Now Sporking: The Difference, Part 2/4
A magenta-haired teenager throws up her hands. "You have to be kidding me! It's been months!"
Looking bored, her sandy-haired companion taps his fingers on the desk in front of them. "Don'tcha think yer too old fer this stuff?"
Nope.
ONE FOR THE MONEY!
TWO FOR THE SHOW!
THREE TO GET READY!
AND HERE! WE! GO!
@->->-
After a bit of struggling and a few slips that would've ended in disaster if not
for Victreebel's vines, Jessie and I managed to make it to the base of the
cliff. Once we were safe on the ground, we untied ourselves and started heading
back towards the village.
So, how are we gonna go about apologizing to everybody once we get back to the
village? I mean, do we have a plan for that, or anything? I queried.
Jerry: (Cori!Jessie) Yes. They will all be awed by our sorrow and contrition, and they will generally agree it was all Ash Ketchum's fault.
Guardian's Song: How much do you want to bet that's exactly what happens?
Jerry: What, you thought I was joking?
"I want to talk to Lulu first," Jessie replied. "She was the nicest one --
giving us lunch and sticking up for us when Ash tried to cause trouble -- if I
owe anybody an explanation...and an apology, it's her."
Jerry: (Cori!Jessie) And naturally, she'll continue kissing our shoes the most when everybody falls at our feet begging for forgiveness.
I nodded.
As we continued on our way, however, Jessie suddenly stopped.
What's wrong? I asked.
Jessie placed a finger to her lips and looked over her shoulder. "Somebody's out
there, Wobbuffet. We're being followed," she whispered.
Tom: By sporkers.
*narrating* THE END.
Guardian's Song: You think you'd have learned by now that it doesn't work.
I turned around and peered into the dark woods, but I didn't see anything. I
could feel something, though. She was right -- we were being followed!
Jessie slowly brought out Arbok's poke ball and assumed a fighting-stance. "Get
ready, Wobbuffet," she said. "Who knows what could be lurking in these
woods...."
Tom: FURRIES. LOADS A' 'EM.
Jerry: You're never going to get over the trauma of that one fic, are you?
"Heh. Should've known we couldn't sneak up on you," a familiar voice said.
Jessie raised an eyebrow. "James?"
As if on cue, James and Meowth emerged from behind a cluster of trees.
Tom: (Meowth) *points at script* James, take another look at de darn script! It clearly says at dis point dat you're supposed to come outta the closet!
(James) Meowth, I have to improvise here! Cori would have my head if I did something like that! Now, see, this cluster is dark, and made of wood, and pretty concealing - How about we just pretend it's a closet, all right?
When she saw them, Jessie's look of surprise gave way to annoyance. "What are
you guys doing here?!" she demanded.
James folded his arms across his chest and smirked. "I could ask you the same
thing," he replied.
"Well...I asked first!" she huffed.
Guardian's Song: Almost in-character banter! Wonders never cease.
James ran a hand through his blue-violet hair and sighed. "I kept waiting and
waiting for you to come to bed, but you never did, so I wasn't sleeping very
well," he told her. "Then, I thought I heard Victreebel screaming, and sure as
shit,
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |
(Note: Yes, I know I'm starting it late. Uh... tell you what, how about I just do a quick run back through the last section and see how many "shit"s there were? Okay, five. "Damn"s? NINE. "Crap"? One. If there were other swearwords used, I'm not counting them.
And yes, I know I'm crude myself at times, but the prolific cursing just doesn't fit Pokemon-anime dub-canon. As I've said before, Jessie and James have AMPLE opportunity and reason to curse in canon, and yet they don't have half of Miss Falls's... vocabulary. I can literally tell canon scenes from fanon scenes by whether someone starts spouting profanities. Hence why I'm putting in an actual count for this.)
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| | {and we're not even halfway through the fic!}
when I woke up, I saw him out of his poke ball...
Ariana: I'd think everyone would want to get out of a Poke Ball, if they could. That can't be comfortable. D:
and you were nowhere to
be found."
