Now Sporking: The Difference, Part 4/6 (LJ EDITION)
@->->-
After we finished our breakfast, Meowth and I volunteered to clear the table,
and Jessie and James did the dishes. Once we'd cleaned the kitchen...and
ourselves up, Lulu set out to take us to Mayor Houlihan. While we were on our
way to Town Hall, however, we ran into an unexpected problem.
"Come on, guys! The sooner we get to Ecruteak City, the sooner I can win a new
badge!" I heard an annoying voice say.
Oh, god. Don't tell me he's still here.... I said to myself.
Tom: Oh Articuno, Zapdos, an' Moltres, don't tell me we need MORE Ash-bashin'.
Jerry: *sourly* You even have to wonder, at this point?
My fears were confirmed when I looked and saw Ash, Misty, and Brock. They'd just
left the local pokemon center...and they were heading our way!
At my side, Jessie, James, and Meowth tensed. They'd seen the brats, too.
Fortunately, Jessie and James weren't dressed in their Team Rocket uniforms this
morning -- they'd opted to leave their jackets and gloves off and wear blue
jeans with their black shirts instead. The twerps never recognize them when
they're out of uniform, so I was hoping that we could simply pass by unnoticed.
Jerry: They never recognize them when they're out of uniform AND IN DISGUISE. Important distinction.
Guardian's Song: I mean, I never saw the infamous bikini episode, but they definitely could recognize James in a bikini with blow-up gag boobs, right?
Tom: Come ON, there's a difference between "can't see through disguises" an' OUTRIGHT FACE-BLINDNESS!
The last thing we needed was those jerks picking another fight with us when we
were only trying to make peace.
Unfortunately, Ash did catch sight of Lulu...and to make matters worse, he
decided to talk to her. Go figure.
"Heeey! Lulu!" Ash cried as he raced up the sidewalk and came to her side.
"Oh. Good morning, Ash," Lulu replied.
"My friends and I are off to Ecruteak City!" he announced proudly. "I'm gonna
win my fourth Johto League badge there!"
"That's nice," she said dryly.
"God, I hate dat kid, always struttin' around like he's king a the freakin'
world," Meowth muttered.
Yeah, he's king, alright -- King Shit of Turd Mountain! I replied.
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| ||||
James's eyes widened when he heard us. "Whoa! That's a new one!" he remarked.
"Meowth, have you been teaching Wobbuffet how to curse again?!" Jessie
whispered.
"Don't lookit me -- I already taught him every word in my extensive off-color
vocabulary! I dunno where he picked dat one up!" Meowth said innocently.
Tom: What, do they really think Wobbuffet's too dumb to come up with new combinations of what he already KNOWS?
Jerry: *stony expression*
Tom: Eh, yeah, dumb question.
Then,
turning to me and grinning, "Dat's a good one, though -- I'm gonna hafta
remember it!" With that, he produced a pen and a note pad and wrote it down.
Once he was finished, the two of us high-fived.
Tom: I wanna "high-five" 'em with a Doubleslap.
Jerry: It wasn't even a good cursing spree!
Jessie buried her face in her hands and groaned. James just shrugged.
Fortunately, the twerps still hadn't taken note of us, and they hadn't heard our
exchange.
Jerry: ...Perhaps we should replace "severe face-blindness" with just plain "blindness"?
"We had a lot of fun at the Wobbuffet Festival yesterday!" Brock told Lulu.
"Thank you so much for inviting us."
"You're welcome, Brock."
"We're just sorry we can't stay longer...and that those punks and Team Rocket
caused so much trouble for you," said Misty.
You little two-faced phony! I thought as I listened to Misty insulting us...yet
again. Didn't anybody ever tell you that friends don't talk shit
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |
about each
other behind their backs?!
Guardian's Song: I'd make comments about Geek Social Fallacies, except that this goes beyond that and into "horse's head in your bed" territory.
I had issues with friends-never-criticize-friends before my hiatus, but I wasn't expecting people to forgive me MASS THIEVERY. Sheesh. This is disturbing.
(In all fairness to Cori Falls, she seemed to practice this sort of fanatical loyalty in real life, to tell from her still-extant fanfiction.net page:
2. I don't agree with FF.net's ban on reviewing fics more than once. It gets on my last nerves when people say mean things about my friends' fics, and there's nothing I can do to defend them if I've already reviewed the story...or when I can't add author's notes to or defend my own work.
