaghetti.
Kuro-rin: …Only your knees?
Turning back to me, he put his hands on his hips and wiggled Studies show that every sporker who has sporked more than one section of this fic hates that word. a little. Then he was in my arms, kissing my face over and over.
Laughing, we walked down the stairs to the lounge
Y!Fai: In his arms the entire time? Isn’t that a bit overdoing it?
Guardian’s Song: Well, um, it’s not in some cases. Like, say, after you’ve gotten your eyeball gouged out and eaten.
T!Fai: What in the world inspired you to think of that example?
Syaoran: EYEBALLS!
Guardian’s Song: Oh… canon.
so he could open the rest of his presents. I'd informed Dumbledore of his safety two weeks before and his friends had sent his gifts to a safe house where I picked them up.
Kuro-rin: And none of them demanded that Harry be sent to that safe house so he could be picked up? This plot is falling apart as we speak. *pokes fic with Souhi*
I'd refused to bring him in until we had to start school and he'd instantly agreed to let him have this summer free.
Y!Fai: Why wasn’t Dumbledore highly suspicious of Snape refusing to bring Harry in? For all he knows, Snape has defected to Voldemort FOR SRS and has actually turned Harry over to Voldemort, while he lies so that Voldemort can get his fangs into the Wizarding World before revealing his ultimate victory. Snape is a master Occulumens.
Kuro-rin: That, at least, would have some plot.
Y!Fai: *pokes him* Kuro-tan is silly! :D …*privately agrees*
I wondered if he knew of Harry and mine's transformation. If he did, perhaps he'd run
T!Fai: (Snape) A spork through our chests. We want to die… but first… we want somebody to save canon… *gazes at corpse of Canon sadly*
interference for us and give us chances to reconnect. If not, Harry was just going to have to be assigned lots of detentions. I was looking forward to the first one and the enactment of our fantasy on my potions desk.
Y!Fai: *glumly takes out list labeled “Sexual positions” and crosses out “Being bent over a desk by Kuro-pii” and “Bending Kuro-woof-woof over a desk :D”*
Kuro-woof-woof: *attempts to look at list* What was that second one?
Y!Fai: Nothing, Kuro-chan! :D
What I was not looking forward to was the need to keep this relationship secret. Harry was going to find it hard to prevaricate to his friends and the first time I was harsh with him it was going to hurt.
And I hated hurting him. There were going to be many long and sleepless nights without him by my side.
Kuro-chan: You have a left hand for a reas- *moans*
Y!Fai: |D And I have a right hand for a reason, Kuro-tan. :D I think Kuro-rin liked that one…
T!Fai: *staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare*
Our lessons would still be needed although we'd been working on them since the wards strengthened. He'd learned Occulumency and Legilimans Legilimency - would it be so terrible for the fic authors to know whether there’s an “a” or not in the - Mmph. Ooh, Kuro-pii is in a gooooood mood… :D within the last three weeks and he'd soaked up each lesson like a sponge. He was determined to fulfill the prophecy so we could get back to living our lives.
Kuro-pii: It doesn’t matter at all about the Muggleborns and Muggles suffering due to Voldemort. Just that Voldemort is getting in the way of the molestation. (/deadpan)
He was really single-minded about getting pregnant. His reading hadn't slowed him down at all. The side effects - the bloating, sore muscles, hormone driven mood swings, cravings, intestinal parasites that will turn into Stu babies, and all the others simply didn't faze him. He looked at the pictures of a woman at each stage of development and stroked his stomach with a smile. Had I influenced him too much with the girls clothing at the beginning of this charade?
Guardian’s Song: Kk… kk… kk… kk… GRRRRRRRRRRRAAGHH!
I didn’t actually believe there was such a thing as a “pregnancy fetish” before this fic. I thought “Eh, they’re just accusing poor innocents like me who just want to make the canon characters have babies so that we can watch the cute widdle kids grow up”. But no, there are people who are REALLY FUCKING OBSESSED WITH PREGNANCY! And it’s REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING! This is nothing short of a FETISH. REALLY. I mean, it’s sickening. Pregnancy is mystical and wonderful blah bla blah, but it’s obvious that here, even children aren’t the object, it’s pregnancy in and of itself and BABIES. In fact - spoilers? - the fic ends right after Harry gives birth. The author isn’t interested in actually dealing with the kids, just with the ideal of BABIES and PREGNANCY. GAH! It’s really - really just - I lack the words, all right? Real Life is slightly (highly, to be honest -_-;;) more complicated than usual right now, and it’s Spring Break, so my mind is turned off and I don’t have the words. (Or, for that matter, the usual rage. My temper has been getting a lot of exercise and I’m not as stressed as usual. -_-;;) So, I will only say this:
Childfree communities, I apologize for all the times in the past when I have even thought that you were going overboard with all the abrasive comments about “breeders”. They exist, all right. And they are REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING.
"Sev, what's wrong?" Harry's small hand stroked my cheek and I realized we were snuggled on the rug in front of the crackling fire with a pile of unwrapped gifts to one side of us.