"Yeah! And den Viccie
Guardian's Song: O_< HEY! THIS "VICKY" OBJECTS TO A CORI FALLS CHARACTER WITH THAT NICKNAME!
...my apologies, Mrs. Weasley... *hands back Capslock of Rage*
told us dat you and Wobbuffet was on yer way back ta the
village cuz ya wanted ta set things right with dose people," Meowth continued.
"James and I didn't wanna miss out on all the fun, so we decided ta follow ya."
"Jessie, why are you doing this?" James asked.
"You KNOW why!" she said. "You were right about how we shouldn't have taken the
food -- we had a good thing going today, but I ruined it for us all. I've been
beating myself up about it all night...and I won't be able to live with myself
until I've made up for it somehow...."
"I know that," James whispered, placing his hand on her cheek. "I meant, why are
you doing this without me and Meowth?"
"Because none of this was your fault, James," Jessie replied. "I'm the one who
screwed up, so this is my responsibility.
Jerry: Someone taking responsibility? In one of THESE fics?!
...Right, they'll be All Forgiven about everything by sunup. *facepalm*
Besides...I thought you were mad at
me."
Jerry: You can tell how deeply they're in love - they're constantly afraid that anything they've done will make the other fly into a fury at them/leave them/hate them forever/all of the above. *headdesk*
Tom: T' be fair, wasn't that Blood on the Moon?
Jerry: *muffled by the desk* ...and they're actually right...
James gently caressed her cheek. "No, Jessie. I'm not mad at you," he told her.
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
Jessie hung her head and blushed. "Because you weren't talking to me...and
because of how I messed everything up. Goodness knows, you have every right to
be mad."
Guardian's Song: ...With all due respect, Cori Falls, you do a fairly realistic if we ignore your blatant whitewashing and detailed job of writing a depressed, emotionally-unstable, somewhat-traumatized character...
...but what does she have to do with Jessie of Team Rocket, again?
"Jess, I wasn't talkative because I wasn't feeling well," James said as he put
his arms around Jessie and held her to him. "I didn't blame you for it, though.
I was never angry with you. I'm sorry if I made you think I was, honey."
Tom: Given James's role in these fics - are y' REALLY supposed t' date yer therapist?
"It's okay, James. Really," Jessie said as she returned his embrace.
James smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. "Besides, it takes a lot more
than what you did today to make me angry," he continued.
Jerry: You have to - gasp! - doubt their ~eternal love~ for an instant!
Tom: Or criticize James's fursuit!
"Not everybody has a
temper as short as yours, you know."
"Yeah! Thank goodness for dat!" Meowth laughed.
Jessie frowned at him.
"Now, what would really make me mad," James said, cupping Jessie's chin in his
hand and forcing her to look back at him, "is if you think you can actually get
away with doing this without the rest of us."
Guardian's Song: Shades of Twilight, anyone?
Also, I personally believe having half of a romance "force" the other to do anything... very quickly gets into Unfortunate Implications territory if the relationship has any sort of power imbalance. It very clearly does around here, with Jessie being both physically abusive towards James and completely emotionally dependent upon him. So... not good. Really not good. And I don't believe that's a nitpick.
(Incidentally - aforementioned physical abuse is an example of canon characterizations played for comedy that CANNOT be retained in a serious fic without screwing a lot of things up. In Pokemon-land, everyone seems to have a bleepton of physical resilence, which is, amongst other things, why Charmeleon can have its behavior laughed off rather than being destroyed for public safety. If Cori Falls had given THAT two seconds of thought, she would have noted that CHARMELEON is the Pokemon Ash shouldn't be allowed to deploy in public in Seriousland, since it attacks even its own Trainer (as opposed to Pikachu, who only attacks when commanded to do so).
Then again, if she gave it much thought, she'd realize that serial criminals aren't the most trustworthy and battered of souls, are they?)
"You mean you really want to come with me? To take part of the blame for what
happened?" she asked.
"Of course!" he told her. "Jess, we were all to blame in some way -- if I were
adamant about not taking the food, I could've stopped you, you know. Deep down,
I wanted the food, too."