In other words, one of the reasons she left fanfiction.net is because she couldn't turn the reviews page into a flamewar. o_o Um... yeah, she really WAS practicing what she preached. So I can't rag on her for being "unrealistic", because that was her reality.
...On the other hand, may I reiterate that I hope she's slightly better-adjusted now? D:)
I don't know why Jessie, James, and Meowth even gave
you a chance in the first place! Stupid back-stabbing bitch....
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| ||
Ash smirked. "I'm just glad you guys finally realized how evil and rotten Team
Rocket really is and ran them out of town!" he said. "I can't believe everybody
actually thought they were nice! That's a laugh!"
Lulu sweatdropped.
"Hello! We're standin' right here, dipshit!" Meowth grumbled.
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||
Really! Jeezus Christ on a motorcycle,
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
this kid is such a dumbass!
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
I agreed.
Jessie and James gritted their teeth and clenched their fists. I could tell they
were supressing the urge to say something.
Tom:
"Say, who are your friends, here?" Ash asked when he finally noticed us. "I
don't think we've been introduced."
The sweatdrop on Lulu's temple doubled in size. "Uh, does he even recognize
you?" she whispered to Jessie and James.
"He never does," they replied.
Lulu rolled her eyes.
"You know...you guys look kind of familiar...." Ash remarked after studying us
for a moment. It was then that it finally registered with him. "Hey! Wait a
minute! You're Team Rocket!" he shouted, pointing to us with an accusing finger.
Not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, are ya, kid? I asked, though I'm
sure all he heard was, "Wob-buf-fet."
Guardian's Song: Sadly, the apparent reaction is much more IC than the dialogue.
"GRRR!!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?!?!?!" Ash demanded. "DIDN'T YOU CAUSE
ENOUGH TROUBLE ALREADY?!"
Jerry: YES!!! BUT CORI FALLS DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO STOP, DOES SHE?!?!?!
Tom: AND WHAT'S MORE, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH CAPSLOCK!!! AMIRITE?!?!
"Now, you hold it right there!" Lulu said, coming to our defense again. "Jessie,
James, and Meowth aren't here to cause trouble! As a matter of fact, they're
here to make up for what they did yesterday!"
"Yeah, right! Like I'm gonna believe that!" Ash sneered, fixing us with a
venomous glare.
Jerry: YES!!! LIKE THE READERS ARE GOING TO BELIEVE THAT?!!?
Tom: *under breath* You can stop now.
Jerry: OH?!?! CAN I?!
"Fine! Nobody said you had to believe us!" Jessie shot back.
"I DON'T believe you!" he snapped.
Guardian's Song: When Ash comes off as better at snark than Team Rocket, you... may not be doing a good job of Rocketfen fic. Just sayin'.
"Whatever," Meowth growled.
"Just leave us alone, kid," said James. "We have work to do."
"I will not!" he cried. "You may have fooled these people once, but you're not
gonna do it again! I challenge you to a pokemon battle!"
"And we decline," James replied cooly.
Guardian's Song: So cool, he only uses one "l". *strikes a pose* That's our James!
"What's the matter?!" Ash jeered. "You losers afraid to fight me because you
know I'll win?!"
"No. We're just not in the mood for your putrescence," Jessie retorted.
"I don't know what that means, but you'd better take it back right now!" he
shouted.
Jerry: And neither does Cori Falls, since "putrescence" is such a ridiculous word to use in this situation. I think she tried to give "rotten" a thesaurus as a Hold Item and failed miserably.
"Puerile behavior", "belligerence", "wanton pugnaciousness", and... *checks thesaurus* "nescience", "sciolism", and "philistinism", if you want to get obscure... would have all done perfectly well. But no, she had to go for the smirking win and missed straight into a wall. *rolls eyes* Way to make your point, Miss Falls.
Jessie folded her arms across her chest. "No," she said defiantly.
James hooked Jessie's arm in his own
Jerry: While it was folded across her chest? Possible, but... why not just sling an arm around her shoulders?
and turned away from the brats. "Come on,
guys. We don't have to put up with this," he said.
As we continued on our way, however, Ash followed us and lobbed three of his
poke balls. "Oh, no you don't! Come back here and fight me, you cowards!
Tom: Yeah, Ash totally attacks 'em even when they're NOT DOIN' ANYTHIN'. That's why he totally attacked 'em BEFORE th' festival - Oh, wait.