"Nothing's really wrong, sweetheart." I decided to ask him. "If I hadn't disguised you as a little girl two months ago, would you still be so determined to grow women's parts?"
*all* NO.
He curled in my arms with one hand rubbing his right breast He does not have breasts. He… he doesn’t, right? :D Both of you are in denial. *glomps* I want to join you. *at this point, the spork was temporarily derailed while Guardian’s Song grinned at the awkward picture* *spork resumes*
absentmindedly. "I'm pretty sure I would, Sev. You wouldn’t. You’re rembering canon. I've always wanted a big family but couldn't really picture what it would take to get one. Marry a Weasley! :D Wearing girl's clothes felt so free They’re drafty. and being a little girl in public was so much fun that I decided to never give it up. *INCOHERENT SCREECH* If you don’t understand at first glane what’s wrong with that sentence, try these - “Being Asian in public was so much fun” or “Being Black in public was so much fun”. Condescending, much? Then when I found out what making love meant, I really, really wanted you inside of me."
He stopped there while we kissed for a long moment, his hands unbuttoning my shirt so he could bury his fingers in my chest hair.
Kuro-pii: How much hair does Snape have?
Y!Fai: *lifts Kurogane’s shirt* I don’t think even Kuro-rin has that much hair on his chest… :D Let’s look lower. *undoes Kurogane’s pants*
T!Fai: *is wondering whether he’s too close for comfort… or in an ideal position*
He wasn't the only one who liked his nipples played with and he'd discovered pretty early on he could make me melt with a good pinch or two. Not even women are that sensitive. And why does all badfic have a nipple fetish? I mean, here, Prisoner of Imladris, and Hogwarts Exposed - NIPPLES! …And here, we have pod!Madame Hooch from Hogwarts Exposed, who once bit off pod!Hermione’s nipple - EYEBA - MOMMY! *glomps* O_o …What a touching reunion. When we stopped to breathe, he was straddling my lap with his hands on my shoulders.
Y!Fai: …Fine, now we have to change positions so that we’re not imitating the badfic. *sigh*
Kuro-pii: Where did the spork captain put the lube?
T!Fai: …And what do I do now?
"It just feels right to be the one who wants to carry our Stu intestinal parasites babies inside of me. My mother gave life to me twice; COLON! …I never thought I’d say that after DH. XD once when she gave birth and secondly when she turned the killing curse aside with my scar.
T!Fai: The last part of that sentence is inaccurate… oh, here’s the lube. *turns around* What in the -
Y!Fai: *cheerfully* Oh, you didn’t think Kuro-tan was always on top, did you? Please pass the lube.
Kuro-tan: …*currently has his legs hooked over Y!Fai’s shoulders* Psychotic mage…
I want to make sure our children always have two parents." He got that determined look on his face I was becoming so familiar with. "If people get upset because that's what I want, then to hell with them. No, it’s because it’s what the STUTHOR wants. Fight the power, Harry! …Oh hell, since when did post-OOTP!Harry have wants that weren’t ultimately FTGG? |P It’s just a different author. I've spent my whole life doing what other people want, SEMICOLON! once Voldemort is taken care of, it's time for me to do what I want to."
"I love you, Harry Potter." I kissed him gently, leaning my forehead against his. "We will find a way for you to do exactly what you want. I'll support you completely. This will always be our home. I've told the Vicar's wife that you were adopted by my sister and her husband as a baby and I couldn't love you more if you were blood related."
T!Fai: So it’s still emotionally incest. *sighs*
"Clever Sev," he beamed at me and wiggled Enough of that wor- OW! I can’t aim if you yell at the wrong moment! …Are you all right, Kuro-chan? O_< I think I’ll maintain my virginity for a bit longer. over my robeHYPHENcovered Naturally, it’s incredibly relevant that you have your robe on. groin. "That way we can slowly change our relationship to one where we get
married and start a family. I love the way you think ahead. I wish the author didn’t plan ahead and show that she’d thought this out. Oh good, *thrusts* I got it right this time! :D *groans* you've got another present for me."
I growled at him GROWL LIKE A BITCH, KURO-WOOF-WO - …Um. Oops. :D …Did I drown out a few lines of fic? …Fai? *snaps out of trance after a few seconds* *quickly wipes away drool* Um… the readers don’t mind… His cock BAWK-BAWK - Ohhhh yes… :D was hard and leaking through the silk pouch …He should get that checked out. and my fingers wrapped around him to give him something to slide through.
He purred Ha… yes - Ahem. I’M the Big Kitty. and leaned down to lick my nipples into peaking for him. I murmured the spell again and the fur vibrated a little harder against his breasts. Ugh… ah… He does not have - unh - breasts. He moaned and licked his lips while his eyes half-closed in sensual enjoyment. The fire behind him crackled and I felt my cock BAWK-BAWK-BAWK! … hardening between his legs. It always felt new when we started making love even after two months.
Y!Fai: *pauses* He only gets hard now? So why was Harry having a severe case of seminal incontinence?
T!Fai: Well, Snape is older…
Kuro-chan: …Too realistic for this fic. And start thrusting again already!