"Dat's right! We screwed up as a team, so we're gonna fix dis as a team, and
dere ain't no two-ways about it!" said Meowth.
Jerry: Okay, if you're suddenly contrite as blazes, why don't you go up to Ash Ketchum and apologize to him for attempting to repeatedly steal a ten-year-old boy's favorite Pokemon, and for blaming him for ruining your lives when he merely attempts to STOP the three of you from robbing people of their beloved Pokemon?
I'm in no place to preach, but you three (in Cori Falls's fics) are the WHINIEST Team Rocket members ever depicted in a fic!
"Well...okay. If you guys insist," Jessie sighed.
"As a matter of fact, we do!" came Meowth's reply.
James smiled again and gently tweaked Jessie's nose. "Yeah! You don't get rid of
us that easily!"
Jessie returned James's smile and tweaked his nose right back. "I love you,
sweetie," she said.
James tightened his hold on Jessie and rested his forehead against her own. "I
love you too, Jess," he replied.
As they gazed into each other's eyes, Jessie and James leaned closer and rubbed
noses. Then, their lips were locked in a passionate kiss.
My heart swelled with joy as I watched the two of them.
Tom: Stop enjoyin' this stuff, y' furry!
Jessie and James are
such beautiful people...
Jerry: (Wobbuffet) They're both bright blue and have their eyes shut all the time!
Tom: *sourly* No, this is a FURRY Wobbuffet. He totally knows what "beautiful" humans look like, th' perv. Must have his own page on Pokedex Dramatica at this point.
on the outside and the inside, and it just gives me a
warm, fuzzy feeling to see how deeply in love with each other they are.
Guardian's Song: HE'S A WOBBUFFET. A Wobbuffet. A WOBBUFFET!
Is that the face of a devoted shipper?!
In a
way, it reminds me of my own life --
Tom: *buries face in hands*
Jerry: At least now you know how I'VE suffered.
they've endured so much rejection and
heartbreak...
Tom: *through hands* I hate t' tell y', y' Muked-up thing, but y' bein' a transhuman or whatever ain't gonna make humans any more receptive t' yer "advances".
Guardian's Song: In all fairness -
Tom: They all might as well be ~transhumans~ in this mess! They think like humans, squawk like humans, an' ACT ALL FURRY TOWARDS HUMANS!!!
Guardian's Song: Technically, they all want to be just like Jessie and James, not just humans.
Tom: That's even worse.
but now that they have each other, they've found the love and
security they always needed.
Jerry: Given the way THESE two are portrayed in Cori Falls's fics - no, I think they need several boxes of antidepressants and mood stabilizers for THAT.
Their love for each other reminds me that I have
love in my life now, too...
Tom: D8
that I finally belong somewhere. And that gives me
the sense of security I've always needed.
Tom: What is this, Dr. Phil?!
Still, as beautiful as Jessie and James's love was,
Tom: *starts banging head against desk*
Guardian's Song: Notice to all former, current, and would-be BNFs -
Whether or not your fics ever got melodramatic and ridiculous, they never reached THIS level.
No, I don't have to read them to know this. You win by default.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
it wasn't going to help us
make amends with those villagers.
Jerry: *through gritted teeth* I'm sure it will. SOMEHOWTM.
We had work to do, and we didn't have time to
stand around in this forest all night!
"Hey! Break it up, youse two!" Meowth shouted, as if he could read my mind.
Tom: An' that - *BANG* - of th' - *BANG* - readers! *BANG*
But Jessie and James didn't hear him (or decided to ignore him) -- they just
held each other closer, and their kiss deepened.
Heh. We're gonna be here for awhile, aren't we? I asked.
Meowth put his paws behind his head and sighed. "Yep. Looks like Team Rocket's
makin' out again...."
Jerry: The fic sporks itself! It's SPORKING its- it - it -
Tom: *BANG*
*knocks self partly unconscious on desk and falls over*
{The sporking will now take a short break...}
This entry is mirrored at http://guardians-song.dreamwidth.org/144371.html. Comment wherever you like. Just remind me to get off the internet and do my homework.