Pikachu, Chikorita, Cyndaquil, Totodile! GET THEM!!!"
Instead of following his commands and mercilessly attacking us like they usually
do, however, Ash's pokemon did nothing, just stood there and stared at us.
Tom: Even th' FIC is acknowledgin' this has nothin' t' do with canon behavior! An' she's passin' this off as pure Gospel'a Ketchum!
"What's the matter with you?!" Ash demanded. "It's Team Rocket! Go get them!"
Pikachu frowned and flattened his ears. "Pikaaa? (Ash, don't you think you're
overreacting just a little bit?)" he sighed.
Chikorita frowned, too. "Chi-kor-ii. (I don't wanna attack them if they don't
wanna fight. It just seems wrong.)" she said.
Cyndaquil nodded. "Quiiil! (Yeah! They're not causing trouble this time!)" he
agreed.
Totodile studied us for a moment and nodded, too. "To-to. To-to-dile? (That's
right! Can't we give them the benefit of the doubt?)" he asked.
I couldn't help but smile as I listened to the four pokemon. Even though they
don't always fight fair, I don't really hate them -- they're actually kind of
okay when Ash isn't barking out orders.
Guardian's Song: So it isn't THEIR fault they don't play fair, it's ASH'S fault.
Uh, Miss Falls? Do you... ever bother to check the internal logic of A SINGLE SENTENCE?
I was relieved that they'd decided to
assess the situation themselves rather than blindly follow his commands this
time.
Tom: Yeah, this either means th' fic's sporkin' its own OOCness (SO WHY AM I HERE?!) or there's somethin' DIFFERENT about this situation.
*dryly* I dunno, WHAT COULD IT BE?
Ash, however, didn't share my feelings. "Come on!!! Why won't you fight?!" he
wailed.
Jerry: He can't HEAR WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, you dope! Of COURSE he can't share your feelings!
She treats Ash like an imbecile for not understanding what they want, but she seems to keep forgetting that Ash doesn't have a translator-Pokemon! Team Rocket needed Meowth to translate for Pikachu and Zapdos in Pokemon 2000! Contrary to what Cori Falls showed up there - and I should have pointed it out up there - Jessie and James can't understand Pokemon any better than anyone else can!
...Besides which, any human, no matter how well-trained, really shouldn't be able to hear the difference between "shit", "crap", and "turd" in Pokemonese, because there shouldn't be one. They're all vulgarities for "feces". You'd think every Pokemon speaking the language differently would be a hint that, you know, it's not a cipher for English. So Wobbuffet would sound like he said "Shit King of Shit Mountain", which... is just plain scatological, not particularly clever.
*throws up hands* What a stupid ~clever~ thing to put into her fic!
Tom: Stupid an' ~clever~ are synonyms in badfic. What's new?
Jerry: You're one to talk, Mr. I'm So Shocked The Pokemon Sound Like Furries In A Cori Falls Fic.
Tom: Don't REMIND me!
"Cuz we didn't come here ta fight! Dat's why!" Meowth snapped.
Brock grabbed Ash by the arm and pulled him back. "They said they don't want to
fight. Let it go, Ash," he said.
"Yeah! You're making a fool of yourself!" Misty said, grabbing him by his other
arm.
It's about friggin' time those other twerps called Ash on what a jerk he is! I
said as I watched the exchange.
Jerry: Uh, yeah. That's why you HONORABLE, NOBLE souls always respect when HE'S just having a normal day and don't randomly attack him and try to steal his Pokemon!
NOT.
"Really!" Meowth agreed.
Lulu shook her head and sighed.
"It's obvious he's not going to listen to reason," James told her. "Let's just
go before he tries to start something again."
"Yeah," she agreed. "Come on, guys. I know you're not troublemakers."
With that, we turned away from the twerps and continued on our way once more.
However, my instincts told me that this encounter wasn't over yet.
Jerry: By "instincts", you mean "author"?
From the
corner of my eye, I saw Ash break away from Brock and Misty...and when I turned
completely around, I saw him pick up a rock and throw it at us.
And it was going to hit James if I didn't do something!
Tom: A ten-year-old hurlin' a rock at a nearly-grown man! TH' HORROR!
...Seriously, Falls? THAT'S yer idea of drama?
LOOK OUT!!! I shouted.
At the sound of my voice, Jessie, James, Meowth, and Lulu turned around and saw
what Ash was doing.