Our bodies slid together then apart while hands EYEBALLS! stroked and pinched all the hot spots and caught on fire - they were too stupid to extinguish it, and so ran around with their hands on fire, and died of terminal stupidity. we'd discovered over the weeks we'd been together. He had slithered down to my groin SALMM. - Snakes Against Little Miss Mary. Ah - I’ll gladly join KALMM! :D (Kitties Against Little Miss Mary) I see a wonderful market for these organizations! SPALMM (SPorkers Against Little Miss Mary), PALMM (Pokéfans Against Little Miss Mary), CCALMM (Canon Characters Against Little Miss Mary)… infinite combinations! Oh, yes, and how could I forget. WALMM (Women against Little Miss Mary). and was languidly stroking my cock BAWK-BAWK-BAWK! …*moans* while cat-licking KALMM! around the flared crown. That sounds like a really, really bad fantasy title. “The Flar’d Crown”. Only Harry Lily badfic could get me so hard so quickly.
"Inside me again, Sev," he panted and knelt up That’s twice now she’s used that phrase, and I’m still not sure what it means. between my legs, running his hands up under his own skirt. "I'm all wet The Top Badfic Sign you *moans* may actually be *groans* a girl with a penis - why do you get to *MOANS* stop thrusting *moans* to comment?! Because I’m on top? *perverted grin* and leaking. I want you to pull down my thong and use that new lubricant you created for me. I want you to take me hard while I'm wearing my new dress. I want you to stop talking as if you’re obviously having bad phone sex or IM sex. Maybe you could bring in the big mirror like you did in the kitchen? I liked watching us make love earlier."
T!Fai: …It’s just watching yourself have sex if you watch your twin brother having sex, it’s not perverted at all… *is currently bright red*
Y!Fai: …Fai?
T!Fai: …It’s nothing… *wipes away drool*
I chuckled but spelled the hand mirror into the room and enlarged it. "Are you sure, birthday princess? You could take me this time."
"Tomorrow, Sev, I'd like that tomorrow but tonight I want you in me again. I'm still tender so it will feel even more intense when you slide through my hole. …I hope he meant “slide into” - ah! Kuro-tan! …Impressive muscle strength! :D Well, someone has to move. *is trying to deal with lack of blood flow to brain* *no, it’s not flowing to his nose |D*" He pulled the jar of lubricant to us with a wordless spell that would surprise anyone who still thought he was a neophyte.
T!Fai: Ah, canon, we knew you well…
I shed my robe and positioned him on all fours in front of the fire and shoved him in. Ding-dong, the Stu is dead… but far enough away he wouldn't get too hot. Licking his entrance, I rimmed him Because nothing is sexier than putting your mouth where things are excreted. Am I the only one in the world who still cares for sanita - oh, wow, look at what Yuui’s doing with his hands and mouth … *is mesmerized* *groans loudly* until he was begging for my cock. I lubed him quickly and set my cock BAWK-BAWK-BAWK! …Fai? Um, well, since your were busy, Yuui… to his hole before pushing inside. He groaned and arched back against me to get me inside quicker.
"You're always in such a hurry, sweetheart. One of these days I'm going to tie you to the bed and gag you so I no longer have to listen to you expressing your desire for Stu intestinal parasites can take my time and you aren’t driving you me insane and you I WILL won't be able to stop you me." I slowly slid deep and watched his ruffles frame my groin in the big mirror.
"Oh that would be so good," he moaned and wiggled around me. "What would be even better is if you tied me up on the altar and took your time while I got hotter and hotter until I exploded all over it. Sounds great to me! …Oh, he meant it metaphorically? Damn. The wards would really like that since it loves THEY LOVE - am I the only one who still cares for grammar?! everything we do together."
I started stroking in and out while he bit his lip and watched avidly while we moved together in front of the glass. "There's a hook over the altar, I could just tie you up and suspend you from it and enter you from behind like this so you spray all over the altar when you come."
Guardian’s Song: *dies laughing at image of Harry and Snape swinging around on hook and attempting to have sex*
He hiccupped and moaned while pushing back. "Deeper, Sev, I want to feel you in my throat.
Y!Fai: …*stops* Well, there went my sex drive.
Kuro-chan: Right before climax?!
Y!Fai: Do you still have any sex drive after that comment?
Kuro-chan: *glances at it* …Not really. *hmph*
T!Fai: B-but… The sex… Uh, well, I suppose I could… *takes fortifying swig of bleeprin* *jumps on them*
FAI?!
…He isn’t the sane one after all…
Uh… Yuui… I assure you I have a good reason for - MMPH!
The spork is concluded for now… *curtains fall* Meanwhile, I will be watching the threesome. |D
*thinking* One twin = great sex. Two twins… *mentally grins*
So… what do you know about sex? :D
Um, that chocolate fondue makes great edible lube? =)
O_o …We may have to talk about this a bit first…
And you four will be up next.
…Ergh. Can anyone take my place?
No.
I -
No exceptions! *cackles* …Due to the more copious snips in this chapter, we’re already halfway through. The major badsex ends soon, only to turn into Draco-Trilogy-like boringness. |P
END SPORK SECTION
ETA: Now with “cock” jokes.