Looking bored, her sandy-haired companion taps his fingers on the desk in front of them. "Don'tcha think yer too old fer this stuff?"
Nope.
ONE FOR THE MONEY!
TWO FOR THE SHOW!
THREE TO GET READY!
AND HERE! WE! GO!
@->->-
After a bit of struggling and a few slips that would've ended in disaster if not
for Victreebel's vines, Jessie and I managed to make it to the base of the
cliff. Once we were safe on the ground, we untied ourselves and started heading
back towards the village.
So, how are we gonna go about apologizing to everybody once we get back to the
village? I mean, do we have a plan for that, or anything? I queried.
Jerry: (Cori!Jessie) Yes. They will all be awed by our sorrow and contrition, and they will generally agree it was all Ash Ketchum's fault.
Guardian's Song: How much do you want to bet that's exactly what happens?
Jerry: What, you thought I was joking?
"I want to talk to Lulu first," Jessie replied. "She was the nicest one --
giving us lunch and sticking up for us when Ash tried to cause trouble -- if I
owe anybody an explanation...and an apology, it's her."
Jerry: (Cori!Jessie) And naturally, she'll continue kissing our shoes the most when everybody falls at our feet begging for forgiveness.
I nodded.
As we continued on our way, however, Jessie suddenly stopped.
What's wrong? I asked.
Jessie placed a finger to her lips and looked over her shoulder. "Somebody's out
there, Wobbuffet. We're being followed," she whispered.
Tom: By sporkers.
*narrating* THE END.
Guardian's Song: You think you'd have learned by now that it doesn't work.
I turned around and peered into the dark woods, but I didn't see anything. I
could feel something, though. She was right -- we were being followed!
Jessie slowly brought out Arbok's poke ball and assumed a fighting-stance. "Get
ready, Wobbuffet," she said. "Who knows what could be lurking in these
woods...."
Tom: FURRIES. LOADS A' 'EM.
Jerry: You're never going to get over the trauma of that one fic, are you?
"Heh. Should've known we couldn't sneak up on you," a familiar voice said.
Jessie raised an eyebrow. "James?"
As if on cue, James and Meowth emerged from behind a cluster of trees.
Tom: (Meowth) *points at script* James, take another look at de darn script! It clearly says at dis point dat you're supposed to come outta the closet!
(James) Meowth, I have to improvise here! Cori would have my head if I did something like that! Now, see, this cluster is dark, and made of wood, and pretty concealing - How about we just pretend it's a closet, all right?
When she saw them, Jessie's look of surprise gave way to annoyance. "What are
you guys doing here?!" she demanded.
James folded his arms across his chest and smirked. "I could ask you the same
thing," he replied.
"Well...I asked first!" she huffed.
Guardian's Song: Almost in-character banter! Wonders never cease.
James ran a hand through his blue-violet hair and sighed. "I kept waiting and
waiting for you to come to bed, but you never did, so I wasn't sleeping very
well," he told her. "Then, I thought I heard Victreebel screaming, and sure as
shit,
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |
(Note: Yes, I know I'm starting it late. Uh... tell you what, how about I just do a quick run back through the last section and see how many "shit"s there were? Okay, five. "Damn"s? NINE. "Crap"? One. If there were other swearwords used, I'm not counting them.
And yes, I know I'm crude myself at times, but the prolific cursing just doesn't fit Pokemon-anime dub-canon. As I've said before, Jessie and James have AMPLE opportunity and reason to curse in canon, and yet they don't have half of Miss Falls's... vocabulary. I can literally tell canon scenes from fanon scenes by whether someone starts spouting profanities. Hence why I'm putting in an actual count for this.)
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| | {and we're not even halfway through the fic!}
when I woke up, I saw him out of his poke ball...
Ariana: I'd think everyone would want to get out of a Poke Ball, if they could. That can't be comfortable. D:
and you were nowhere to
be found."
"Yeah! And den Viccie
Guardian's Song: O_< HEY! THIS "VICKY" OBJECTS TO A CORI FALLS CHARACTER WITH THAT NICKNAME!