Acting on instinct once again, I jumped in front of James and prepared to use my
Counter attack. As the rock hurdled towards me, I began to glow, and when it
struck me, it bounced harmlessly off of my body. I breathed a sigh of relief as
it landed at my feet.
Tom: So y' literally screamed just t' be a drama queen. Good t' know.
(Counter can counter AN ENTIRE ROCK THROW ASSAULT FROM A L100 GOLEM. IT AIN'T GONNA FAIL FER A TEN-YEAR-OLD THROWIN' A PEBBLE.)
An' also? Counter returns at double damage. So that rock shoulda gone flyin' straight back at Ash at double speed. An' I don't think she realized that, because she'd NEVER pass up th' opportunity t' have Ash taken down by his own throw.
Yeah, bitin' y' in th' rear that y' seem t' have never played th' games, ain't it, Falls?
"Oh, my god!" Lulu gasped. "Why did you do that, Ash?! Somebody could've been
hurt!"
Tom: *facepalm*
"Yeah! Namely, me!" James snapped.
Tom: That's th' IDEA, moron.
"What part of we don't wanna fight don't you understand, kid?!" Meowth demanded.
Tom: (Ash) The "we", the "don't", the "wanna", and the "fight".
"Quit playing innocent, Team Rocket!" Ash shouted. "It's bad enough that you
tried to ruin the Wobbuffet Festival yesterday, but coming back to cause even
more trouble is a new low!
Guardian's Song: ...*spreads hands and shrugs, smiling*
Heeeey. You think I'm gonna argue with that, Miss Falls? You got a whole 'nother thing comin'.
I'm not gonna let you bastards get away with it!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |
Jessie's face contorted in anger when she heard this. "How DARE you?!" she
cried. As she began to reach for Arbok's poke ball, however, James stopped her.
"Don't do it, Jess," he said softly as he placed a hand on her arm. "He's only
trying to provoke us -- if we fight him, he wins.
Tom: *BURSTS OUT LAUGHING*
Jerry: ...Well, she got ONE point of canon right, albeit unintentionally...
Don't give him the
satisfaction."
"Fine," she grumbled.
Lulu frowned. "Listen, Ash, I didn't say anything yesterday or this morning
because I was trying to be nice, but I'm not going to keep quiet anymore! You
have a lot of nerve treating such nice people so shabbily!"
Ash's eyes widened. "What?! Don't tell me you're still on their side -- they're
TEAM ROCKET!!!"
"What does that have to do with anything?!" Lulu shot back.
Jerry: *throws up hands, then slams them into her face*
Tom: *in falsetto voice* What does them being incorrigible, unrepentant career thieves, muggers, and fraudsters have to do with anything?! *fakes a swoon*
"They're...they're Team Rocket!" he cried! "They're evil, heartless, pokemon
thieves who can't be trusted!
Tom: An' proud'a it! *thumps chest*
Jerry: *through hands* Wouldn't go that far, but... yes, that IS Team Rocket, Miss Falls. You didn't notice?
Oh, that's right, you DIDN'T. *groans*
Just look at what they did yesterday -- they
pretended to be your friends, and then they tried to steal all of your food!"
"For your information, they only took the food because they hadn't eaten in days
and didn't know when the next time they'd eat would be!" Lulu told him.
Jerry: (Lulu) Not that they mentioned any of this yesterday, but - SOB at their woes, you heartless whelp! SOB!
"And if
you ask me, they EARNED that food! There was nothing pretend about the way they
saved our festival -- it was an act of true heroism!"
Ash scowled.
"Tell me, Ash," she said. "If it were anybody but Team Rocket, taking food for
no other reason than because they were starving to death and needed something to
eat, would you have been more understanding?"
Jerry: (Ash) If they took food, yeah. If they took ALL THE FOOD AT THE FESTIVAL? I mean, that stuff's perishable! You really gonna tell me that they planned to eat ALL OF THAT STUFF before it started going bad?! Three SNORLAXES would get a stomachache from that!
Silence.
"Well?"
Ash averted his eyes. "Yeah, probably," he grumbled.
"And why is that?"
Again, Ash gave no reply.
"Is it because you're so blinded by your hatred that you can't even see that
they're living things, too?" Lulu ventured. "That they're being driven by the
need to survive and not the desire to do evil? Do you truly hate them so much
that you don't even think they deserve the right to exist?"