...my apologies, Mrs. Weasley... *hands back Capslock of Rage*
told us dat you and Wobbuffet was on yer way back ta the
village cuz ya wanted ta set things right with dose people," Meowth continued.
"James and I didn't wanna miss out on all the fun, so we decided ta follow ya."
"Jessie, why are you doing this?" James asked.
"You KNOW why!" she said. "You were right about how we shouldn't have taken the
food -- we had a good thing going today, but I ruined it for us all. I've been
beating myself up about it all night...and I won't be able to live with myself
until I've made up for it somehow...."
"I know that," James whispered, placing his hand on her cheek. "I meant, why are
you doing this without me and Meowth?"
"Because none of this was your fault, James," Jessie replied. "I'm the one who
screwed up, so this is my responsibility.
Jerry: Someone taking responsibility? In one of THESE fics?!
...Right, they'll be All Forgiven about everything by sunup. *facepalm*
Besides...I thought you were mad at
me."
Jerry: You can tell how deeply they're in love - they're constantly afraid that anything they've done will make the other fly into a fury at them/leave them/hate them forever/all of the above. *headdesk*
Tom: T' be fair, wasn't that Blood on the Moon?
Jerry: *muffled by the desk* ...and they're actually right...
James gently caressed her cheek. "No, Jessie. I'm not mad at you," he told her.
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
Jessie hung her head and blushed. "Because you weren't talking to me...and
because of how I messed everything up. Goodness knows, you have every right to
be mad."
Guardian's Song: ...With all due respect, Cori Falls, you do a fairly realistic if we ignore your blatant whitewashing and detailed job of writing a depressed, emotionally-unstable, somewhat-traumatized character...
...but what does she have to do with Jessie of Team Rocket, again?
"Jess, I wasn't talkative because I wasn't feeling well," James said as he put
his arms around Jessie and held her to him. "I didn't blame you for it, though.
I was never angry with you. I'm sorry if I made you think I was, honey."
Tom: Given James's role in these fics - are y' REALLY supposed t' date yer therapist?
"It's okay, James. Really," Jessie said as she returned his embrace.
James smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. "Besides, it takes a lot more
than what you did today to make me angry," he continued.
Jerry: You have to - gasp! - doubt their ~eternal love~ for an instant!
Tom: Or criticize James's fursuit!
"Not everybody has a
temper as short as yours, you know."
"Yeah! Thank goodness for dat!" Meowth laughed.
Jessie frowned at him.
"Now, what would really make me mad," James said, cupping Jessie's chin in his
hand and forcing her to look back at him, "is if you think you can actually get
away with doing this without the rest of us."
Guardian's Song: Shades of Twilight, anyone?
Also, I personally believe having half of a romance "force" the other to do anything... very quickly gets into Unfortunate Implications territory if the relationship has any sort of power imbalance. It very clearly does around here, with Jessie being both physically abusive towards James and completely emotionally dependent upon him. So... not good. Really not good. And I don't believe that's a nitpick.
(Incidentally - aforementioned physical abuse is an example of canon characterizations played for comedy that CANNOT be retained in a serious fic without screwing a lot of things up. In Pokemon-land, everyone seems to have a bleepton of physical resilence, which is, amongst other things, why Charmeleon can have its behavior laughed off rather than being destroyed for public safety. If Cori Falls had given THAT two seconds of thought, she would have noted that CHARMELEON is the Pokemon Ash shouldn't be allowed to deploy in public in Seriousland, since it attacks even its own Trainer (as opposed to Pikachu, who only attacks when commanded to do so).
Then again, if she gave it much thought, she'd realize that serial criminals aren't the most trustworthy and battered of souls, are they?)
"You mean you really want to come with me? To take part of the blame for what
happened?" she asked.
"Of course!" he told her. "Jess, we were all to blame in some way -- if I were
adamant about not taking the food, I could've stopped you, you know. Deep down,
I wanted the food, too."