Guardian's Song: *starts laughing until she starts letting out whining and sobbing noises, which isn't very long*
{The below has been edited after I ran out of steam and bile. That should give you an indication of what it was like beforehand.}
...In all seriousness, I don't like this empathy trolling. This fic pretty much epitomizes why. But generally, I don't like it for the false dichotomies (they didn't have to steal the WHOLE THING, and they could have BEGGED for some if they were so desperate - the festival-goers might have understood if they gave them the whole spiel they gave Lulu), the veiled hatred and dehumanization (if you don't agree with Our Heroes, CLEARLY YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON WHO DESERVES TO BURN), and the oversimplification (the objection is not that they're Team Rocket or that they don't deserve to exist, it's that they don't DESERVE TO ROB PEOPLE WITHOUT EVEN RECEIVING A SLAP ON THE WRIST).
Again, I don't like it. At all. It raises my hackles.
...Look, if you think this behavior is at all acceptable? You haven't had it pulled on you in real life. That's all I'll say.
It's not unintentionally funny melodrama for me. It's emotional abuse with a sickly-sweet smile and a halo pasted on.
"Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but I do know the difference
between right and wrong!" Ash retorted.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really? I don't think you do."
Guardian's Song: ...It isn't funny. It... just isn't.
I don't like this behavior even in spitefic - soured me on spitefic, in fact. I don't care what the fuck you say to justify it. That it's just funny fantasy venting, that the character deserved it for being loathsome, that you'd never do it in real life - like fuck you wouldn't. You'd do it the second you had someone you didn't like under your power.
"Stealing is wrong!" he cried. "And Team Rocket is ALWAYS stealing! Why can't
you understand that?!"
"And why can't you understand what I'm trying to say?" she asked.
Guardian's Song: Because you're just using lofty ideals and soft, smiling words to tell him that he's a soulless, retarded waste of air who makes the lives of those around him worse just by existing.
It's a mercy that Cori!Ash is too "dumb" to realize what you're trying to say. It's a mercy.
"Sometimes
there's a difference between what's legal and what's right -- Jessie, James, and
Meowth proved that yesterday when they broke our festival rule to save our
village. It was illegal, but it was an act of pure good, nevertheless. And
stealing our food may have been illegal, too...but it wasn't done with evil
intent."
"But...but they're Team Rocket!" Ash whined.
Guardian's Song: Or, rather - but that doesn't apply 99% of the time!
...not that it would help you if you weren't restricted from giving the right answer, kid. There's nothing more hate-filled and bursting with bile than an empathy-troll who finds an enemy who won't be cowed.
Ugh! Shut up, kid! You sound like a broken record! I thought. I may be the
patient pokemon, but my patience with him had worn out.
Guardian's Song: ...
Since this is my second run through the same material, I can view this optimistically. This is really a great chance to get a peek into the inner psyche of a hardline, unrepentant empathy-troll.
And it's good to see sharply and clearly that I wasn't wrong at all. They really do see whatever position they're defending as being as pure and clean as the undriven snow, and their opponents as screaming, mindless, soulless little shits who don't deserve to exist in a decent world. And, in their heart of hearts, they really wouldn't object to subjecting their opponents to every sort of brutal beating and public humiliation they could devise. ...I guess they really do think they're saintly for not doing just that, since they really don't see anything wrong with doing so. It's literally that they're being holier than thou. Empathy doesn't even begin to enter into the equation.
...It's sad, really. I like to think that people view me as a human being - or, at least, that sociopaths view me to be something to be used, exploited, and/or retaliated against if I cross them. It's honestly hard for me to grasp that some people see me as a bile-soaked ball of worthlessness the literal instant that I do anything to contradict their pious worldviews.
Such is life, I guess.
Lulu shook her head and sighed. "Your hatred really has blinded you, Ash. All
you see is Team Rocket, and you've lost sight of the humans and pokemon. You
can't understand that they're not evil because you've spent so much time lying
to yourself and convincing yourself that they are...and I think that's a shame."
Guardian's Song: ...I'm not going to burden you with my issues.
So I'll just point out that she's not even talking to him any more. She's just slowly stroking herself while fantasizing about what a worthless, lying, deluded shit he is, and how saintly she is for being so much better than he is. And, if Cori!Ash wasn't so dense that it bounced off his skull (thank heavens), he'd come to believe it.
It's wrong to do that to a child. I don't care how righteous you think you are. It's wrong.
"Oh, I don't believe this!" Ash cried. "They've got you fooled -- you're falling
for their act again! Can't you see that?!"
Guardian's Song: *tired sigh* ...No, Ash, it's that you can't see that she fits in with their lot just fine.
"I think the only person around here who can't see is you," Lulu retorted. "I'm
proud to call Jessie, James, and Meowth my friends.
Tom: You've known 'em less than 24 hours, lady! Go see a shrink!
They may not be perfect, but
then, nobody is.
Guardian's Song: False dichotomy, again.
That doesn't change the fact that they're good people. I'm
sorry if you can't accept that."
"I don't accept it!" he told her.
"Obviously," she said. "Your behavior towards them yesterday -- the way you were
so quick to accuse them of attacking our Wobbuffets without any evidence and the
way you were so quick to condemn them for everything else -- was a slap in the
face. But you know what? They didn't come back here to fight you or retaliate
for the way they were treated! They came back to apologize to us and try to
atone for what they did. They're trying to make amends, and what do you do? You
just slap them in the face again when they turn the other cheek! You're a very
mean and spiteful person, Ash Ketchum. I can forgive someone who makes an honest
mistake, but I have no tolerance for real troublemakers. And if you insist on
causing trouble for my friends when they're trying their best to do the right
thing, then perhaps you should leave."
Guardian's Song: Yeah, I'm sure this is very funny if you haven't received the same treatment in real life. Oh, we're so ~righteous~. We're so righteous that we get off on telling a ten-year-old that he's a nasty, spiteful person who shouldn't be allowed near decent people. Oh, and, as a bonus, that he's too retarded to understand How Things Are, so he'll just have to take it on faith if he doesn't want to be told what an evil little shit he is again.
Oh, yes, Cori. Tell me again how much your characters are good, noble people who despise cruelty, unfairness, and lording it over those weaker than you.
Ash stared at Lulu in disbelief when she said this.
"What?!" Meowth said defensively. "Is it really so hard ta believe dat we're
tryin' ta do somethin' decent for a change?!"
Jerry: Why...
Tom: ...Yep.
"As a matter of fact, it is!" he retorted.
"Well, it's the truth plain and simple! Deal with it, kid!" Jessie told him.
"Yeah! Call us back once you've wrapped your brain around that one!" said James.
Of course, that's operating on the assumption that he actually has a brain! I
remarked.
Jessie facefaulted. "Hmmm...that's a good point, Wobbuffet."
Jerry: Yes - the assumption that ANYONE in this story has a brain.
Ash frowned again. "Fine. I guess you really are trying to be nice this
time...but that doesn't mean I trust you now -- that's just not gonna happen!"
Jerry: Except, apparently, for Ash!
"Nobody said you had to," James replied. "But it wouldn't kill you to act like a
civilized human being around us. We have feelings too, you know."
Guardian's Song: *bursts out laughing* Oh, I know all too well that people like you have FEELINGS! In fact, you're the only ones allowed to have feelings in the WORLD! Because, heaven knows, no one in the history of existence has ever suffered so much as YOU!
Heh heh... don't mind me... hit a nerve there...
"Yeah. Whatever," Ash grumbled. With that, he turned on his heel and walked off
in a huff. "Come on, Brock, Misty. Let's go."
Before following Ash, however, Brock and Misty approached us.
"I guess we really do owe you an apology," said Brock. "It was wrong of us to
jump to conclusions and assume you were up to no good without any kind of
proof...
Tom: (Brock) Except a little thing called "Testing Team Rocket's goodness via the scientific method, we discovered that you were consistently out for your own illegitimate profit - results consistent over 100+ consecutive trials".
(James) *piously* And that is why you filthy atheists must have FAITH!!11!
and it was wrong of us to be so nasty with you when it turned out that
we were wrong. I really am sorry that happened...and I'm sorry for the way Ash
acted just now -- it was completely uncalled for. I honestly don't know what got
into him. I know he hates you guys, but he's not normally like this...."
Guardian's Song: Fic sporks self.
Sorry. Nerves still on edge from above section, analysis-without-bile is restricted.
"I think dat's the problem right dere -- he hates us," Meowth replied.
"That's still no excuse for him being so rude...especially when you're trying to
do something good," Brock continued. Then, to Lulu, "You're right about a lot of
things.