"Dat's right! We screwed up as a team, so we're gonna fix dis as a team, and
dere ain't no two-ways about it!" said Meowth.
Jerry: Okay, if you're suddenly contrite as blazes, why don't you go up to Ash Ketchum and apologize to him for attempting to repeatedly steal a ten-year-old boy's favorite Pokemon, and for blaming him for ruining your lives when he merely attempts to STOP the three of you from robbing people of their beloved Pokemon?
I'm in no place to preach, but you three (in Cori Falls's fics) are the WHINIEST Team Rocket members ever depicted in a fic!
"Well...okay. If you guys insist," Jessie sighed.
"As a matter of fact, we do!" came Meowth's reply.
James smiled again and gently tweaked Jessie's nose. "Yeah! You don't get rid of
us that easily!"
Jessie returned James's smile and tweaked his nose right back. "I love you,
sweetie," she said.
James tightened his hold on Jessie and rested his forehead against her own. "I
love you too, Jess," he replied.
As they gazed into each other's eyes, Jessie and James leaned closer and rubbed
noses. Then, their lips were locked in a passionate kiss.
My heart swelled with joy as I watched the two of them.
Tom: Stop enjoyin' this stuff, y' furry!
Jessie and James are
such beautiful people...
Jerry: (Wobbuffet) They're both bright blue and have their eyes shut all the time!
Tom: *sourly* No, this is a FURRY Wobbuffet. He totally knows what "beautiful" humans look like, th' perv. Must have his own page on Pokedex Dramatica at this point.
on the outside and the inside, and it just gives me a
warm, fuzzy feeling to see how deeply in love with each other they are.
Guardian's Song: HE'S A WOBBUFFET. A Wobbuffet. A WOBBUFFET!
Is that the face of a devoted shipper?!
In a
way, it reminds me of my own life --
Tom: *buries face in hands*
Jerry: At least now you know how I'VE suffered.
they've endured so much rejection and
heartbreak...
Tom: *through hands* I hate t' tell y', y' Muked-up thing, but y' bein' a transhuman or whatever ain't gonna make humans any more receptive t' yer "advances".
Guardian's Song: In all fairness -
Tom: They all might as well be ~transhumans~ in this mess! They think like humans, squawk like humans, an' ACT ALL FURRY TOWARDS HUMANS!!!
Guardian's Song: Technically, they all want to be just like Jessie and James, not just humans.
Tom: That's even worse.
but now that they have each other, they've found the love and
security they always needed.
Jerry: Given the way THESE two are portrayed in Cori Falls's fics - no, I think they need several boxes of antidepressants and mood stabilizers for THAT.
Their love for each other reminds me that I have
love in my life now, too...
Tom: D8
that I finally belong somewhere. And that gives me
the sense of security I've always needed.
Tom: What is this, Dr. Phil?!
Still, as beautiful as Jessie and James's love was,
Tom: *starts banging head against desk*
Guardian's Song: Notice to all former, current, and would-be BNFs -
Whether or not your fics ever got melodramatic and ridiculous, they never reached THIS level.
No, I don't have to read them to know this. You win by default.
Thank you, and have a nice day.
it wasn't going to help us
make amends with those villagers.
Jerry: *through gritted teeth* I'm sure it will. SOMEHOWTM.
We had work to do, and we didn't have time to
stand around in this forest all night!
"Hey! Break it up, youse two!" Meowth shouted, as if he could read my mind.
Tom: An' that - *BANG* - of th' - *BANG* - readers! *BANG*
But Jessie and James didn't hear him (or decided to ignore him) -- they just
held each other closer, and their kiss deepened.
Heh. We're gonna be here for awhile, aren't we? I asked.
Meowth put his paws behind his head and sighed. "Yep. Looks like Team Rocket's
makin' out again...."
Jerry: The fic sporks itself! It's SPORKING its- it - it -
Tom: *BANG*
*knocks self partly unconscious on desk and falls over*
{The sporking will now take a short break...}
This entry is mirrored at http://guardians-song.dreamwidth.org/144371.html. Comment wherever you like. Just remind me to get off the internet and do my homework.