Guardian's Song: Readers, do me a little favor - imagine a giant middle finger shooting out of the top of your screen, with the rest of the hand filling the entire screen.
Thank you! You now have my opinion on that line. Moving on...
I promise I'll talk to Ash once he cools off. Maybe he'll listen to me."
"I appreciate that," said Lulu. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Brock. I'm sorry
your visit had to end like this."
"It was a pleasure meeting you, too," he said. "I hope my friends and I can
visit your village again someday...under better circumstances."
Guardian's Song: Please imagine that said middle finger is persisting through the above two paragraphs. Thanks again!
Lulu nodded as Brock waved and took his leave.
"I'm sorry, too," Misty said once Brock was gone.
Yeah, right! I thought. You may be apologizing now, kiddo, but the next time you
see us, you'll go right back to being mean!
Tom: Little thing called "you're not friends in canon"...
Not t' mention YOU'LL go right back t' stealin' her Pokemon, so why d' y' think she's gonna give y' idiots a free pass?
"Funny thing, Misty, but we're havin' a real hard time believin' ya," Meowth
told her.
Tom: An' so are th' readers.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Misty, it's easy to treat somebody like crap
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and then say you're sorry, but
real friendship takes work," James explained. "And...well...we just get the
feeling you're not ready for that."
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, Madam Suicidal-Over-Haircut is certainly ready for marriage and children! And Herr Emotional-Breakdown-Whenever-He-Doubts-His-One-Twoo-Wub Otherkin is certainly ready for that as well!
"Look, I know I still say mean things about you, but
Jerry: (Misty) - you completely deserve it.
I told you not to take it
to heart!" she protested.
"That's easier said than done," Jessie sighed. "To be honest, it was easier to
take your insults back when we knew you hated us. But now that you're supposed
to be our friend...well, it just feels like betrayal."
Jerry: ...Miss Falls, perhaps you should take that as a hint that she ISN'T their friend in canon?
"But you guys make fun of each other all the time, and...."
"That's different," James told her. "Jessie, Meowth, and I can get away with
teasing each other because we're close, and we know it's all in good fun."
Jerry: Um, sorry. I READ The Thorns of the Rose, and I know that's an absolute lie.
Tom: Doubleplusungood oldthinker refs unfic. Oldthinker, go Minitrue doubleplusfast.
He
then took Jessie by the hand. "And when we say or do something that really is
hurtful, we don't just apologize -- we make a real effort to work through it and
make things better."
Jerry: (James) So we can crash right back into an emotional breakdown in the next fic! :D
"And you just can't do that, Misty...not while you're trying so hard to keep up
the appearance of hating us, anyway," Jessie chimed in.
Tom: (Misty) I'll stop keeping up the APPEARANCE, then. *slaps them all and rides off on Starmie before they can retaliate*
Yes! I said to myself as I watched the exchange. Tell her off once and for all!
"Are...are you saying you don't want to be friends anymore?" she asked sadly.
"That depends on whether you want to be our friend or not," Jessie replied.
"Yeah. Friendship isn't about appearances or deception," James added. "You're
not doing Ash and Brock any favors by lying to them about us...and you're
certainly not doing us any favors, either. All we're saying is that you need to
stop pretending. Be our friend, or don't be our friend -- you can't have it both
ways."
Guardian's Song: So stop being their friend, Misty!
"That's a lot to ask," she muttered. "You saw for yourself how Ash went
ballistic just now -- he wouldn't be able to understand."
"Well, if pretendin' ta hate us for his sake is more important ta you den
treatin' us with a bit a civility, den maybe bein' friends with ya ain't such a
good idea!" Meowth snapped.
Jerry: Yep, being associated with a ballistic person prone to violent outbursts is certainly something without any complications and not at all a reason Misty should worry for her safety, BY FIC LOGIC, if she tried to cross Cori!Ash.
You know, for someone who wrote Jessie as having an abusive boyfriend, maybe Miss Falls should have ACTUALLY RESEARCHED ABUSE.
"Does this mean we're enemies again?" Misty sighed. "I don't want that."
"Then stop acting like we're enemies, for godsake! If that's too much to ask,
then you don't have any business calling yourself our friend in the first
place!" Jessie cried. "I used to have a friend like you -- her name was Cassidy.
And do you know what I did when I couldn't take her back-stabbing and toying
with me anymore? I told her to hit the road, that's what.
Tom: *narrating* An' she promptly said, "You know what? I don't need a wangsty, MY HAIR IS LIKE MY MOMMY TO ME loser like you in my life any more," an' hit the road with a wide grin on her face an' a roarin' motorcycle under her rear. Y' were left chokin' on dust clouds.
Jerry: *sideways glance* SOMEONE is god-moding around here...
I didn't need a friend
like her, and if you insist on treating us like shit
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just for the sake of
appearance, then we don't need a friend like you, either!"
"Jessie and Meowth are right," James agreed. "Misty, if you want this friendship
to work, it's going to take a lot more than being mean to us in public and then
apologizing when nobody is looking. Real friends don't put on acts like that.
Real friends aren't embarrassed to admit that they're friends with each other.
We've been trying to be nicer to you...now it's your turn to try and be nicer to
us. I know that's not going to be easy, but whether or not it's worth the effort
is up to you."
Jerry: I'd say it definitely isn't. Not with these creepy versions of Jessie and James, anyway. Do you really WANT permanent enrollment in that personality cult?
"Think about it," Jessie said coldly. "If you want to be our friend, then be our
friend. But if being a phony is more important, then you can go to hell
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for all
we care."
Misty hung her head. "I guess that's it, then. I already told you I just can't
let Ash and Brock know."
"Den I guess we ain't worth bein' friends with, huh?" Meowth asked
sarcastically.
"You're the ones who said it, not me," she replied.
Guardian's Song: Uh, Cori Falls? Are you sure you want to give the "twerps" all the snark in this fic? Really? That's not doing YOUR ~favorite characters~ any favors...
"You might not have said it with words, but you're always saying it with your
actions...
Tom: An' she's completely right.
and every apology you make just rings more and more hollow,"
Jerry: Like your characterizations.
Jessie
told her. "If that's your choice, then go back to your real friends, and leave
us alone."
Misty's eyes filled with tears as she turned away from us and followed Ash and
Brock.
Tom: Tears'a joy.
"We really did want to be friends cult leaders, Misty," James called after her. "Maybe
Guardian's Song: *whistles innocently*
someday we can make friendship work, but you have a lot of growing up to do
before that can ever happen."
"Maybe...." she muttered.
Jerry: (Misty) And maybe you do.
I couldn't help but smile as I watched Misty walking away. Good! I thought.
Maybe now Jessie, James, and Meowth won't feel obligated to be so nice to her
when she acts like a bitch!
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It's about time they told her like it is!
Once we were alone again, Jessie put her arms around James. "Are you okay,
sweetie?" she asked.
"I'm fine...thanks to Wobbuffet," he replied.
Tom: (James) *gasp* That ten-year-old might have chipped my manicure!
I smiled again.
Jessie and James returned my smile and patted me on the head.
"I still can't believe the way Ash spazzed out on us!" Meowth remarked. "He's
done some pretty crappy
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stuff ta us before, but jeez!"
"I know! Why did he have to be so mean?" James asked.
Tom: Are y' FOUR YEARS OLD?
Jerry: Emotionally - that's about right!
I think he still had a hair up his ass
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because he couldn't stand the fact that
we were doing good, and he was wrong about us, I replied.
"Yer prolly right, Wobbu," Meowth sighed.
Jessie frowned. "Has it really gotten to that point, James? Do you really think
he's so convinced that we're evil that he just doesn't know how to accept the
fact that we're not monsters?"
Guardian's Song: *hoists a giant, flashing IRONY sign above the characterizations in this fic and taps foot against the ground*
You were saying, Miss Falls?
"It sure seems that way, Jess," he said.
"Lulu is right -- that is sad," she muttered.
IRONY
As Jessie rested her head on James's shoulder, he looked at Lulu and smiled.
"Thank you for coming to our defense again."
"Well, I meant every word of what I said," she told us. "Don't worry about Ash
-- I know you're good people, even if he doesn't. And I'll see to it that
everybody else in this town has a chance to hear the truth about you guys, too.
Speaking of which...we have an appointment to keep with Mayor Houlihan. Come
on."
And so, doing our best to shake off our unpleasant encounter with the twerps,
Jerry: So is the spork captain, I think. *glances at Guardian's Song*
Guardian's Song: *deep, morose sigh*
Tom: Look on the bright side! At least they weren't TOO furry in this section!
we
followed Lulu to Town Hall.
@->->-